Hello everyone, I’ve been reading through tons of threads in the past few weeks to find some solace and just some advice which I need so badly before I go crazy out here. Firstly, I’m shocked at how many woman have been in similar situations but have daringly stepped away from their problems. I’ve been married for 3.5 years with someone I knew for 6 hours before marriage. As like every woman, I stepped into marriage life with lots of dreams. There came the Erectile dysfunctional problem from my Husband. Tried viagara but to no avail. It became downhill from there. Till date, we have not successfully consummated our marriage. My Husband became very withdrawn because of this. We would all be happy and talk to one another but when he avoided this like the plague. He would tell me every weekend that we can try at night but would just watch a movie till midnight and go to sleep without telling me anything. Made Doctors appointment but would intentionally miss the appointments. Would not be truthful to me about it. I found out last year that he was following 500 scantily dressed Instagram models. I was devastated. He didn’t like to show any pda in public, just kisses me, but doesn’t get turned on by me at all. This was the root cause of every issue we had. Every small thing that happened and I wasn’t happy about, I would talk about how his issue was hurting my life and that he destroyed my hopes and wishes. Kept reminding him of his weakness. Doctor advised to lose some weight but he gained so much in the few years. I was so so so angry at what he did with my life. I was angry when he watched tv and ignore my feelings. I was angry that he didn’t exercise. I was angry that he didn’t want to improve himself. I was angry at everything. I became so violent with him. He did at me a few times too when I was going crazy. I kept thinking in my head that he deserved to suffer cause he made me suffer. I had no emotional support at all as he barely wanted to talk about this or us or our future. During this time my Sister got married after me and got pregnant immediately and had a kid. You can imagine how much this broke me. Each time I saw her pregnant, I knew it should have been me. My mum is a single parent and did everything for us after she got divorced in her 40s. My mum spend all her time and attention on my Sister and her baby. I know it sounds so childish but I was so hurt. I felt completely alone. My Husband didn’t understand why I was so upset. I cried every single night before sleeping and my husband would just sleep thinking I’m making an issue and crying all the time. I avoided him. Stayed at work till 11pm and then went home. Went out all alone each day after work and only went back after 11pm so I did not have to see his face. Slept in separate rooms for a few weeks. Didn’t talk to anyone. I kept telling him I wanted a divorce and told him to tell his parents about his problem. Like every Indian parent of a guy, his dad said it’s not a big deal and mum completely ignored the issue. That woman did not even once talk to me about it, up till today. She and her daughters gave me so much of problem before that and this was the last straw for me to totally disrespect her. He knew I was doing myself harm by behaving this way. So he went to tell my mum about his problem. My mum didn’t want to talk to me about it directly and instead asked my close aunt to talk to me. I poured everything out from my heart, in that one night. Only when i spoke it all out, did I realise how much I was keeping inside me. Then I packed my things and went to my mum house for 2 weeks and she finally spoke to me about it. Telling me it’s not a big issue and a lot of men in their 40s will have this issue. Btw, I’m 31 and hubby is 36 now. She compared it to walking out on a Husband who suddenly has cancer or some terminal illness. Said that this is just an illness and I have to deal with it and encouraged me to give it another chance. As someone in another thread mentioned, the pain of being in a sexless marriage in your prime really cannot be understood by anyone other than people going through this. I gave another chance. He did make a lot of changes to be like how I expected. I controlled my temper too. We have our good days and bad days where I go into my dark hole again. But the sex has never happened. He doesn’t run away from it anymore but all the medicines are not helping. I feel like it’s not a psychological problem now. He can’t get aroused at all. It’s just so disappointing when we try and each time I just end up crying. We’ve only tried less than 10 times in this 3.5 years. I keep asking him if his gay, asexual or had some bad sexual assaults before which he keeps denying. If he is not keen to help himself, there is nothing I can do. My Sister is pregnant again and I’m going through all the pain again. I was crying so badly when I found out and my mum said I’m exaggerating, it’s better to live without kids and I should be Glad that my Husband has a problem and not me. She said no one will blame me but everyone will pity me. It’s not that I even need that! She don’t understand my pain having to hold my Sisters kids in my hands and hoping it would have been mine. She just undermines the whole situation and my pain! She announced her pregnancy and knew I’ve waiting for a child but never even sent me a comforting text but wanted everyone to be happy for her. My mum said she will have to tell my Sister about my hubby problem if I expect her to console me. It was her words that’s pierced me more than my situation. Due to my SIL language being used on me, my mum once went to talk to my IL and told them that I won’t go to a place here I am no longer respected. My Husband Also has stopped talking to his sisters completely. Now whenever I want to step out of this, I feel so guilty that he lost everyone because of me. I feel like our long term goals are also not in sync. Recently I also saw him texting his best friends Wife daily. There was nothing wrong in the content but he kept asking things like how are the kids? Have you eaten? What are your plans? Every single day. I told him to stop it and he said he will but he didn’t. He said he did nothing wrong so didn’t stop immediately. Only stopped when I found out the 2nd time that he was continuing. I’m really torn and broken now. Recently when the medicine didn’t work again, I felt so heartbroken and feel like giving up. I appreciate that he is seeing the doctor now but all the past incidents is just throwing me away. I wish I walked out a year ago when he was not doing anything about it. I feel like he should be taking this more seriously. All his promises to me about taking control of his weight and health have just been broken countless times over the years. I wish I never ever got married. And I really need some sexual intimacy in my life. Sometimes I even dream that I have sex with others cause I feel so deprived! As much as I don’t think it’s right for a men to leave a women when she can’t get pregnant, I know it’s not right to leave a partner for not being able to make me pregnant. But this?!!!! Why can’t he see this as a priority and put in effort. I feel so alone and miserable in this journey, full of pain. I’m reading about so many woman in similar situations and it’s so so so sad. So many have stepped out within a few months. I should have done that too instead of worrying what the entire world will say, tying to protect my husband reputation but only to end up in pain and heartbroken. I would please appreciate some feedback and advice. Should I walk out now? Be there for further medical treatment? Or just wait and wait???? Has anyone had any positive outcome from similar situations?