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All This. For What?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, Feb 22, 2019.

  1. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Studies have shown that kids subjected to helicopter parenting are successful . That accounts for majority of the Asian population. I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with expecting your kids to do well in life and working towards it. Rather than success it is about being able to support themselves financially. There is nothing charming in having to rely on others for money.
    Unlike our times kids today have to thrive in a ultra competitive world. College dropouts like Bill Gates and Ambani’s being successful makes for a good story. I do not want to take that kind of chance with my kids. My goal is to make sure that they can sustain themselves after I am gone.
     
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    [QUOTE="Amulet, post: 4123489, member:
    A good parent will create a trust fund that will maintain a child through life, even when s/he grows up to practice competitive basket weaving. If parents cannot do that, they ought to desist and abstain.[/QUOTE]

    Really? I thought teaching how to fish is important than feeding. We will create a future generation of takers if we do that, in my view. Basket weaving sounds great to me but the baskets will have to be sold where they are needed.
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    That is the kind of upbringing that would help create balanced, happy and successful children, Viswa. There is nothing such as 'perfect' parenting. We can only do our best.
     
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  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Manisha, it is how you define 'helicopter' parenting. Yes, today it has become extremely essential to keep a watch on kids to see what they are upto to protect them from any major issues in life.

    As for expecting kids to do well in life and working towards it, I agree, there is nothing wrong. My only point is,

    1. Is it necessary to impose choice of subjects on children?
    2. Is it wise to shut out all extra-curricular activities such as playing freely with other kids (I am not talking of organized sports) in order for them to succeed?
    3. Does purely academic training make a person a 'success'? What about social and life skills? "You only concentrate on you studies right now. Don't think of anything else" sounds rather extreme to me.
    4. How much does one have to earn to be a 'success'? Can that be achieved without being a book-worm?

    Does studying something one genuinely enjoys studying, having a healthy study-play-socialize balance mean they can't earn sufficiently, especially in today's world? Yes, the Bill Gates and Ambanis of the world making a success in their times was not common. However in today's world there are plenty of opportunities for children to turn their interests effectively into a living.
     
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  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @satchitananda
    Dear satchi
    Some parents will never learn. They want their child a 'showpiece'
    I saw an episode of such a parent in a serial of Radhika called Vani Rani. A mother is very keen that her daughter should consistently score hundred out of 100 in all subjects. Even if the child misses it by one mark and scores 99, her mother will take severe action. The child grows more and more miserable. One fine day, she throws her mark sheets from the top of a hill, jumps from there and ends her life.
    Unfortunately this is not a fiction anymore. Read the story of S.Anitha
    Sri
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    South Korea has the dubious distinction of beating India in suicides/million population.

    Parents, and children suffer with huge levels of stress.



    One friend in Singapore says her DIL is sending her elementary school age child to coaching classes to become :confundio1:gifted-and-talented, so that the child can join some new fangled Ministry of Education (MoE) program for gifted kids. :facepalm:
     
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  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    People need to get a sense of balance and perspective. I often wonder, who asks you for your marksheets or whether you got 100% or 79% after a few years? Life just settles into a pattern and one trudges on.
     
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, China, Japan, Korea are not far behind us or vice versa. This is complete madness.
     
  9. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.
    Brian Tracy

    Our parents may not be perfect but they are the most precious gift Godhas ever given everyone Children are remarkable. They always observe everything, listen carefully .They always observe their parents and follow their footsteps. Parents should be wise builders and role models. .

    It has become a challenge in bringing up children . In our days we used to listen to our parents and follow their advice regarding education and marriage. Those times many have not studied after Xth. My brother wanted to become Engineer but due to finance problem he had to take up a job and became graduate by studying in night school. Those days daughters were not allowed to study after Xth and parents got them married.

    But now days have changed children decide their own future. They take parents's advice wherever necessary .There is so much competition.

    Parents want their children to be smart and talented but children can do whatever is in their capacity.We cant thrust on them our wishes. Some are talented by birth . My son has grasping power and did well in his studies. I told him to take up CA because for engineering you have to study the whole year . Though it took time for him to become a CA but he did not lose hope. He joined my office when he was doing articleship and leanrt ERP. Now he is doing well and is a Director. My grand daughter also has grasping power and does not sit and study but somehow she scores more than 70%. We have to leave the children according to their choice. They will do well

    Recently my friend'sgrand son committed suicide . He was 19 years old. He was very smart , has loving family , good in studies dont know what made him to commit suicide

    Whether or not you have children yourself, you are a parent to the next generation. If we can only stop thinking of children as individual property and think of themas the next generation, then we can realize we all have a role to play
     
  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I don’t think any parent in today’s day and age can afford to or even attempts to shut off extra curricular activities. Getting into undergraduate\ graduate school/ decent job requires one to be a well rounded individual in today’s times. The socializing / life skills/ extracurricular activities all come in the form of organized sports/ music/ art related activities along with a million potlucks , birthday parties , sleepovers and movie nights the kids get these days. I don’t know about India but this is how children in the western world are being brought up. They have opinions, likes and dislikes and are being thought to excercise their choices at a young age. This is the norm from what I see around me for the most part. There are no book worms but just a bunch of precocious , educated, opinionated , talented, happy little individuals :)
    As for turning interests into living , it is something only the rich can afford to take a chance with. This is not something a average middle class individual can think about when there are bills to pay and no family inheritance to rely on. Of course there are few that take a chance and succeed but I am not sure I want to take that chance with my children. They are free to pursue their hobbies along with getting a professional degree and a decent paying job. By decent I mean being able to pay their monthly bills and put food on the table and be able to save for a rainy day. All this without having to rely on their parents or having to borrow money from anyone else. Its an added bonus if they can afford to take vacations and indulge in other materialistic pleasures. But that I is not what I am aiming for at all.


     
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