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All This. For What?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, Feb 22, 2019.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    She is a brilliant girl. An achiever. She always tops her class. Her parents are constantly praising her, encouraging her and egging her on to keep up her efforts with promises that her future will be bright. They have her life all planned for her. She is in her final year of graduation. She will get some work experience for 2 years, then do an MBA, then work for 4 years before she thinks of marriage. She is often told to concentrate single-mindedly on her studies and not think of anything else. Everything else can wait.

    The girl works hard. She slogs. She is cited as an example to her younger sister. But she is never happy. She has got a prize job in her campus selection, a position her peers envy, but she is not interested. What does she want to do? She does not know. Just before the exams she runs away from home. All her family and friends are flummoxed. They did not expect this from her and don't know why she has done this. Of course she is eventually found and brought back with the help of the police and the college prinicipal allows her to sit the exam though late.

    Planning. Single-minded concentration on her studies. Postpone life for later. When is that later, given such a tight, well drafted plan? With these targets, that is all she will be doing all her life or that part of life when she could be living and experiencing life, learning from life. I am sure these parents will also decide who is 'a good match' for her and of course, they will know what is best for her. Of course they know her better than she knows herself. They only want the best for her. But just who is to decide what is her idea of 'best'? And then, once she is married, that would be the end of life in a certain sense (especially in our society). So when does she get to live life? When does she get to enjoy? When does she get to be a normal young woman like others her age? When does she live for herself? Is there any guarantee she will not be burnt out by the time she gets there? She is obviously already feeling burnt out enough to run away from home in her quest for some freedom and fresh air.

    Is it not enough for a person to be average, lead a decent, normal life and most importantly LIVE in every sense of the word? When will parents learn?
     
  2. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @satchitananda ,

    This happens!:cool: We are like that only!:eek:

    As a society we are busy pleasing the society that doesn't care for us or help us when we need, we are busy comparing ourselves with the fortunate and suffer, our lives are incomplete if our children don't go to USA and so on.

    We are truely becoming rats in the rat-race. We, as a society, need to identify true values and potentials in every individual of our society and celebrate our uniqueness. In our struggle to match up to somebody's goals, we are dying a slow death.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The irony is that after sending our children abroad so we can boast about it to parents of 'not so brilliant children', we are the first ones to complain later on in life and say to them 'you are so fortunate you have your children here to look after you. Who do we have? Our children are so ungrateful ......'

    As long as we have these strange notions of 'noble' professions, hierarchy, 'respectable' positions, 'lower' posts etc. how can we expect there to be any celebration of our uniqueness. When one profession is 'better' and more important than another, everyone wants to be better than the other. You are right. We have become a society of rats caught up in a maze and as a society, we have long been dead.
     
  4. messedup

    messedup Gold IL'ite

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    I think we need to learn the art of comparison. If I compare myself to anyone in this world then there must be atleast one quality that I will have better than the other. And this is true for every two comparisons. One need to learn to put more focus on that. But now we collect all the goodness in the world and check all that list in one in which the chances of failure is 99 out of 100 that can make our lives miserable.
     
    satchitananda likes this.
  5. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Silver IL'ite

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    Sir,
    If one settles for average, they get to below average. If they settle for above average, they will end up average. There is nothing wrong in parents' coaxing their children, problem arises when the children are compared with other children and either put down or placed up on a throne. Parents should motivate their kids to be active, to live life on their own terms instead of setting a bar for them. If parents instill fear and anxiety in the kids, that is very bad. Unfortunately most parents do that in the name of guidance. It should not be average, below average, that's not how it should be. It should be to strive to your best whatever may be the results. Parents should be able to say that they are for the kids no matter what. Instead they treat them like garbage if they don't achieve their expected targets. That's not how it should be. May be the fear of failure drove her to run away. I had a similar situation, I didn't run away, but I developed so much anxiety that I could not hold the pen properly before exams. My hand would start shaking if I tried to hold a pen. It was all a fear of failure. I will write someday what exactly happened. But it was mainly due to anxiety and fear.
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry for interruption. But It’s madam :blush:
     
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Until those kids don’t blame parents for poverty. Until those kids don’t fight for ancestral property with their siblings
     
  8. Saiabimom

    Saiabimom New IL'ite

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    I feel , a person who can study the course they like , who can chose the career which interests them and move on in life to realise their dreams with a some what supportive life partner is lucky . They need not be a topper but should be a hard worker.
     
    satchitananda likes this.
  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. I like this.
    The ideal situation for a world is where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

    Naturally, I have this one question to the OP: Do you have a bodhi tree in the backyard ? Or.. live downwind from one in the neighbourhood?
    Quote from source
    The basic doctrines of early Buddhism, which remain common to all Buddhism, include the four noble truths : existence is suffering ( dukhka ); suffering has a cause, namely craving and attachment ( trishna ); there is a cessation of suffering, which is nirvana ; and there is a path to the cessation of suffering, the eightfold path of right views, right resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.
    The latter day saints (bodhi-satvas) came along and pointed out that the parents are actually engaged in the inculcating of the 8-fold path in their children. How else is she(the child) going to get through JEE, or the med.school exam ?
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2019
    satchitananda likes this.
  10. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Satchi,
    Two reasons Peer pressure and make the children study which would earn more money. Money is the root cause. Those with more money termed "successful" . Whole system revolves round it. Exceptions may be there. I do not deny.
    I also completely agree that the whole system should change. But how?who would risk thei child living a life with less money!!!!
    I have two nieces. One coaxed by father to study which would get a high paying job and she got it. Everyone blamed the father for coaxing her. Second daughter.... Father left choice to her completely. She joined art appreciation course. By the time she came out of college 20008 financial crisis came and no jobs in that field. Now she blames father for not joining her in medicine or engineering!
    Children are the most stressed ones in the whole scenario.
    Syamala
     

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