Aggressive Sil

After reading this I was reminded of this saying

 

If anyone thinks that there will be an end to how you get treated by IL’s should read this post

A Vent (random Thoughts Mostly)

 

I think it is better to be silent or ignore when someone in ILS family directly/ indirectly demand more or showing disrespect to the valuables we provide to them. They may think it is we who are not willing to give them more when their brother /son is ready to give them. So it is better to handle it tactfully than talking them directly as they are ILS as this can escalate many issues later. ( If I were in your place, I would have ignored her, but next time I will make sure there is no expensive gifts . I dont have to encourage anyone who dont appreciate what we give or yield to their demands. The more they demand, less they get).

But now you dont have much choice, because any reduction in number of gifts will be blamed on you because of this incident. So slowly reduce what we give.

I can understand how much you might have felt bad after spending so much time and money for buying gifts. It is better not to spoil any relation by expensive gifts. The more we give, they expect more. Next time limit gifts to minimum stuffs (like dress), but make sure you give something to kids. But you and dh should agree on it. If he dont agree, what you will do.

Next time try to behave as if nothing happened (learn acting ). That will save you from more troubles. Let your husband hand over gift to ILS or handle it. Time heals the issues, I hope

 

How we perceive ourselves is often very diff from how others perceive us. I am sure ur SIL might say the exact same thing about ur issues.

softly? hmm...

Uncalled for and a lot of unpleasant things seem have been said on both sides. Hopefully time will set things right.

 

Your SIL was complaining about her DH and his mom, what you said included her in that group. If you only followed her lead, she probably would have been embarrassed and become apologetic... also, you will gain some sympathy from your MIL and she might defend you in the future in regards to similar situation.

Instead of saying "tell me clearly, what do you and your DH expect from us?", you could have said something like "Really... why are they being like that? Mom and your brother knows how excited I was buying those gifts. I must have spent nearly a week or two, going from one place to another just to get those things."... *sigh*

 

Op, First of all you shudnt have said its not your SIL's house. That was a bad call. That being said, your SIL was waiting to create trouble for you and she did. You did the right thing by asking her openly what she expected from you? SIL's usually cry how they are mess to gain sympathy and get brownie points in terms of money, property gifts. You name it they get it.

This incident is the push you needed and next time, don't bend backwards to get SIL and kids with special consideration. Tell your husband you didn't need such outburst from SIL and wont encourage such behavior further.

I get basically all stuff from sales for IL's and SIL(same for me and my family) but nothing special for SIL.My SIL is lousy and got me the drabbiest saree for my engagement deliberately. She didn't buy anything for my son although atte. I just talk to her barely and never let her take advantage.

You can draw boundaries and tell your husband how long will SIL milk the so called unfortunate circumstances she is in.When my MIL told me the same I kept quiet and told my husband , how can SIL be poor. she rents a house above her own house, gets money from her SIL in US. But yes , she is poor. That set it right. Good Luck.

 

This is like saying to a charging tiger why don’t you eat all the plants around you insted of eating me.

 

Mistake is from both the sides...now u spoiled ur relationship ..if u kept calm everyone will support u automatically but u have taken a bad call..ok leave it it will take time to patch up this reLationship,from now onwards ask ur husbAnd to Handel his sister.u just keep a distance..it will bring peace of mind for u ....

 

Bleh, wrong analogy

 

If someone wants to maintain good relationship, then both have to put effort clearly the SIL feels she is entitled