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All those people who have been through, please advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nowhere, Dec 26, 2011.

  1. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    I was cheated in an arranged marriage. Suffered in a new place, abroad all alone and faced lots of issues including immigration. There were/ are days when I could not wake up to go to work, but had to. No child, and I am over 30! At times, i feel my life became meaningless. When I return home from work, there is a big void that fills me and life ahead is scary (often I do pretend I am over it).

    Well I am doing some job, and no child etc, and probably I should not worry. I agree these are plus, but are they really? The purpose of marriage is lost, and women who have been through this would know better!

    It is logical to think that I should divorce this person and run. Not only me, but my entire family back home in India is suffering due to my failed marriage. My parents' life revolved around me, and I don't have words to express the trauma we underwent.

    In the corner of my heart I have this question: If women like me can't talk for justice, what would dependent women in similar situations do? Should we allow these kind of people/guys walk free? Are there women in this forum who did take action, and what was the outcome.
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    Hey ,Sorry for your plight But for anyone to give a reply...They should know whats wrong?What do you mean by cheating?I can understand how to is to leave all the family and go with a stranger abroad because you got married..I understand pain of feeling homesick..I really do..But divorce for that??I feel you should add some more info for Il to help you more dear
     
  3. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    lavii,
    premarital affairs+post marital affair. Never opened to me before marriage.
    H claims he doesn't have post marital, but thats not true. H said he married me because I was 'liked' by his family, have fair skin so his kids will be 'fair', and he wanted someone with him when he gets old.
    I am low maintenance because I work on my own standing (he has GC so he couldn't bring a girl by sponsoring her)
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2011
  4. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    sad to know dear...And its awful to listen to his explanation as to why he choose you...
    Few things though ..Did he say these words in anger or was it a normal discussion where he clearly mentioned these reasons?
    Are you sure about present affair?If you are then even though he denied the fact did you show him proof and asked for an explanation?
    Sorry to say this but if the affairs that you are talking about is true..Its good that you are not blessed with a child yet..
     
  5. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    yes lavii, sometimes I feel blessed not to have a child with him, but in my heart I wanted a family.
    I have decided to leave him, but the scar remains. Signing mutual consent will be giving him a cakewalk.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  6. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Divorce with mutual consent would be a cake walk for you too as you will be free and not waste your precious years fighting a divorce case. Then you can rebuild your life instead of torturing yourself with prolonged proceedings and wasting your time and energy.
    The earlier you get out the faster you will recover but if you are hoping for a reconciliation then its a different matter.
    Arranged marriages are based on the criteria you have mentioned , all want decent fair educated girls !
     
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  7. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    thanks flowerlady. Why is life unfair, is what I keep asking myself.
    This guy does what he pleases, has all the fun in the world. Spoils my life. I get divorced and is this cakewalk for me? I don't want reconciliation but want to see that he pays (not monetary) for what he did to me and my family.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You don't get divorced dear. You divorce him. Don't give him that fair baby he craved. Let him go try his luck elsewhere. Let him get one of these types he goes out with to stand by him in his old age. Do you think it will be that easy to get someone to suit all his requirements and who will also stand for all his dalliances on the side? Where will that leave him? Quit him and you can rest assured life is not going to be a cakewalk for him either.

    Other than that, get on with your life. Every moment you spend thinking so much about him and worrying about his continuing to have a good life is eventually lost to you. Is this what you want? Get on with your life, unless you think there is some real chance of a proper reconciliation.
     
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  9. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    I do get your point. He doesn't care for babies or family, but if he had, he wanted a child that is fair. He is generally unattached even with his family.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2011
  10. iyermaragatham

    iyermaragatham Senior IL'ite

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    Divorce him as soon as possible. Don't give him anything he craves for. Get on with your life. Don't waste your life with this jerk. Good Luck.
     

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