Am I Expecting A Lot?

Hi everyone, I dont know if i am still behaving like a kid or over reacting... but things are not getting better between me and my fiancee.... for those who havn't read my previous thread : Just A Vent

I have been supportive to him for his official matters, i never disturb him during his office timings except a call to remind him about his lunch. But even after getting at home, he is not giving enough time to our relationship. We both are in contact through messaging apps only.

Previously , he used to be talking to me with so many discussions when at home and as we only communicate through messages, we had an agreement of leaving phone behind or doing something else after informing like "wait for a min" or "i will just come in a while"

These days whats happening is, i message him some or the other thing , and keep on staring at my phone screen while he is offline , initially i thought he must be busy with some work or busy with his mom, so i didnt say anything. Later when i ask him what he was upto, he said I was just playing this game in mobile or was just browsing my fb wall or watching random songs or comedy videos at youtube. Now that really poissed me off that i am trying to talk regarding something important (our marriage , our future, my job challenges, his job challenges, some random fun stuff related to us) and he is playing game or using FB by making me wait ??? I asked him is that fine if i do the same and his answer was ok , i wont do it again. But the same thing was repeated in another hour. I kept my patience ... but then it happened next day as well, then again and again and again.

I talked to him calmly that i am not feeling good the way things are going up, he said he likes to play games (that i know and have never stopped him). I told him all i want is you must just text me that i am gonna play this game so that i can also do some other stuff that is pending on my side. He said ok fine. This practice was followed only for one day.

Then we talked again and i gave a solution that fine do as u like till 11pm, after that for just one hour (we sleep by 12am on weekdays) the time will be just for us and nothing else should be done during that hour. ( both side parents are sleeping by then and we are free to talk without any worries). He agreed to this as well, but just 2 days went fine and then the same thing again, even in that one hour he is switching the apps , i have to wait for 5-10mins after one text. One day I slept while waiting for his reply and next day he was angry on me ( you can see in my linked thread how he used to slept in bwteen the conversations and i was supposed to understand him).

He has never been like that and i am not suspecting him... but i am just clueless on what should i do, please guide me ladies what wrong i am doing ? Is it even possible to put your ego aside all the time and just function as the other person wants u to? If he is expecting me to support him in all situations, what is wrong in my expectations of asking his time for us that too just an hour ? I am really worried on how would i survive after getting married, if he wont change his attitude and routine, he dont do any other activity, he comes home to just lay on the bed and continuosly using his phone. I am not able to make him understand that i am talking for his and our benefit only. This has never happned before , all these events are going on from last three months..wat to do i am really stressed

 

@SGBV thankyou for your reply, the problem in my case is, my fiancee demands every single minute detail from me till date if not given he has also started giving me silent treatment that hurts me. On the other hand, if i demand the details of his whereabouts, he gets irritated ... he even said last night that being single is less stressful...

I am really fine with everything you have said, to grow up and be mature and understand each other stuff... I understand him.. i will give u an example::: It was my friend's marriage, not so close friend but a nice friend. I wanted to gift her something nice , so i just went with my other female friend and bought a gift for her. My fiancee was in office at that time, i called him to inform that i am going to market with my friend, but he didn't recieve my call because of workload. I dropped him a message for same.

In the evening when he got free, he called me and literately yelled at me as in how dare you go out with someone without asking me. I was too shocked to response. he disconnected the call and stopped receiving my calls for a whole day. We live 40kms apart, his job is 60kms far from me. I cant reach him in any other way apart from a call or message as the only way to reach him is bus and i dont feel safe in local buses alone after brutal incidents. Still he tortured me a whole night and a whole day. Then after that he was like apologizing that i am really sorry i over reacted and all but it was ur mistake you should have waited for me to pick up the call etc etc.

Now this happened last month and for the first time in 6 years of our friendship and relation. Yesterday, it was retirement of a postman from his office. He went with other colleague to buy some gift for him , did party with his colleagues. In the evening, he told me all this with full excitement. And i had no idea about anything of this event. I didnt yelled at him, i just asked him in a polite way "Why didnt you tell me before" . He said: I am sick of you, you create issues in everything. Being single is better and stress less.

He is reacting like this almost everyday at petty issues. Now who is immature here SGBV. If still i am please clarify as i really want to resolve this issue.

 

My parents are really conservative types dear, i cant make calls to him in front of them, they behave in a very old fashioned way in this case. That is why we have to keep the communication through messaging apps.

 

We do not hang out several hours on phone, i am in my work till 7pm, he reach home by 8pm weekdays including saturday.

At 12 we both went to sleep so as to complete the sleep needs of body. What time we have is just 4 hours. in those 4 hours we have a number of things to do and we both do our stuff. You mean to say, it is wrong to ask even one single hour from him that is just for us so that we can ask each other if something is bothering us , or how each other's health is? Is it wrong to make a conversation daily when we know we are not living near each other, cant see each other every weekend, have to wait for 2 months to see each other in person ? I feel a relationship depends on good communication. The things that you are saying are like after marriage and kids, when we both have a lot of responsibilities at our shoulders. I dont feel playing a game or using damn facebook is more important than communicating for a lifetime relationship.

 

@Nonya I really dont understand what you are trying to say here , please clarify

 

I also was thinking the same thing that he has now started taking me for granted. That what if i dont tell her or what if i dont pamper her , what if i do things my own way... she is not going to leave me anyway...

I am thinking taking the advantage of april fool's day I will gv him a shock by saying i quit , i wanna see how much he cares if he realize that i may leave him because of his attitude towards me. But seriously dear i do not have such courage i love him so much that i cant be angry on him for more than an hour, sometimes i feel i must stop expecting too much but then cant help myself.

I dont know how being mature means expecting less as @SGBV said. My love is same for him , yes matured but still we are in our blossom years, we are not married yet... i want to make him understand that once we will be married, he will crave for this time and this time would not come back to us. He would have plenty time to play games then because i will be busy in some or the other stuff of household, job and kids in future , then he will think that i dont give time to him while he is wasting our today's time in stupid games.