All This. For What?

True that. We seem to place unrealistic demands on the younger generation. (Not that we don't hold ourselves up against such demands - we do that too and then suffer from guilt, self-blame .....) Our vision has become so coloured by our own definitions of 'success' that we fail to notice that life has many other facets to it. Result: Lack of interest (who could remain interested if they are forced to do a dull, repetitive job day in and day out without respite?), frustration, mental and emotional stress, broken homes ..... Our society suffers from a lack of recognition of individuality while there are societies where individuality is worshipped at the cost of consideration for others (an I-Me-Myself society).

 

When you say 'get to below average', I presume you are talking of marks. While I realize the all-encompassing importance of marks to get children to wherever the parents want them to get / or where the children want to get, the question is: In order to get the required grades, is it important to make children study to the exclusion of everything else in life? Does that ensure they get where they want to? If they don't, can they recover the lost years and be children again? What about other life skills? Even sports is often organized and it is hard to see them playing spontaneously outside on their own. Even that involves driving around to classes, coaching etc. in order to make some grade there too. How about playing just for the sake of playing or relaxing? Our older generations did not endure such compulsions or pressures. Our generation buckled under it silently and survived or broke. The present generation rebels.

The girl who ran away did so exactly out of that fear. Despite doing phenomenally well all her life, she panicked before the finals and worried 'what if I fail/don't do so well?' Is so-called 'success' really worth all these 'sacrifices'?

 

Thanks a lot for that shravs.

That depends on the expectations we create in the minds of the kids. The culture of instant gratification that we see around ourselves these days is what leads to such demands. Kids are always going to find fault at some point of their lives with their parenting. That is something that has happened with every generation. We might love our parents unconditionally but still feel something was not how it should have been. The kids just have to be taught to accept that no one lives under ideal conditions. "We do our best to provide you all that is necessary for you. We try to give you some more but we cannot guarantee. And like we do our best, we expect you to do your best to ensure your own future. We will give you the best education we can afford to. The basic education is our responsibility. Beyond that any personal aspirations like studying abroad must be earned by yourself." As for ancestral property, anyway kids have an equal share, so they can fight or go to court. The parents must write a will to ensure that there is no scope for fighting after they are gone.

 

Totally agree with that Saiabimom. So long as they put in their fullest efforts while also living a fully-rounded life, they should be left to their interests. Today everybody is able to make money. How much one aspires to earn is another matter.

 

Amulet, while I can see that parents are extremely anxious to get their children into the 'right' professions to be able to 'earn' a 'lot' (what is the definition and where does it end and what costs does it entail?) the question is, do all kids have to necessarily go the JEE, medical entrance path? Are there no other professions? Do they not earn enough? Am sure Dhirubhai Ambani did not do either exam. I don't mention his two worthy scions because they did not have to start from scratch. Nor did many others who can proudly say 'mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai ....' How much effort do the parents spend in imparting the necessary social skills and value systems? Is life only about academic achievements and earning pots of money?

 

I agree Syamala. We all need money. It would be stupid to say we don't. The question is how much is enough? What is the basic quality of life of those who earn their millions? They have 2-3 if not a fleet of cars, may or may not have their own helicopters or jets, have special rooms in their homes to accomodate just their wardrobes and footwear ..... They might have the fanciest jobs which brings them a lot of accolades and admiration. But at home? No time for spouse, children, parents. So we talk of 'quality' time. Buy the kids everything they ask or don't ask for. How about the simple pleasures in life?

Today everyone who studies anything, gets a decent qualification - not necessarily medicine or engg - is able to earn enough in life to afford the basic necessities, comforts and a few luxuries thrown in. Of course they must work to even get there, but not at the cost of a complete life. While kids who go into any of these professional lines or study science and slog day and night for years to get to reach their goal, others who do say commerce or arts attend classes, take exams, pursue diverse interests, do an MBA or CA afterwards or even write exams for civil services, earn enough money without going through all the pain the science group go through.

 

Hi Kamala,

It is really ridiculous what ideas people have - anybody who lives abroad has a fleet of BMWs and Benz lined up outside their doorsteps. Thank God they don't expect liveried staff as well .... or who knows?

Precisely the point I am trying to make Kamala. Not pressuring does not mean staying away from their duties of guiding gently or steering. Trying to vicariously live life through one's kids and trying to make them achieve what one could not in one's own lifetime is certainly totally off the mark.