All I Have Learned

An interesting one I saw on FB today.

I want to thank Facebook for all the educational posts over the past years. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed and eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I must also send a special thanks for the post about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. I also now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I tag seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I can no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I can't do gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't post this to your wall and tag at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician’s Sister’s Great Uncle!

Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read FB with their hand on the mouse. (Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.)

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY.

 

LOL. Really found some stuff about #7.

 

You mean your grand children fear you might read their posts?????

 

LOL! I know, but the latter event seems to be more probable!

 

Well with a PM from the land where "doodh ki nadiya baahe" .....; with another waiting in the wings with promises of giving everyone Rs. 6000/- per month for nothing except their vote, maybe that day might not be far away!!!

​