Always Feel Like There Is No Value For The Sacrifices Am Ready To Make.

U r such a nice daughter.. how lucky your parents shud be. Their son's attitude towrds them diverting their thoughts and are fully worried.. dont thnk bad abt ur moms attitude.. moms always stays cool n pampering while talking wit their kida whi r naughty n aggressive. She is afraid to askny he is not calling him, as he is always on yelling tone.. (may b)
I strongly feel like u shud start thnking of urself.. try some matrimonial sites n find a partner. U have a Life ... V mite hav read lots of real life of ppl who sacrificed everythn for their near ones and at the end they feel devasted ... U need som1 to feel special .. love, care, family,kids these are all beautiful feelings u shud also have. Enjoy your life . God has given us opportunity and freedom for everything. this doesnt mean u shudnt do anything for parents.. u have duty towards ur parents.. (but now they r not interested in receiving anythng frm u,)may b later their minds mite change... and abt ur brother...just keep a clean connection with him .. atleast a hi in every week.. just for a peaceful mind..(duty towards parents shudnt block u from fulfilling ur wishes and likes).enjoy ur life tooo
.. Good luck

 

Dear Op
What you have done so far for ur brother and parents is great. God gives every family one person like u to have that family united. You are great.

But u are in US and parents doesnt take any of ur money, so only thing u doing now is talking on phones. Past u did give money to brother. U have decises not to marry for parents sake but do they understand that. Or they think u r single for ur own reasons.

My suggestion, do a visit visa and bring parents here, or move India.
dont stay single, start searching for guy who is ready to let u take care of parents.
Obviously ur mom or any mom wolud want her kids to talk to each other, so just calling and saying hello to ur brother will not hurt or do any bad.
What u expect ur mom to do, shout and fight with son, how will she feel doing that? Will that change ur bro? Or what if he completely cuts ties with u all.
Parents arent as dumb as we think, they have more insight to circumstamces of things.

So if u really want to take responsibility move to india, marry someone who supports u. Leave it to ur mom dad on how they want to treat ur bro,
U just be like hello bye to bro

 

Run away and be a shellfish person. When the stewardess in an airplane announces that you have put your oxygen mask on first, and make sure you can breathe well, before you help others with their problems, she is talking to YOU.

 

There will never be a value to the sacrifices you want to make, because there is no need for them.

Your brother is not unique. There are many sons/brothers like him. Your mother is also not unique. Many such moms.

But you are really unique. Who does this? Giving up marriage, family of your own to please your parents? Please don't be so sense less.

The normal is to move forward, grow and reach out/branch out. Abnormal is to stop growing, stop branching out.

You will NEVER replace your brother in your mom's mind. What happens between her and her son should in no case affect your life. You want to cut off your brother, do so. And don't get dragged into the messy relationship again and again by your mother.

Please stop this sacrificing and live for yourself. God bless!

 

You are taken for a ride..
Wake up.. You dont even have to be selfish, you start being rational.
You gave up on marriage to take care of your parents? What kind of parents will be ok with that? Trust me, you are not doing them good. They were alright all these years, right? So why wont they be later? Why cant you take care of them if you have a life?

Sorry to say, your mother is manipulator. She wants to have contact with your bro at any cost. She can make sacrifices, its her previlege but why should you? She being angry with you and nice to your br means, she is using you as the punching bag..

If your mother was an IL MiL, what would our girls say? I suggest you 'detach'. You are allowed to terminate your relationship with toxic people.

 

Your mum is worried about your brother but she knows that if she takes out her frustration on him, he'll stop calling. And she takes it out on you because the more she's done it in the past the more you've probably tried to please her.

Your sanity, health and life is most important. Without that you have nothing to give your parents either. You can't make them happy as long as you are her fall-guy, you'll be the punching bag. You really need to start thinking about yourself.

If your mum tries to drag you down with this unfair behaviour, don't give in. It isn't being selfish - it's just self preservation. Don't declare you won't talk to your brother or anything dramatic. Don't commit to talking to him either. Just say you'll get around to it and change the topic.

It's perfectly fine to be a little less available to your mum too. Dont be very accessible when she is in a lousy mood. Especially when she starts obsessing about her son. Just directly say, "we've discussed this 100 times. Talk about something else." If she won't, you really have to draw more boundaries by not answering calls immediately, not calling as often and not speaking for as long.

Don't let her guilt you into thinking you are a bad daughter. Again directly say, "you really hurt me with your harsh insensitive words. If you honestly think I'm not a good enough daughter, I'm sorry. There is nothing more I can do." And cut the call. I think your mum need that wake up call to stop taking you for granted.

You asserting yourself instead of bending over backwards will help you form a more healthy relationship with her. Draw clear boundaries. It is essential.

There is absolutely no reason to give up your youth and your dream career for your parents' sake. Live your life. Moving back to babysit them instead of getting married and having your family isn't going to help in any way shape or form.

 

OP, please transfer some money to their account and make them feel secured. Do this regularly so that they don't have financial tension. Find suitable boy for yourself by registering in matrimonial sites. Be careful there can be many crooks there as well. Usually parents haste to get their daughter s married. But why is it not there in your case. Before calling your mom, first call your brother and then updated them about him. Don't give them chance to yell at you.

Is their BP/sugar all normal, people shout n scream when these are high. Ask them to get it checked regularly and also to take medicines regularly.

How are your relatives behaving with your parents. Are they winding them to talk against you. Check that out.

 

Op, You are a good daughter. Maybe too good. Your mom is dumping everything on you and look like a great mom to your brother. You need to be selfish and think of yourself.Your mom is clumping you with your brother and branding you a bad kid. Its not true. You are a good daughter and your mom is insensitive not to recognize you. Your brother is selfish jerk and seeing everything in US with rose tinted glasses. He is selfish and milked you for his own benefit. The least he cud do was acknowledge it . Which he didn't . You can cut him off and think of yourself. Don't entertain him. Just talk to him when he calls and ask neutral things.

You shud be proud of yourself. You are smart, intelligent and achieved quite a bit at a young age.Dont let anybody even your brother undermine you. If your mom starts dumping on you on phone with how bad you kids are, tell her you will call back. Do it 2-3 times. Your parents shud comfort you in small way seeing that you are far off managing life all alone here.If your mom asks after this that why you did it, say you don't like being paired with your brother who is nothing but selfish and ungrateful son.

As much as you want to be a good daughter, you need to think of your own life. How is it that your parents never mentioned your marriage. Dont take harsh decisions. Be supportive of your parents, but think about your life too. Everybody needs some partnership.Good Luck.

 

OP, my mom's brother family has some similarity. My mami (brothers wife) is just like your mom, they have a son and daughter, daughter well educated and is in Australia, working and in early thirties not married yet, again due to the responsibilities towards old parents and brother is irresponsible. I am mentioning this, because I have seen their family and can give you a detached out of the box view and suggestion.

I would really advise you to please plan for finding a life partner for yourself, and even mention it to your parents that you want to get married and have a family like everyone else. Try to make your parents realize their responsibility of finding a match for their daughter.
Regarding your brother, do not give the importance you are giving him like now. Just, stop calling him frequently, brothers esp elders if they are giving stress to younger sister and dependent on her shamelessly are not worth keeping relations with. The sooner you realize this, the better you will be in your life. NOONE, i repeat, NO ONE will help you when you feel lonely, crave for family..instead your mom, and everyone will say "oh we didnt stop you from getting married, we didnt ask you to leave your world for us" even if this is coming as emotional blackmail, ignore the subtle signs real hard, close your eyes to all this mess and please plz plzz focus on yourself.

your parents are independent, if they need anything, you have offered them enough times, they dont take it shows that they follow traditional indian culture, but due to the tensions of your brother, they are not able to do anything for you....if you give them hints that your marriage age is passing by and you would like to settle down in a family, they would start realizing their responsibilities and they should. just like your brother, they need to focus on you as well.

since you are independent in a better position, they are taking you for granted...i mean its easy for them to do this even if they dont want to.

focus on your good life, you have job friends and now make YOUR life better by finding a good life partner....go and have fun with your friends without tagging your loser brother.....tell your brother to be whatever he wants to, your parents cannot be modern, "jo karna hai kar ley,this is what he got" if he doesnt want to keep good relations with his sister and parents over petty stuff, let him be...life throws good experiences and he will come around some day to you and parents.....

take care and good luck