American Woman Dating Indian Man

Hello ladies! I have been reading a lot on this forum lately and have learned so much insight.- I hope it's okay for me to post here about my situation. I posted a broader question on the singles board, but I specifically wanted some advice about my partner's mom and sister.

As my title says, I am an American woman dating an Indian man. I was born and raised in the US, in a big city (New York). I am in my late 20s. He was born and raised in Delhi and came to America to get his Master's degree. He is in his mid 30s. We have had a few cultural issues arise, and we have been dating for one year now. We are serious about each other and he wants to move forward with the next step of our relationship.

His father is fine with our dating, but his mother is having a very difficult time. I can understand that it is a big shock to her and that she is worried about her son's happiness, but her unhappiness is making him very unhappy. I don't know what I can do, if anything, to make this relationship better. Her son and I are not yet married, but we both see that happening sooner or later. I would really appreciate any insight you all would have about what your concerns would be if your brother / son was dating a woman from another culture and race. What, if anything, would help allay your concerns? Thanks!

 

Thanks for your input. As to your points:
1. Yes, that is not much of a worry for either him or I. We take very good care of each other. So my boyfriend actually was married once to an Indian girl from his town and they got divorced. He always tells me that experience taught him that having the same background isn't everything. He says I adjust more to him than she ever did.
2. This part is also not a worry for us at least and he says his mom will see that.
3. Here he doesn't want us to live with his parents.
4. This one we have discussed. We both want to keep the culture alive for our children, but maybe not all of the superstitions, etc.
5. Same here. I learned Hindi and want our kids to learn it to and want to teach them aspects of the culture as best as mixed parents living in the US are able to lol.
6. His Indian wife left him....
7. His ex didn't cook at all and this wasn't a problem. He does the cooking. I actually cook more than she does and learned many indian recipes. I can make parathas, roti, curries, biryani and so forth.
8. He is not religious..but we struggle with some of the more deeply ingrained cultural issues. He spends money on his family which we have been adjusting and he spends a lot of time hosting extended family which has also been hard.

It's good to be aware of the issues, it's hard to not dwell on them all the time. We have so much good in our relationship.

 

Wow thank you very much for your posting. I appreciate it. He has told me I already am far more accepting of his culture than he ever would have expected me to be and he assumed tha dating in American meant he would just have to be American and deal with giving up his culture lol - of course it's never so easy as he says. . He says his parents are his problem to deal with and he will shield me from them. I feel so bad for him when they are arguing and feel like it is my fault...

 

They were childhood sweethearts. He came to America for his masters around 22, then she came over shortly with him (not sure about the Visa process, but she was dependent upon him). They got married around then too I think, maybe when he was around 24-25? As they both lived here, I think she became more Americanized and started to compare him to the men here and lifestyle here. She thought he was not outgoing enough, and not enough fun. That's what he tells me her story was. She got her masters and started working, and thought that men like her co-workers were better suited for her. She moved out from their home together after about 8 years together. They attributed it to her personality changing very much since she was so young when they got married and she became a lot more independent and outgoing. She is very extroverted and my bf is more introverted. They had both agreed themselves that their parents would not live with them and he did not indicate she had problems with his parents. I know she didn't get along with his sister (nor do I, that is another story for another time), but he seemed to try to do the best he can in trying to please everyone (of course, sometimes you have to hurt someone - can't please everyone always). They did not appear to be very traditional. He does the laundry and cooking. He supported her through her education. It seems like maybe she grew up and wanted something different in life. I mean honestly, I will never get the full story!

 

It seems like an ok reason from a western perspective, but that is why I appreciate everyone's input here. Why does this seem unlikely?

What would be something that made more sense to you? Or something more common as a reason?

I also know their common friends he lost touch/was too awkward after the divorce so all of his friends now (all of whom I have met) are "his" friends either from college or colleagues. The friends of the marriage are no more.