Always feeling very sad,lonely and depressed...how to overcome it?

Hi Kenny - I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My *** Hugs *** to you.
In my opinion some people will never grow up. After 4 yrs also If his mom is his 1st priority and he is not sharing his financial details with you then I think it is going to be that way.

Some Men think it is inferior or Bad if they pay too much attention or love to their wife infront of their Mom. Also They think their mom will be happy (Obviosly she will be) if he spends less time with you.

I have a question did you ask him about his salary details? Like casually and did you asked him lets open a joint savings account? some thing like that?

If you didn't ask him yet just ask him also you both find some time to talk . Go out for dinner and discuss everything tell him how you are feeling about the whole situation. Never mention about his mom or your parents.
Just talk casually and express your feelings that you are feeling bad for keeping everything to him although you have been married for 4 yrs.

Hope everything will get better. Please don't feel drpressed or alone. We are all here to support you.
Take good care of yourself.Feel good about yourself. Do things that you would like to do and things that makes you happy (I myself going through a phase of depression and I am doing all the things I suggested you. I am trying to keep my self positive)

When you think all these negative things its a lot of negativity and pain which can put you through depression. Try to think positive and stay happy

 

hi kenny,

I went through all these problems.

My suggestion is as you were saying , he found that you are not in normal for some reason. And both are working. Why don't you ask him to take you to lunch during the work days. Then sit with him and try and talk to him your concerns. Be very very very patient. Men can't accept their faults (mainly from wife). He can divert the topic. Try to be focus only on your concerns. Never let the topic take diversion.

The other thing I can say, stand up to Yourself First.

The reason why I am telling you to standup to yourself is based on my exprience, these men will discuss the lunch meet conversation with their mothers. So if such thing happen,both of them together can confront you on your concerns, then you should be strong enough to tell both of them, that your concerns are not faulty.

 

sit and talk to him and tell all your concerns.Do not make your parents to talk to him about all your concerns.That will make you look childish in his eyes.You be the matured person and say things calmly to him.

 

No don't get parents involved. I feel once the parents are involved the end result will only be divorce court. He doesnot respect your parents so how will he change after their advice or talk.
First speak to him again, next stand up for yourself.
So your name is not included in the new house but did you still give the money that he was asking you?

 

Now is the chance... When he asks the next time why ur not normal, tell him all th pain tht ur goin through... He needs to understand u esp when u have not told anyone about his problem and bearing all the taunts n hurting words by others... Sit down n talk when ur mom-in-law is not around... I hope u will soon be happy n enjoy life as u wish... Tc...

 

Hugs to you!!!! I can feel your pain!!! Nothing hurts more than indifference and feeling of neglect.

1. Dont involve others (including your own parents) until it is absolutely necessary...often 3rd party intervention does more damage than good.
2. Men dont understand our feelings or the hurt they are causing us unless we spell it out loud and clear. You need to stand strong. Since he has asked you why you are not normal..you can use this as an opening to discuss everything that is bothering you...but remember no accusatory words...everything matter of fact and honest....without over displays of emotion. Tears and angry accusations often put men off and they stop listening to you and think that we are using tears as a tool of manipulation.
3. When you talk to him dont say "you did this, you speak to your mother, you ignored my parents" instead say "i would like it if we could do this together" focus on "WE"...
4. Dont neglect him even if he neglects you because it sends him a signal that you are not interested in him either and that will make him withdraw more. Men want attention more than they are willing to give.
5. Discussing joint finances is very important even though you might be working and financially independent...so discuss a joint ac and joint name of the house. Dont let him distract. Make sure he understands that this is between the two of you., and let him know in clear terms that if the house is going to be in his and his mother's name, then let him not expect contribution from you. Make him understand that you are partners here and together for life...

finally, you cannot control his indifference or his attitude but you can change yours...ignore the hurt feelings and try to bring it in yourself to have fun in your relationship...do small things that will bring you both emotionally closer. Try to understand that maybe the infertility issues may be causing him more distress than he is letting on which is causing him to emotionally distant himself from you and hang on to his mama's pallu...and dont rest on your fate/destiny...take control..believe in yourself...and stand tall.

Good luck.

 

Good luck in your talk. Like other person said use the word we a lot don't accuse or point fingers at some one or bring up an event or subject from the past.
Don't use third party like friends etc.
Can you get the advise from financial planner, or bank loan officer or the tax auditor.
You can tell your h before making such a big purchase both of you should get advice from professionals to see the pro's and con's of the financial commitment.
Once he agrees to it and you meet the professional at the meeting you can always ask the pro's and con's of having 2 names or 3 names on the sale deed.

 

kenny,
you are very sincere and straightforward and your husband is taking adv of that. He is "slippery" when it comes to financial matters. ie. he smartly changes topic. You have lots of issues with him. Why dont you try to prioritize your problems and tackle it one by one. Some issues are easy to solve whereas some may take yrs to solve. CHoose your battles. Being ablr to think problems clearly and having a solution in hand is necessary. if you go to him expecting him to solve your problems it will not work. like other things you do, take control. for instance, why do you need to ask your husband to tell ur parents to se the new house. why cant you tell and just inform your husband that your parents will be seeing the house because you feel very strongly for it. Dont ask for permission. Just inform him. When he questions, tell some excuse and be "slippery" like ur husband. give him a taste of his own medicine.