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am i thinking wrong.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priya1602, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. priya1602

    priya1602 New IL'ite

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    Dear friends,
    I got married before one and half years.My husband is the eldest among three sons. Now a mother of 9 months old child.At the time of engagement my pil's told that we have got another house and after marriage we will them separate. After some time they told they will go there for sleeping only. After marriage things again changed and we are supposed to stay in the same house:bonk. When i was pregnant i had some misunderstanding with my mil. I had some health problem during 5th month of pregnancy and so i went to my mom's place. Since we had problem family members decided to keep us separate after delivery. In our custom girl's parents should get all house hold things when they go separate.My hubby volunteerly asked that when i was there for delivery and my dad said we will give you the money for all the things u need like that.Also when i was there i used to talk to my mil at that time and all she spoked very nicely and told u get this that and all when u go separate and all. i returned with money after delivery. At the time of return my hubby told we are going to sleep there only for some time and slowly slowly we will go separate because my parents will feel bad but i provide all the things for u like that and i believed him. I returned in november and last week only he arranged for the bed.Till december he was telling me that my parents dont know that i got money from your parents like that. In jan he told i ordered for the bed also my parents know i got money from dad like that. Last week when bed arrived na my mil started to scold me like anything that i am separating my son from her etc etc.
    Finally my hubby told we will go after my first brother's marrige.:drowning
    Pls answer to my questions now,
    1) How can i trust my hubby now
    2) My mil dont want her son to go separate na then y she didn't told when i was in my mom's place. Why she spoked very nicely that time
    3) How can i handle this
    4) I lost trust with my hubby is it good:hide: But other than this matter he was very nice to me
     
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  2. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    dear priya, your MIL is a manipulating lady like most of our MILs. your hubby is dancin to her songs like most of the hubbies. other than that nothing wrong with ur hubby. this is too early to gain trust and support from ur hubby as just now u ve entered in his life. remember, that ur MIL has moulded ur hubby for couple of decades... act in a clever manner...never cease to love and show support to ur hubby. adjust with his mood swings. never fight with him..thats ur mil's intention. u hav to be patient and gain trust before u ask him to come out in a firm manner.
     
  3. virilevisu

    virilevisu Senior IL'ite

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    we all were brought up in such a way that we should obey elders' words.....
    we all were behaving such a way that we should not bring bad name to parents/elders...


    the same thing is continuing here as well....son is obeying her mother's words.... in his view he is respecting her though he got married... and in our view he is a puppet in the hands of her mother....

    imagine that you have a brother and if he wants to go away from your mother to a seperate house... then you will obviously scold your bro right... that you are not taking care of mother at this old age...
    but the rule changes when comes to MIL....what say??

    I am not negating/arguing. just introspection...
     
  4. Socialbee

    Socialbee Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Priya1602,

    In your case, ur Husband is not completely saying "NO" for going separate. I think he understands that he and his parents have already agreed on being two separate families. Might be now his mother is holding him back from going. So, he is caught between you and ur mil. So, please speak this out politely to him and explain. He will understand. Don't lose trust. This will only cause more frustation and anxiety. I am sure things will become alrite soon. All the best !!
     

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