Am I Over Reacting

tallqueen · Sep 24, 2017

Dear members, it has been 3 years but it's still fresh in my mind and keeps bothering me a lot.

When I delivered my baby girl 3 years ago, I had very little milk flow for the first few days and was not able to breast feed my baby. Every time I fed her she would be screaming so loud as she was not getting sufficient milk. So I used to substitute with formula.

My MIL would get so tensed up everytime my baby cries as she is not getting enough milk. One day when I was breast feeding my girl and she was crying, my MIL entered my bedroom. I was topless and obviously she saw both my breast. In fact commented that my nipples are not too big nor too small thus shouldn't be a problem for my baby to latch on.

Till today I feel very angry that she has seen my breast. I am also very angry with myself for not locking up my bedroom door. She has viewed something that was only meant for my husband. I feel there is no value for my body and privacy anymore.

I spoke to my DH about this. He says it's OK she is also a woman, was just trying to help and guide me to breast feed properly.

Everytime I think of it, I feel so down. I am very angry with myself as I could have easily avoided it.

Am I over reacting? Have any of you faced a similar situation?

Thank you.

samsWait · Sep 24, 2017

Are you feeling bad that your MIL saw you naked or are you feeling bad that she commented. First one is your mistake. Second one you can't change what happened. Take it with a pinch of salt

ashneys · Sep 24, 2017

Yes it was your mistake for leaving the door open and it was weird of her to observe your breast and comment about it.

You could have immediately covered it up with a blanket, dupatta or yelled out or something just like we would if it was a stranger, without giving her time to observe n comment.

She could have turned away after seeing you like that. Or looked away and waited for you to cover up.

There will always be many could haves n would haves, but it happend three years ago, what can you do about it now? It's over n done.

Some women can be like that, esp older women, they feel that it's ok to see other women's body. My mil asked me to bf in front of her n another aunty when they came to visit me after birth. I literally had to throw everyone out including my mom before I did that because I wasn't comfy. N my mil even commented sarcastically about that. But I stood firm. So sometimes they don't get it n think we are being weird.

Just take this as a lesson n be careful from now on. Don't let it occupy your mind space any more n don't bug your dh about it any more, its not worth all that time.

If the anger is too much in your mind, write all your feelings about it on a paper n tear it or burn it.
Or if it's all about your mil, you can do the same to her photo and then get over it.
At the end of the day, its about you doing something n free your mind from all that negativity and anger. N start fresh with her.

yellowmango · Sep 24, 2017

Yes ,you are over reacting .

Gauri03 · Sep 25, 2017

tallqueen said: ↑

Am I over reacting? Have any of you faced a similar situation?
Click to expand...

Happened to me. I'd assumed I could have a reasonable expectation of privacy in my own bedroom but MIL obviously disagreed. In the moment I was enraged, though in my case, she wasn't as interested in my endowments as she was intent on proving that my son was starving. It is a niggling irritant that given enough time loses its sting. Thoughts of "no value of body and privacy" are okay to have in the moment; for them to linger three years later is a sign that you are spending too much time dwelling on the incident. Don't ascribe more meaning to it than it deserves.

Sangeeta85 · Sep 25, 2017

Dear just let it go n be calm .. u r not getting anything out of this believe me ,i kept doing the same thing years n I spoilt my health on top mil says u r having probe in 30 wen I was not even 30 m telling this bcz I was young then that to gave all problem she did not in her 50..
Just kept thinking abt her wat horrible stuff she did did not sleep at night n today m tired ..
Basically forget it or say her something if u can n leave it..
Enjoy ur time with ur baby gal ,the time flies soon n u will loose all the precious moments with her bcz u were busy hating someone who is worthless

MalStrom · Sep 25, 2017

It was poor behavior on your MIL's part, but it is a bit extreme to be dwelling on this three years after the fact. It's also your MIL's attitude and the comments she made that irritate you so much. Let it go.

YoGirl · Sep 25, 2017

My mil saw me topless when i had issues breastfeeding. Even i felt that she invaded my privacy .. but took some time to realize that she was doing that in a good sense for my baby. I have hell lot of tiffs and differences with mil, but not all things she does is to irritate me.
You are overreacting.. its good to take help from elders when its a new phase.. we dont have much experience but they do. My milk supply literally went down cuz of mil getting tensed. Luckily since i stayed at moms place , mil left in 3 days and everything fell into place.

tallqueen · Sep 25, 2017

samsWait,
I would have felt bad even if she never commented. The main issue here is seeing me naked.

tallqueen · Sep 25, 2017

ashneys,
During the first few weeks after having the first baby and with zero experience, I got very nervous every time baby woke up and cried for milk. I had a ceaser, with the pain I will have to walk slowly towards the door to lock it. So immediately carried the crying baby and started feeding rather than running to lock the door first.