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Am I Thinking Wrongly About In Laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by key123, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. key123

    key123 New IL'ite

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    Hi
    I don't know how to avoid sil bugging. Me nd my husband both are working and we have a daughter. We spent huge some of money on my daughter birth coz of complication in birth. Later my sil delivered a son. We spent every penny to my daughter's expenses like milk powder, diapers etc. But for my sil their parents spending money for all of their needs. My sil husband is working but my sil quit the job after delivery. But I'm still going my husband wants me to go job which i totally not interested. I too wanna quit. Though my sil has no spending still she wants to get things through my husband for their needs. I already fought with my hubby and fil on the face. But still my husband s ready to spend for them. I didn't speak to my sil after she delivered baby. And i won't call to my in laws mostly. They also never call to me but they ll speak frequently with my hubby. I felt like they need their son not me and my kid. But my hubby not understand that. Though they humiliate me through scolding with harsh words still my hubby will go to them only. So i totally hate to live with him. Please give some advices me to avoid in laws or am i thinking wrongly about them? My hubby and in laws only wish is that their daughter shouldn't suffer for anything anyways. But what about me? I'm soo worried.i want my hubby to take care only me and my kid.
     
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Her parents are spending.
    Why do you worry??
     
    SunPa likes this.
  3. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Why?
    If it is because are not interested in the job ? then find one that is more meaningful/interesting.
    If it is because your sil is not so why should you , then you need to think.- if you are letting your emotions rule you.

    If it is because you want to spend time and take care of your LO , then you should discuss with your hubby without bring your SIL in.

    Quite honestly, if your hubby is already not listening to your needs, and his actions hurt you, then once you lose your financial independence, it is going to get worse. In your haste to ensure your sil doesnt benefit, dont make yourself become the loser.

    You are fighting the wrong battle.
    What do you gain by acting like that? even distant friends /relatives call/visit the baby and the newly delivered mum

    "their" son
    And your hubby is happy to speak to them
    Again the wrong battle

    This is the battle you should be fighting.
    What are you doing to slowly convince your hubby how you suffer?

    Any parent would.
    You are a mother, tell me, would you want your little to suffer even a tiny bit ever? even a mosquito bite on our child pains us , doesnt it?


    It is natural to want to be loved and taken care of. Every woman wants her husband to take care of her and her children. The problem becomes when it becomes "only" . Most women intrinsically put hubby and children as number one priority , and feel the husband should too. More often than not it doesnt happen at the early stages. They do it more slowly as the children grow and they get wiser .

    So instead of rushing it, please be patient . Pick your battles. Work on earning your husband's trust.

    If you let hate rule you, nothing good will ever come out it
     
  4. key123

    key123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply sunpa. Why I'm worried is they didn't help us when we were in struggle. So why we need to spend for their need. And my in laws also didn't help too. But they care their daughter than their son(my hubby). That's y i hate them. She didn't stay with her in-laws after marriage. Why i should stay with my in-laws. I too wanna stay with my parents. They r caring her son and daughter not mine though my daughter is the heir for them
     
  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Inevery vein of OPs issues, i find she is comparing herself with her SIL even to the extent of not wanting to stay with ILs etc.
    @SunPa has given you the best advice which you would do well to implement, if you are really wanting to have a proper peaceful married life.
     
  6. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't get into their care or talks dynamic. They have been a family way before you came in. They will always talk to each other care for each other and spend. Maybe just like your situation, she is not getting any support to spend on your family or maybe she is greedy. Whichever way don't get into that.
    If you have a good career that you care for and can manage with daughter, please think again about quitting. We feel like it will be lots of more time with kids but it doesn't happen. When you are home, everyone expects you to spend that time making their lives happy like making different dishes, sitting and gossiping with in laws, housekeeping, going to functions, having guests over. In the end I feel some working moms manage to balance it much better than SAHM. Plus the boredom not working brings if you have been competitive career oriented achiever is a serious problem. So weigh all pros and cons then decide and talk to your husband. Also consider the finances.
    Coming to the spending on sil, don't count the in laws in this. Their money, their choice. But if it is going from your and husband's joint earnings, you should have a say on the limits. Considering the way they are treating you, you need to be a bit diplomatic in handling this keeping the delicate balance in your married life. So if it was me, I would broach the topic on a good weekend after having a fun day. Sit with a notebook and say let's make a financial plan since we haven't been able to save for the xyz thing we had planned to do (a trip, house renovation, some policy for daughter, gift for in laws, buying jewellery, buying a car something he is eager to do not just you) note down the earnings and expenses. Write an estimated cost for sil saying that's what we have been doing so far so we should consider that amount here too. But say this in a nicest possible non judgemental supportive way. If he is wise, he will get the point. If not we will think of plan B.
     

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