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Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poorwife, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. poorwife

    poorwife New IL'ite

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    guys i am back again, i need some help. I had a fight with my hubby on small matter and it has now reached divorce. the prblem is my parents and my sis and her husband they all blame me and shout at me and nobody wants to listen to me. my husband and his family are playing politics.I really donot want to be with him anymore. I am postgraduate doctor and has got good job in Uk . after divorce i am not planning to go back to my parents , i can look after myself.

    I feel so helpless that on one side ILS playing politics and my family behaves rudley with me.I want to die , i really donot know what to do?please help
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    I do not want to address you as "poorwife". First of all realize a few things. One is that you are speaking from an empowered situation - you are very well qualified, you have a job, you are financially independent. So there is nothing stopping you from walking out on a bad marriage. Secondly you are living in a country where life is not as difficult for a single woman as it might be in India, socially speaking.

    Two - it is unfortunate that your family is blaming you. Have you done a serious introspection to make sure that you are really not going wrong somewhere? (I am not saying the fault is yours, but very often all of us tend to see problems only from our own perspective without looking at the other side. So this is just a thought). ILs troubling you is not an uncommon situation. So let that go.

    It is your family not standing by you that is making me think. If you are absolutely sure that you are perfectly right in your standpoint, just keep your distance for some time. You need not go and stay with them. Best you stay on your own and retain your independence. Hopefully in the course of time, they might come round.

    Don't let your H or ILs take advantage of you or to abuse you in any way. There is absolutely no reason for you to take any nonsense from them. So hang in there and do not entertain negative thoughts like not wanting to live and so on.

    All the best.
     
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  3. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP

    Please please do not think negative at all. I can imagine how miserable you might be feeling, but please respect what god has given you. God has given us precious life and your have great career in your hand. Please don't take any more abuse from in laws or husband. Move out from dh place and live with some female room partners or bed & breakfast style homes. I used to live in uk alone so I know how much secured is in uk even for single females. You are fortunate to be in uk and not in india. Divorce is not end of life and marriage is not everything. This will be beautiful beginning of new fresh life. Right now take control of your life and take some therapy to gain confidence. I will keep you in my prayers. We all are here to support and guide you.
     
  4. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't even think of the word die.
    If people around you are not supportive than why should you die. You have to take care of yourself and get the support from other sources - lawyer, woman empowerment organization, friends, counselor to help emotionally. God has given you the strength and support already. You need to put it in action.
    This reminds me of a Kannada saying " kuri hallaeke biddhaga algondhu kalu"
    Means "when sheep falls into the ditch every person will have a stone to throw at it"
    So the same people will coming running back to fight over the sheep when it gets out of the ditch.
    So dear, find your inner strength and move on. All the best.
     
  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    I just read your other post.
    You have been through a lot and done a lot for your crazy h.
    Are you going to a psychiatrist like you mentioned. If not please make an appointment ASAP.
    You are in the medical field. You know how important it is to get help. What would you advice a patient if she was in your position. And put it into action.
    I am glad you are out of this lunatic family. Forget your family for now too and take care of yourself.
     
  6. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    Dnt go back yet .. Move out n stay by your self in uk , it will also give space n time fr you both to think abt your future ..
     
  7. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    why think of dying , when you have the confident of taking care of yourself?

    There's much more in life than marriage and relationship... if you have a failed marriage that does not mean you are at the end of the road and have no where to go.. i have seen ladies with less educational back ground have come out of their bad marriage life to live independently and confidently ,, I wonder why you are losing hope with a strong educational back ground and job...

    Come out of your marriage at least for time being and enjoy the joy of living independently..
     

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