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Am I Being Reasonable Or Selfish

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by shama146, Mar 15, 2017.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Silver IL'ite

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    Not selfish..postpartum lot of rest is required for some l months..you must be exhausted..
    And obviously you felt hurt when your mother wanted to send you off early..
    It's true that at such advanced age of 66 yrs it's difficult for your mother to look after you, your naughty toddler and baby..but she should have communicated this to you directly and asked for suggestion than telling ur hubby in indirect way..
    Why don't you discuss frankly..
    Is it possible to get hired help in your mothers home to help out..
    Or can your parents come to your place and help you , along with maid and cook and some additional helps..
    Looking after one baby itself is demanding..you have two babies and it's pretty early after delivery to do everything on your own..
     
    shama146 likes this.
  2. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    Parents deftly need rest. If possible we should help them, we should not burden them. It's yours and your husband's duty to take care of your kids. Looks like your husband has escaped from early parenting responsibilities. He should not feel bad about your moms words, instead he should feel bad about himself for not helping out here. But it's good that you are alreast concerned you are burdening your parents. There are so many irresponsible sons and daughter who make their parents baby sit and blame the parents when they hesitate to. Our parents have sacrificed a lot while we were kids..at least now we should be helpful to parents and not burden them. Our kids won't listen to what we teach them. They see us, they learn from us. You and your husband take up the responsibility and be an example to your kids.
     
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  3. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    Really feel sorry for old Indian parents who are asked to be babysitters. Her mom is 66 years old. Her mom itself is like a kid. I feel really really sorry for her. Our parents have given birth to us, sacrificed a lot and helped us grow. How can one ask parents to take care their kids too. Why are we hiding the father of the new born from picture. Only utterly selfish couple will demand old parents to take care of their kids. Such parents are setting a bad example for kids.

    Looking after one baby itself is demanding.."
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2017
  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I did not read what others answered as sometimes your opinion gets the direction reading others. So here is what I think unbiased.
    I think you should go back to DH house and have a FT maid and put kid to daycare. You can visit you mom on and off for longer visits like weeks. They also need to recharge.

    For parents at that age, their patience and energy can not match 2 yrs old. They are super novas. I have same age kid and been to my mom recently. Though I have only 1 child and i had sister also and maid too, my parents did nt say but literally exhausted serving my kid's demands or food needs or other chores. In your case, you have infant. My mom also would say few words few times but I know that was just out of tiredness.
    I take care of my kid here at my home and if someone sends playdate to my place, even though I welcome but I get tired after sometime so you understand what I am saying.
    You are not selfish. You are in need and you are mom. Trying to find best for your kids and staying at mom's also fills up emotional needs ( for me atleast).

    For how long you plan to stay at mom's more? If for long, you can send the elder one to daycare or local school for some hours or hire another nanny for her.
     
    shama146 likes this.
  5. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks all for ur reply.

    Actually i had planned to stay for two months i.e. till April. after my c section, But now i will leave by first week of April as I also feel my mother is getting too tired.

    We all are humans ,we do get hurt sometimes. God is up there , he will take care of things when I will be alone with kids.
     
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  6. sumalynux

    sumalynux Platinum IL'ite

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    some people have given very rude answers..Please don't be hard on your self..

    Yes agree parents get exhausted, but I feel they could have discussed about putting toddler to daycare, father of child helping weekends and evenings and hiring extra maid... Atleast if your Mom just managing cooking work would have helped you recover. First 3 to 5 months if a new mom can get help it brings down 1000 worries. I know how difficult it is to manage toddler and new born with unreliable maids.

    I faced same I had life threatening delivery and till 48hrs doc had not given guarantee if I would live... very very complicated case. Dad is 58 and mom 50... very rich, could have hired maid.. still my dad gave ultimatum I should move once baby is 3months.

    So I know how you feel with all tiredness and parents not willing to help ( I don't expect them to take care of kids, but cooking and overseeing the maid would give some needed rest to new mom).

    I feel it's problem this generation people face. Nuclear families .. our parents, In-laws, grand parents used to go at 7th or 9th month pregnancy to parents place n back when child is 5th or 9th month. Even after coming back tons of people in in-laws place to help keep 1st or 2nd baby occupied while mom cares for newborn...

    May God give physical strength to handle.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2017
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  7. sumalynux

    sumalynux Platinum IL'ite

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    Who are you?? I have seen all your previous replies it says " suicide, reborn as dog" such a rude and inappropriate posts.. can moderator take action??

    @Laks09 @Rihana
     
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  8. shwethamona

    shwethamona New IL'ite

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    I agree to Emerald, your not selfish. I do think that it is difficult for her to handle things by her own with 2 kids to look after. If it is an option, you can hire some1 who can look after your kid and help with the hosehold chores for a month or so, even if it means to spend a little extra. As it is temporary. Else you can move back and do the same in your/husband's house. hire some 1 to look after and help you with your work.
     
    shama146 likes this.
  9. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP
    we both are on the same boat. I also had another C-section October last year. My elder son is 4 years old.
    I had cook, cleaning lady coming twice a day, a maid for massage etc, even then my mother was not happy and left once my second baby turned 2 months. Since then I have been handling them alone. I dont complain as my mother has been missing my father and her home very much. So I put some more maids. Come back to your place dear and get maids. I promise you that you will not get any rest and will have to be on your toes day and night. But its better than having the guilt of making old mother working so hard at this age.
    Time will fly soon and very soon you will have two grown up kids.
     
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  10. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Silver IL'ite

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    Shame on you lady, stop posting. People do not need you. Go somewhere and sulk at the world around you.
     
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