1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

alll suggestions welcome

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by jingi92, Feb 5, 2015.

  1. jingi92

    jingi92 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    473
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all

    this is the first time i am posting something here in parenting ... i dunno if i can call it a serious prob .. but a prob it is all the same ... and i need some suggestions from you ppl ... thanks in advance

    now the issue

    hv a son (only) who has finished his btech ... (2014) ... but says he is scared to take up a job ... he has always been hypersensitive and is a very silent one (read isolated) .. doesnt mingle ... has a few friends, mingles with them ONLY if they come to him ... he doesnt go to meet them ... rather lies in bed all day and is not concerned what a waste of time it is ...

    so to change him and make him more responsible we (husband and i) decided to put him in a hostel ... he is there in the hostel now for almost 5 months ... still doesnt bother to search for any or attend any interviews ... jz stays in the hostel doing nothing .. husband is cribbing "now it is both a waste of time and money" ...

    i dunno what to do ... all talk has failed ... plz advice ...

    thanks again

    with warm regards and best wishes
    madhu
     
    Loading...

  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Is he interested in anything else? That he just stays in bed whole day long makes me concerned.

    Could you check with your family doctors about his hormone levels? Imbalances could make people sluggish and lethargic.

    Also if he has anxiety in public that stops him from being functional, he might need therapy to overcome his fears.

    The doctor would be the first stop.
     
  3. Sahana1

    Sahana1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    370
    Likes Received:
    159
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    He should have some friends
    Then he won't be scared
     
  4. jingi92

    jingi92 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    473
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks guesshoo n sahana1 ... yes think he needs to be counseled ... he is active when he has something to do ... it is like something selective ... he doesn't do it if he is not interested ... and nothing i can say can make him do it ... friends .. hmmm very limited tho he does hv some ... :)
     
  5. Sahana1

    Sahana1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    370
    Likes Received:
    159
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    You should tell him what will happen if he don't work
    Don't worry
    I think he is like some who does not like to work under anyone
    If so he should do some business
    Did you ask him, does he want to do business?
    Regards,
    Sahana
     
  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,299
    Likes Received:
    6,339
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Is there anything at all that he is interested in that has limited interaction with customers? I am guessing careers like hospitality etc are ruled out. There are a few IT jobs that would let him work from home (if he is lucky to get one).

    Also, if he has always been this way, its mostly to do with his personality.

    List down the activities that he really enjoys and see if he can make some money out of it. These days, there are several creative ways to make money, unlike the olden days.
     
  7. jingi92

    jingi92 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    473
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    thank you sahana and rakhii ... thanks a lot fr the immediate and helpful response ... my hubby comes from a business line ... but i wasnt interested in my son getting into it ... son is also not very keen ... he has done his btech inf tech n is interested in becoming a software developer ... but aint showing the inclination to go get a job ... keeps developing progs in his laptop mostly .. he has always been a shy kid ... rakhii ur idea of working from home is again the same ... i want him to go out in the wide world and develop his personality ... and learn to interact with people ... we hv of course given him the freedom to choose what he wants to become ... but he is still undecided ... more truthfully put .. he is confused ... which is why I wanted some suggestions from you ppl ... my husband has asked him about the business part ... but he isnt keen ... lets see ..
     
  8. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,747
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Get your son into your business and ask him to do some thing related to IT may be build some stuff useful for business.This would be a familiar environment to start with and your husband can guide him
     
  9. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    1,646
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, I see 2 different issues here.

    1. Lack of motivation

    2. Lack of communication skills

    Both could be inter-related. Here is what I would do for the motivation part.

    1.As suggested by other posters get your boy checked for hormonal imbalances and also talk to a good pyschologist.

    2. Your son is a grown up adult, have him bear responsibilities. For eg, have you held him accountable for completing certain chores at home? Its not too late to start now. Give him tasks to complete. For eg Going to the bank, help with cooking (cutting veggies etc), or have him grow/maintain a garden. The idea is to set a goal and hold him accountable for its completion.

    Now the communication skills part.

    Here are some links to good programs. I highly recommend the RYLA program.

    Membership Fee - Chennai Toastmasters Club| Public Speaking | Leadership

    http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/when-and-where

    https://www.rotary.org/en/get-involved/join-leaders/rotaract-interact-and-ryla

    GOod communication skills are essential to live in this world, not just securing a job. Even if he were to join your husband in business, he still needs to communicate with different people. I am not aware of any stay-at-home job opportunities for a fresher. IMO like you rightly assessed he needs to go out and build a life. His graduation is over but he stills needs many of the chinks necessary to build a good life.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    1,646
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, I see 2 different issues here.

    1. Lack of motivation

    2. Lack of communication skills

    Both could be inter-related. Here is what I would do for the motivation part.

    1.As suggested by other posters get your boy checked for hormonal imbalances and also talk to a good pyschologist.

    2. Your son is a grown up adult, have him bear responsibilities. For eg, have you held him accountable for completing certain chores at home? Its not too late to start now. Give him tasks to complete. For eg Going to the bank, help with cooking (cutting veggies etc), or have him grow/maintain a garden. The idea is to set a goal and hold him accountable for its completion.

    Now the communication skills part.

    Here are some links to good programs. I highly recommend the RYLA program.

    http://www.chennaitoastmasters.com/become-a-member/membership-fee/

    http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/when-and-where

    https://www.rotary.org/en/get-involved/join-leaders/rotaract-interact-and-ryla

    GOod communication skills are essential to live in this world, not just securing a job. Even if he were to join your husband in business, he still needs to communicate with different people. I am not aware of any stay-at-home job opportunities for a fresher. IMO like you rightly assessed he needs to go out and build a life. His graduation is over but he stills needs many of the chinks necessary to build a good life.
     

Share This Page