Am I Being Reasonable Or Selfish

Dear OP

Speaking from my personal experience, I ask you to wait before you arrive at any conclusions. Your primary focus should be your health, your kid and the older kid and all of their well being.

I have gone through similar phase when I delivered my first kid.
That time, I was emotionally very fragile due to hormones, the new motherhood phase, as well as the sleep deprivation coupled with c-section wound and the healing process.
On the other hand, my mom was almost exhausted with almost similar complaints. Extra work, tired, burden and what not.
Since she was old and unable to use her words wisely just like other elderly people who grows old with grace, things became rocky between us.
Her simple complaint about backache seemed an indirect push to kick me out of the house. Because I wasn't ready to hear such complaints that time.
So, I would say something, and she would take it offensive by thinking I was thankless for the extra ordinary hard works she puts in to take care of me. Yes, She is old.
Now both of our ego starts to get fragile and hurt when things get complicated like H's involvement and her extra works whenever H used to visit us.
Gosh.. I had a hard time then.
Those days, I used to feel super hungry, but given my mom's irritable body language and tone, I would get scared to ask for food. Rather I would feel like getting up and eat something available in the kitchen. Again, mom would get offended for that, and blame me as if I am acting up.

But we outgrew that phase.

I think a house could bear only one insane person at a time. We both were insane then, and blame our hormones, health issues, stress etc..etc...

The same mother runs behind me and feeds me today, though I skip the meal due to dieting purpose.

So, ignore everything... Unless your mom is bad otherwise, take it as something beyond her capacity. Not everyone is wise to handle stress with tactic.

Stay a few more weeks at your mom's place. Occupy your elder DD with some tasks like coloring, rhymes, videos etc...
If possible enroll her to pre-school

Pay an additional fee to your maid, to reduce mom's other work loads.

And start to do simple works because it is anyway good for you.

 

Same thing or more than that happened with me also. My mother is quiet old too and she really struggled, worked hard for me and my siblings. This time she should take rest and we should give them all comforts for that.
Whatever it is things happened soon after my delivery I am not able to forget even after 4 years and I fight with my Mom for that now also sometimes. My mother never change her routine for anybody. She forced me to go to our village soon after my delivery in a week time as village environment is good for me and baby both.I aslso wanted to avoid my monster mother in law drama. we went to our village and hired a maid there for help. It is hard to get maid in my village as very few goes for outside work and most of them will be having their own work in their farms. Those few maids will be already hired by very rich people in the village as full time. Our maid used to do all work in early morning and then used to go for her full time work. My Mom used to do baby bath, cooking etc and I always made sure to be as busy as her in helping her. My daughter hardly sleeps at night and my mother stopped sleeping in same room as ours saying she is getting disturbed. I used to get fear in the night to sleep all alone with baby as our home is in middle of the forest and there were instances where snakes entered home. I used to keep light on all night and no sleep at all at night for me. In between she used to complain about me to my elder brother and he used to question me indirectly. I also came to know that she is waiting for me to go back. There was a Diwali festival in between and my brothers, SIl came home and my own mother made me NIL in front of my brother and SIL. I used to work, cook and wait for my mother to finish her food so that I can give my daughter to her to hold and I finish my food. My elder brother used to make long face if my mother eat fast when all of them eat together and used to taunt me...:-(. Very bad days I had. Total financial responsibilities were mine and still I was treated like outsider. Then I went back and forced her to come with him for some help as I had to join office. She told me to ask permission from my elder brother. after many taunts I got permission, one month she stayed with me and came back. In those days I made sure she hardly has to do any work as I hired maid for everything. After some months I went to my native as she literally forced me to come and she wanted to see her grand daughter very badly. Same response I received that time also. Same taunts from my elder brother. Now it is been 2 years I am out of country, she is really waiting for us to go back and she is literally begging. I also want to go back, see her and spend time with her. But, at the same time I am scared to get hurt again. I know she loves me and my daughter. I also love her so much. After all, she is the reason for what I am today and struggle, sacrifice she did to raise us beat everything.

 

First of all Congratulations for your newborn!
I was in your situation couple of years back, my mom is not 66 but she was 58 when I had my now almost 3 yrs toddler..she was also energetic, used to go for morning walks etc, but her health has taken a downhill since last few years she had pneumonia, and have osteoporosis..
Now I am pregnant again, about to deliver next month, she will be with me..my father cannot come..
let me give you my take on this:
My first feelings when I realized that she cannot work as much as I was expecting were also of disappointment..there were lots of misunderstandings...she felt hurt, I felt hurt..there were bitter feelings when newborn was around...looking back, I have feelings of guilt..immense guilt....I love my mom and dad...All parents want to help their kids willingly..no one would want to say no to their kids....I am sure this is taking a lot of physical toll on your mom...at her age, due to menopause, they have hormonal issues which are beyond their control...this can cause irritated behavior...they cannot handle the daily challenges...when you say your toddler messes it up, it would be very tough on them to see it everyday no matter how much they love their granddaughter....
This is just a phase, I would recommend not to show any hurt or feelings of anger towards your parents, this will save your from the guilt that I feel till today....
Handle this phase together with your hubby, hire a couple of more nannies for handling your toddler, sounds like you are in India so its pretty easy to get them....occasional help from old parents is OK..its been 5 weeks of your c section you should be able to walk around, and be independent now..get yourself checked by doctor..dont lift heavy if your tummy still hurt....
No matter what, do not say anything hurtful to your parents....keep it within yourself, keep the anger within you, suck it up but dont show or use bad words....because I am sure this phase will pass and you will feel better that these feelings of hurt were temporary...and plus no guilt of hurting your old parents...they should at this age enjoy the toddlers but not clean and do work....this is physically challenging..sometimes, they may miss their alone and peaceful days...
so, be graceful, leave by first week with smile, and please do thank her and your dad for taking care of you and toddler, and also as a token of respect, buy them what they need like new clothes/something in kitchen she needs..this is anyways done as ceremony when we have newborn..

 

That's the spirit. Im sure your brave and strong enough to handle yourself and your kid. Have a wonderful life. Cheers!