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Am I thinking wrong?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priyaj1986, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    I am married for 6 months. And mine is a love marriage. I have mentioned my problems already in my other thread. I will let you know the gist of my problem so that u can advise me I am doing something wrong. My husband’s family has separated because of some problems and my FIL is living with us and MIL with my husband’s brother. We both are living in adjacent flats. I am trying to conceive and I want my mother(she is alone) to be with me since I am working. I am planning to take a two bedroom flat and bring my mother and keep with me. Is there anything wrong if I bring my mother with me after I conceive? Because My FIL is very old and I think he should stay with his wife. I cannot do all the work and I am badly in need of someone to help me. Please don’t ask me to bring my MIL with me because she is the main reason for the separation of our family and she will be become a big problem if she stays with us. Please give me your suggestions.
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    You said earlier that you live adjacent to your BIL's flat. Later you said that you were planning to take 2 bedroom flat. Which one is correct? What is the reason for separation between your in-laws? There is nothing wrong in your expecting your mother to be with you during your pregnancy. It is a genuine and a reasonable request. But at the same time, how do you push away your FIL who is old and needs attention? Will your BIL keep your FIL during your pregnancy? What is your husband's position on this? Can you go to your mom's place during your pregnancy? Are you planning to pursue your career after the child birth? How many months your company gives maternity leave? Are you willing to get your FIL back after your pregnancy? If your MIL and FIL reconcile and are ready to come and live with you, will you be okay with that?

    Viswa
     
  3. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Priya just my two cents. Just like how you are struggling for adjusting with your MIL, same will be the case with your husband. If you are concenrned, she is alone bring her somewhere close to you, where you can keep tabs on her daily. Might be find a house in same neighbourhood, street etc. I don't think you would need any help from your mother after you conceive. Probably you might need some, post delivery. Till then you can manage on your own. Your marriage is just 6 months old, don't make it crowded too early. If you are unable to daily chores,hire a maid.

    It's upto your FIL & MIL, whether they should live together or seperate. Don't get into that now.
     
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  4. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Viswamithra,

    Thanks for your reply.. My husband and my BIL has bought a two bed room apartment with their savings. They shared money and bought it. But after our marriage they pushed us out of our house and we are suffering a lot without a own house. My husband's hard work have been wasted. And my MIL is money minded and she is the main cause of this. She is the one who gave my BIL to push us out. Since ours is a love marriage my MIL doesn't like me and she plans to separate me and my hubby and she is using my FIL for this to divert my husband's mind during my absence. I dnt believe my FIL completely since he has made us quarrel many a times. Now please tell me if its ok to bring my MIL with me, And regarding ur query regarding the house, we have rented a 1BHK in the same flats and we are living there.
     
  5. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Blackbeauty,

    Thanks a lot for your reply. Yes its upto my in laws to decide if they should live together or separate but they live seperate just to cause problems for us. That is my concern
     
  6. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

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    Need suggestions please..
     
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Now I understand the situation a lot better. First of all, you have a right to preserve your married life over anything else in this world. If anybody is attempting to separate you from your husband you have every right to defend that action even if it is your husband's parents. I hope your husband is with you in this decision. If you have not already discussed with him, you should be very open about the issues you are facing. Please do not interfere with his relationship with his parents but tell him in detail of your suspicion. Take him into confidence. Tell the importance of having your mom with you during pregnancy. To be honest, If I were you, I won't be living in an apartment that close to your BIL's family. Hopefully, when you have a child, your MIL would reconcile more. Regarding apartment that was jointly bought by the brothers, what is your husband's say on that matter? Is he going to let it go? Is he planning to make a claim on the property? Does he have evidence of his investment into the property? In whose name the property was bought?

    Viswa
     
  8. priyaj1986

    priyaj1986 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Mithra,

    Yes the biggest mistake i did was choosing the flat near BIL's house. Regarding the property it was bought in my BIL's name and i guess everything was preplanned. My hubby is very innocent and he believes everyone easily. He never wants to fight with them for money. As of now he has let his money go. There is no proof that my hubby has given all his earnings to them. I am highly worried about our future.

    Regards,
    Priya
     

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