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American Nanny Options?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by sanjuruby3, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Lucky ladies! The nannies here charge between 22-28 per hour.
     
  2. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    I felt bad using the age filter in care.com when looking (given all the awareness about ageism either ways) - but yes I preferred someone in the 30+ age range because experience to handling kids is really valuable - the experienced ones come with a nice bag of tricks to get a toddler to follow instructions. :)

    This ability to help is not at all dependent on Indian nanny or not. I've had a French nanny who was a middle school teacher previously - who would cut veggies for me according to each type of curry we usually make. She was eager to learn and happy to help - so that is key. She even wanted to help me with dosai batter when my kid napped because my kid loved dosai and she wanted to be one to make batter for him. :)

    Twice, I had to cut short a nanny's tenure - because my kid and her didn't get along. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I fretted so much before I had the conversation with them. But we had to move on. We paid them extra two weeks so they could look for other jobs with some pay in hand.
     
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  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ladies please help me.
    I said yes to 1 american nanny young 25. Next day, I called her to discuss times etc, she declined call and never called back. I waited couple hours and realized she might be trying other places also ofcourse. So I called 1 more nanny (desi) for backup and lazied away. Meanwhile, 1st nanny called and got to her start date. 2nd nanny also called to meet and we met, and we liked 2nd a lot. Now we were confused, how to say no to first one.
    Anways we started with 1st one, just a week and she does not know how to handle infants. Then I feel my child is not at all comfy with her. My mother is here but she is leaving now. We started with less hours so baby gets comfy under mothers eye but she can not get to feed him (Bottle) at all. He is sick also and new to her..could be one reason.

    If I delay in hiring desi nanny, she will go. I do not want to hurt this one.

    Another thing -
    she says yes to everything.
    Right now, I ask no household work etc, but soon i will start asking her .. she may not be able to cook for me, indian but probably veggies cutting.
    Other thing - we asked her food first day.. I told her she can eat here, and eat from fridge. Normally nannies do not and specially in the beginning. It is curteosy ( mind the spelling).
    I don't think she did first day. 2nd day- Plate bowl etc was out. Later doing dishes, we had big discussion on why someone put plate here, is it washed etc. You know how household is.
    Seems she did, we did not know.
    3rd day- mother offered her food indian food. I asked because mom was insisting, i kind of asked we have only indian food if she wants, she she happily ate all and said she ate yesterday also. We did not know at all... and came as surprise.
    thats fine... but thats kind of bit strange, usually they do not eat.

    We feel she is pregnant, she is super thin, but she got married 8-9 months ago and I guess very religious as i hear. Then she goes to pee a lot and drinks water a lot.. .. and have doctor appointment soon.

    Also we feel i she needs money deparately. To me she asked to start right away. Same thing she had ask my friend who gave me here reference but had not hired her for other reasons. Could be trick or need. I do not want to be bad guy here. She is ready to do everything but i feel baby is not comfortable with her and want indian nanny.

    Please suggest how to say no to her...
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
  4. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    It's bit difficult, can you just tell her something like your mother has extended her stay, so you won't be needing nanny now and will call her after few months when needed. Also tell like you have got work from home option now ,so can manage with your mother's support.
     
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  5. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    I recall you did mention previously that she does not have experience with infants, so you did know this part.


    Just FYI - so you can set expectations rights, it can take at least a month for infant/toddler to get use to a new caretaker and then at least 2 months in my experience for kid to feel some sort of a bond and begin to like their care taker. Not saying that is the case here - sometimes you will know much sooner that it isn't working well.


    It's not a question of "hurt" here. If it's not working out - just tell her you will pay her for 1 or 2 weeks extra and let her go. She would have rejected other offers and maybe even stopped interviewing once you confirmed to her. So it is only fair you give her some paid time to find another job. Just like severance pay in a typical corporate job.


    That sounds like a good thing to me. :)


    I am not sure I understand your intent here - why offer her to eat and then expect her to "not eat"? I usually keep fruits, bread, cheese, eggs, soda - stocked up and ask our nanny to help herself on the days she couldn't pack her meal.


    Most folks will start interviewing and looking for positions when they are available to start working or stopped the previous job. Ability to start immediately: I don't think that signifies any desperate need.

    If your baby is 7months to 1.5 yrs - it is peak stranger anxiety period. Absolutely every day, I need a trick up my sleeve to get my kid to go to nanny. Kid will be sad, upset, not look me in the eye, try to make negotiations to make me stay longer, etc. I call it the "hand-off" and it is one of the hardest things I have to do as a working mom. But about two mins after I am gone, there will be squeals of laughter and running around the house. It took us a while to get to this stage - and I'll take it!

    It's like these kids have super control over us - mom's going to work, she's gonna have a great time, I better pack her up with a nice dose of guilt, so she'll come back to me like a puppy! :p

    Professional way to do it - is let her know as soon as possible and provide her with 1 or 2 weeks pay for the upcoming week.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
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  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    How did you find out your kid and nanny did not get along? How old was your kiddo? If you do not mind me asking. Reason I ask is - my kid is 6 months old and I feel same. Him not connecting with her at all. She is not able to pacify him but I feel it could be rhat she is still new.
     
  7. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    My nanny never brings her meal. From first day on, she is been eating at our place . Her reference told me she hardly ate at our place. I was kind of surprised. It okay to eat but usually, atleast in US, people come like maintenance etc, they never even drink water. Eating meals ( that too typical indian) by herself is strange to me.
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    moreover, we hired her to help with meal prep, not we cook her meals. First day we asked her, she did not eat i think. 2nd day we asked, but she said later..we thought she brings her. 3rd day we asked her, she ate and we found out from conversation, she had eat our food, day before also. Next day, My H cooked her... he hardly feeds our kids. I think she will go away soon.
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Crazy Indian men. :rage:. Will not help the wife and kids.
    But can work for the white nanny.
    YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR KIDS.
    fire her and hire the Indian nanny (on hold)
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    incredible . Do you mea to say white nanny was chopped into
    Pieces and those pieces cooked?
    Horror story.
     

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