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Am i thinking wrong? Pls guide me...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sasi291, Oct 19, 2015.

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Oct 19, 2015 #1
sasi291 Bronze IL'ite

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Hello ladies

i have a 8 and half month old baby boy. MiL is here for few months to spend time with their grandkid. I have been searching for a job but no luck yet.

problem here is , i couldnt agree to MIL points and try to convince her through DH. dH mostly makes the situations worse without dealing properly.

for example, MIL didnt want to start rice/other solids except for rice cereal for DS till he is 11mons old. But i explained that they need more nutriTions , so i started giving him veg/fruit purees. She says babies cant eat solids so they do annaprasana(ceremony for starting solid food for babies ) in 10month and then start solids in 11 month. I strongly disagreed to this point. Me and DH had a huge fight and i said i dont mind about the ceremony but DS should be fed with good food with nutritions and started giving him veg/fruit purees.

then because of our continous insistence she agreed to start solids early and now we are feeding him rice with dal in pureed form. She insited on adding salt to his food for which i didnt agree and explained her the problem of adding salt to babies food.

Another one is he got lot of rashes and skin allergy and he scratches all day. His stomach nech and face is very rough now with allergy and dry skin. This is because she wanted to massage his body wiwth sunnipindi(powder used in india for babies). I am happy that she wants to do that but since he is getting allergy because of that i asked her to not use it. DS has been scratching and crying a lot at nights.

now the running issue at home is, she wants to pierce his ears which i dont like.she says she has done it for her children and even her sisters kids had ear piercing for baby boys also. She says that its tradition but no one in our family has ever done that and its not a traditiom. Also i dont like my Ds to have earpierced.

DH says that i dont agree to anything and i am not following traditions.he told mil that because of me he is not able to ear pierce DS. MIl is upset and she says that i dont follow traditions.

am i wrong in thinking this way? Dont i have the right to decide about my son? Please ladies guide me.

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

#1

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Oct 19, 2015 #2

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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You brought that child in this world.You are the mother and you are protecting the interest of your child.You are doing what nature expects you to do. Protect the interest of your off spring.

You may be traditionally incorrect or may be defiant but as long as you do it in the interest of the child...you are right.

The child needs nutrition and the child has a right to decide if it wants its body pierced.

yellowmango, Oct 19, 2015

yellowmango, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #3

guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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You are correct. Stand strong. Just keep saying you will do what is right for your baby. Refuse for body piercing and massage with stuff which irritate your child. Get the doctors opinion for anything you can and override all the ridiculous suggestions. Refuse to discuss it further. Don't try giving reasons, explaining etc.

I was against mundan and ear piercing. I gave in for the mundan but totally refused the piercing. So consider everything and take a call.

By the way do you live in India? In case you live somewhere in America or Europe the child protection services will be watching in case the carers make a wrong move like not giving solids after 6 months or use stuff which irritates the baby's skin. It counts as negligence and they will start monitoring whether the carers are being so negligent that the baby has to be taken away from them. I used this fact when I was given outdated gyan...

guesshoo, Oct 19, 2015

guesshoo, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #4

Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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Annaprasana at 10mon no it should be done at 6 mon for boys n 5 mon for girls then ther r ready for solods .. Giving over cooked rice Dal ghee with pinch of salt is good .. Nothing wrong in it .. Otherwise it will be tasteless they won't eat .. Fruits n veg purées are really good ..

as as long as baby eating what u gave is good ..tell mil not to worry on this ..

sunnipindi good if no rashes .. Since ur baby getting rashes pls stop it .. N tell mil

coming to to traditions yes ear piercing is a tradition for even boys .just like hair offering for girls . It's there n people follow .. It's for some time n u can take it off ..

when it comes to kids we need to follow tradition from in laws side not parents ..

its rs up to you whether u want to follow r not but it can never harm ..

Lakshmipav, Oct 19, 2015

Lakshmipav, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #5

MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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Your child, your rules.
Pick your battles wisely but don't compromise on your baby's well-being.

MalStrom, Oct 19, 2015

MalStrom, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #6

Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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If MIL comes up with 10 stupid suggestions, do you HAVE TO agree to some of those to make her or DH feel happy?

None of the things you mentioned in your post are worth compromising on. Stay strong - You must habe your sons best interests above anyone elses.

Just to add, my sisters dd is 9. She still didnt get her ears pierced. Her inlaws mentioned it several times, she politely says no. It will happen only when her DD wants it.

Jas8085, Oct 19, 2015

Jas8085, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #7

sasi291 Bronze IL'ite

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Thank you all. You have given me courage to stand firmly. I was about to give up to make MIl and DH happy.

dS was underweight when born and had difficult breathing.so he was in NICU for a week on antibiotics with lot of needle piercings on his legs. I was so sad seeing this and that's one of the reasons I don't want to see my son pierced again. Can't see him getting pierced unnecessarily just for the pleasure of elders.

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #8

1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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I have never heard of sunnipindi for month's old baby skin! Actually it is very soft, and thin (very few layers) doesnt need regular exfoliation like adult skin. Only massage which is done is oil massage. (Actually op, not to scare you, since sunnipindi contains chanadal or besan, the rashes could be indicative of a potential allergy. I feel it is better you stop his exposure to that immediately to be on safe side. <--I mean when the body is repeatedly and prematurely exposed to something it does not like it can go into a full blown tantrum after a few months. Dont let it go to that extent.)

OP, All these battles can be easily addressed with one sentence. 'Doctor has said/recommended...' Whether it is age of starting solids or added salt or rash. I wonder that you did not think of invoking that yet. To be safe, mention it to your doc once. See what she says. I think she will agree with your POV. After that, start using this magic mantra. If she or the h want to argue with the doctor about it then fine, let them. Just show the doc the rashes, doc will give them both an earful.

All that your MIL is suggesting works in and for very hot/humid Indian climate. Exfoliation for the excessive sweating and sun exposure (all want a fair baby) adding salt to control potential dehydration from the heat etc. Here the climate is much kinder to human body. It is temperate. All these measures are not required. Next time she invokes other babies, remind her about their location and tell her this is not India. Here you have to do according to what yr ped tells you. Good luck, OP!

1Sandhya, Oct 19, 2015

1Sandhya, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #9

sasi291 Bronze IL'ite

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Hi Sandhya

i keep saying that doc has asked to do it this way and all but they doesnt listen to them. They say we should do how we want to raise them not according to what doctor says, for which i completely disagree.

i could battle against not feeding my DS any solids except for cerelac, convinced her showing the food guidlines given by doctor,but not able to battle against some.

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

sasi291, Oct 19, 2015

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Oct 19, 2015 #10

Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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sasi291 said: ↑

Hi Sandhya

i keep saying that doc has asked to do it this way and all but they doesnt listen to them. They say we should do how we want to raise them not according to what doctor says, for which i completely disagree.

i could battle against not feeding my DS any solids except for cerelac, convinced her showing the food guidlines given by doctor,but not able to battle against some.
Click to expand...

Be a tigress when it comes to your son. Defend and protect him.

Dont worry about pleasing others. Let them sulk or go to hell. Do things that are good for your son.

Jas8085, Oct 19, 2015

Jas8085, Oct 19, 2015

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