Am I fighting a lost battle?

DGcreative · Sep 1, 2012

As my Fil is here n gonna stay for this whole week wit us, now he along wit Mil r trying to keep me away from DS. Today she did not let me drop him cv crèshe. Til date I've been serving dinner to al n feed DS n then have my dinner today she insisted on feeding him n al even boasting how they had fun. Now m al the more sure they r tryin to do this just so they can take him to native without me. M just so fed up. M I fightin a lost battle?

ars · Sep 1, 2012

How old is your son. Why they want to take him to native. Is it to help you so you can work and live with h without the responsibility of raising the baby? What's your husbands take on it.
Just remember any battle or war if you fight it together as husband and wife than it will be for sure a victory.
If it is just you in the battle field than you will have to have two battles going simultaneously one with your h and another with your opposition party.

DGcreative · Sep 1, 2012

Thanx ars
My DS is 2.5yrs. Just coz my Sil's inlaws take their grandchild to native, my inlaws also want to do the same. Or may be coz they know I cant stay without him. DH is supportive but if they try to put such things in DS's head he is too small n wont understand. Right now DH says no one can take him without his permission but if they insist n DS baby talks about going m sure DH would not be able to say no..

ars · Sep 1, 2012

He is 2.5 thats a good age to hang out with gp so your hands are free and you can have some me time. Good mil is taking active participation with feeding so one less thing for you to do. If its a short visit to native let the kid go. Once the gp's experience staying alone with the kid 24/7 than they will know the work involved.
Just relax for now and take care of yourself and your health.

tulipzz · Sep 2, 2012

Let them have fun with their grandchild...don't worry so much...

If they ask about taking him to native, say no. Tell them you think he is too young to stay without you and that you will send him next year....they will say your sil sent...gently tell them it's her choice and you don't want to compare...

Having said that, I'd like to add that my daughter was with my inlaws since a much younger age without me....she did perfectly fine....

If you don't want to do something, stand firm. Particularly when it comes to your children...

Ragini25 · Sep 2, 2012

Is there a specific worry with regard to DS staying with grandparents? Can you not accompany DS for some days to visit the grandparents in their place?

introspection · Sep 2, 2012

Hi DG. You are just overtly worrying about your DS. Let the grandparents have their time with the kid, BUT you as a mother are "always" a mother, no matter how they influence the kid. Don't be so naive. Regarding sending the child away to the native, don't be stupid to do that. That surely might affect your bonding with the child. I'm wondering why your husband cant put his hand up and say something in such a situation.

omnam · Sep 2, 2012

Hmm. Being Grandparent they have full rights to pamper your DS. Now you being Parent have sole right to decide on major things. You have to show the boundaries when they seems to cross so.

Boasting of feeding dinner, dropping to crèshe are fine. Seems they are enjoying their time with your DS but when they talk of taking him to native... please things clear to them then and there. Dont keep things in your heart.

If your feeling insecure make sure you get some time with your DS daily, take him to park, to some friends place

DGcreative · Sep 2, 2012

Thanx all. Ya I might sound overpossesive but u can go through my earlier threads to understand about my situation. About my sil, her son stays wit gp at home when shez at work so he is used to. N feeding or doing sumthing for DS is not done always just coz Fil is here. I have grown up wit gps when my mother was at work so I understand the bonding reqd. Its just that Mil barely does anything for DS otherwise. She feels m taking her son away frm her n wants to do the same. Anyway m much better now coz once again they spoke about taking him away witout me in front of guests n guests said hez too small to be away frm mother n I also said in front of them that I cant stay away frm him. Hope the msg is well recieved.

1Sandhya · Sep 3, 2012

DG,

Try a different tack. Appreciate her for offering and rule out sending him right now but keep the possibility open for when he is older. DS also will see the different life of the native and come to know gps. There is nothing wrong in that. Take it positively.

If you are too forceful in ruling out now, then later it may backfire on you completely. So even if you refuse, do so gently and always keep the door open to doing in future. You will not always be like this you know. Your situations will also change. You may come to appreciate when ds is older that you can pack him off to native unattended while you are too busy with your job.