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Am I nagging my DH?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Me1, Oct 22, 2014.

  1. Me1

    Me1 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear ILites,

    I am in very confusing state. I feel like I am unable to share my thoughts with my DH. We have been best friends before our marriage but post marriage things changed. I can not share things with him and feel he wont be taking my side.

    I feel in a relationship we must give each other time. I am unhappy as I feel we have lack of time in ours.

    Our schedule is :
    I getup at 5 he at 6.
    I do household tasks and leave to office by 8:30. He takes some nap post worshipping and leave for ofc at 11:30.
    I comeback by 6:30 prepare dinner handle LO and MIL.
    He comes back by 11.
    I try to wind up things to rush to bed by 11:30.
    LO wants to play with us then and usually takes an hour to sleep.
    I understand by 12:30 we both are damn tired but asking for 15 mins is a big deal.
    My question is in 24 hours should not there be atleast 15 mins where in we can sit intimately and share what went through the day, our concerns and feel bonded?
    I was damn tired too but could spend time happily with DH.
    As I shared him my concern that we are not giving each other ample time he got angry stating despite being so busy he tries to give me a call in day daily. he texts me (merely 5-7 times). And now when I am damn tired u are saying this and blah blah blah..
    I can withstand anything.. My MIL, her words, her showing over concern for my kid anything but I need those 15 mins of comfort with DH.
    Have shared this several times before as well in different ways too.

    Am I a nagger??thinkingsmiley
     
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  2. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    You both are right. But remember, there is always a third way out. Think and find a way that works for both.

    Can you meet for lunch? Can you go to work late, can he come back early? Normally, if people come back from work at 11, there will be times during day where they can break away.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    No you are not. You are running your house,taking care of your child and his mother and working.If he can't take out 15 minutes for the woman who is doing all this for him...then it is really sad. No dear...you are not nagging.

    Yours is a one way relationship.You give and give....he can't take you on an outing and can't spare 15 minutes for you.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2014
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  4. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Your desire is genuine.

    It is very important for a couple to spend some quality time together everyday. It is indeed healthy for the relationship, for both to share everything that happened during the course of the day. Perhaps over a cup of evening coffee if you cannot set time aside for this.

    You both could share an evening chore together, eg doing the dishes etc. Make sure nobody else is there in the kitchen during that time. You can have a nice chat with each other during this time.

    Your husband comes home at 11:00 pm?
     
  5. Poonamk1

    Poonamk1 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I used to do same thing 5 years back, at that time my husband was in a very busy project and use to come late from office. Managing entire home and listening to MIL's words were new thing for me.. I used to feel same as you are feeling now.. I used to ask my husband for our time together but just like your husband he used to get angry..
    After one year his project stabilized and he started coming early and things automatically changed..
    So, I think this is a phase of life which will change with time.. Meanwhile you can plan short vacations on weekends, go for movies. Also, rather than asking him, you can simply go and hug him gently and have a nice small talk before you go to bed or in the morning before you leave for office or any possible time..
     
  6. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Some men are busy fulfilling the financial needs of the family and forget about the emotional needs ...
     
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  7. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    men think if everything is going on well financially then its good. As long as there is no bigger problems they think these are very trivial. Even I feel the same. Being busy actually other problems stays away. More you talk more more the fight!:p
     
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, trust me on this. Go on a date with your DH. It will revive the wonders you had long forgotten. Just a movie followed by lunch and ice cream does so much to any relationship (generally speaking i.e)
     
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  9. desichica

    desichica Silver IL'ite

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    neither of you are wrong in your opinions. Life can be busy. With in-laws staying under same roof, your best bet is that calls/texts in the day time. IMp conversations/i love yous can go under that. You can hug/kiss before sleeping and hold each others arms while trying to go to sleep. It's very hard in daily life to have those moments with your kind of schedule. Plan something for day offs. Dont bother him if he is tired, and vice verca.
     
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  10. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    why dont u plan something for the week end.. week days are hectic for most of the couples... some days we just come home, eat and sleep.. so damn tired..

    so plan some activities or quite time in the week ends and discuss with him..

    and if he testing u all thru the day,,,i think that gesture does count...

     

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