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An attempt to demistify marriage.....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by justlife, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Yesterday I read somewhere, usually it is the Mr. Awesome friend (best friend) who will be your Mr. Right (DH). What do you all feel?

    Here are my thoughts.....

    It is very true that usually we want to and sometimes make Mr. Awesome friend our Mr. Right because after all what else do we want from our dhs, but to be our best friends. However the iorny of the situation is that in this conversion we have literally lost our Mr. Awesome friend. Even though it is the same person, this is the power of relationships..... I guess.... Lets say for argument sake that if we going to loose a friend then maybe we should not marry the Mr. Awesome friend, but we still loose them because after marriage you are not allowed to have "a" friend of that sort.

    So I guess the best and the most successful marriages are not the ones that go from Mr. Awesome friend to Mr. Right, but the other way around from Mr. Right to Mr. Awesome friend. However this is a very hard thing to achieve, not only do we need a lot of patience we also need a lot of luck.

    After all what is the gaurantee that you can make a stranger your best friend for life?? So after all the analysis, there is no right way of doing it, i guess....
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Good Analysis. Mr. Awesome friend can be Mr. Right in many cases. This can be easier than converting Mr. Right to Mr. Friend!
     
  3. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]After Mr. Awesome becomes Mr.Right, a malfunction occurs in his system and he becomes Mr.Lost. On a serious note, though there could be some examples of a good friend turned good husband, I don't see how they correlate through logic. Being Mr.Right involves also being Mr.Compromise, Mr.Patience, Mr.Sacrifice, Mr.Love, Mr.Responsible and Mr.Awesome Friend. Besides, Mr. Awesome friend can be an awesome friend to many people but he can only be Mr. Right for one person (sadly LOL). Clearly, Mr. Right needs to fulfill a lot many more criteria than just being Mr. Awesome Friend. [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2011
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  4. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Good friendship alone is not going to make Mr. Awesome Friend into Mr. Right. Marriage need more than friendship; along with friendship it needs physical attraction, adjusting nature, similar moral codes (lots of things that we don't mind our friends do but becomes an issue if it was done by the spouse), compatible long term goals & aspirations and so on.

    Starting point can be anything or can be even nothing but important thing is the direction in which the relationship develops.
     
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  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    If he was the Awesome friend, and the right guy for you, you still can have the Awesome friend, only you need to work on the relationship.even friendship needs the right type of commitment to keep it live..even if you have a friend whom you can catch up with after a few years from where you left, it means you have already nourished that relationship with what it needs to withstand the wears of time..

    Married to my close friend, and after 18 years of marriage, i still have my close friend. A awesome friend can be the best Mr.right or Mr.right can become your awesome friend, once you give time,comitment, and the right communication to work on that.. we were two parallels who walked into marriage with our open eyes that we need to work on a common ground.. US.
     
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  6. harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    Bang on Shanvy !!!! As usual :)

    Time, commitment, communication, open-mindedness, attraction, agree to disagree on minor issues, commitment again, more communication and some more communication and lots and lots of patience -

    Mr. Right becomes Mr. Awesome friend or Mr. Awesome friend becomes Mr. Right, either way, Ms. Right is happy :)

     
  7. Loving2011

    Loving2011 Silver IL'ite

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    Justlife-One of my best male friends has most of the qualities that I look for in a man. He's compassionate, he's kind, he's caring, he's supportive, and he's respectful...and he would marry me in a heartbeat he says.

    But...he's 41, which is a whopping 13 years older than me. :) I joke with him saying "If you were my age, I probably would have married you by now." I just can't get over the fact that he's so much older than me.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2011
  8. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Justlife, I think a good friendship gets spoiled by a marriage.A friendly relationship is entirely different from a marital relationship. Marriage being a deeper commitment with responsibilities it uncovers his true personality. But there are no guarantees on someone being right. Marriage is a big risk. Also no man, I think, can be Mr.Right for all one's life. There may arise a 'right' time to quit a marriage and that may be the right thing to do with Mr.Right.

    Let him Remain Mr.Awesome friend and also Mr.right without any serious commitment. If he is both It will be better than a marriage. So why spoil it with a marriage?

    Nandita
     
  9. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Loving2011, it must be hard to have someone who is the perfect match to your thoughts yet you are not able to marry them. My question to you is, is it really that important how much older he is
    ? I do have a few friends who have an age difference of 10+ years and i actually find that they are among the most successful couples. I personally think very few younger men are mature.

    However the only thing that you have to keep in mind and analyse is if he treats you like a friend or do you like his company simply because he is protective. Does he respect your decisions, does he seek advice from you, or he treats you like a kid friend?

    Then again as i mentioned in the original post a good friendship can be ruined by marriage, however i think your situation maybe an exception because of the maturity level of the guy

    Good luck
     
  10. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Nandita, i agree, why spoil it with a marriage, and so let the friendship remain that way, that is excatly what i was trying to get to too. But if a person has intentions of getting married sooner or later then they better not have a friend lile that cause they run the risk of losing him either way.

    You marry your best friend and the pressures of marriage will get worst out of him and if u do not marry him but someone else you loose him anyway.

    Hence what probably would work for someone who really wants to go down the marriage path is to make your husband your best friend, but i am not convinced that this is easy to do.
     

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