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Advice To Handle A Workaholic Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by AngelNew, Jan 14, 2017.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Some guys treat wives parents as some far relatives but expect their wives to treat their parents with respect . It’s really bad but hope guys understand to gals emotions better, Tat day world will definitely change !
    But I think we shouldn’t forget our responsibilities towards our parents after marriage. It’s our right to take care of the parents and no guy can stop it
     
  2. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    While I like your advice that she should keep busy---eventually she will have to face her marriage. She can't always run away. What happens once our parents are no more? Our marriage is there waiting for us. I'm going through this right now.
     
  3. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    In early years of my marriage if my h used to call and say I will be late I used to become sad sometimes cried and became angry too but now if he say so I feel yippie more time to enjoy. I have my life with kids whatever it is am liking it and do not want to be with him all the time. Get little sad if it go for a month but then feel its OK let it be. "Adjust" is the only solution.
     
  4. redorange

    redorange Senior IL'ite

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    Can you analyze his background? How do his parents, siblings behave. If they are cold and indifferent to their wives then this is something that he picked up from them. Then you should not take it personally. He is programmed this way. Anyways, have you told him how his behavior makes you feel?
     
  5. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    I've been "adjusting" for 6 years now it's a temporary fix ....when the kids are gone and married what will wives have left? Their marriage. The marriage comes first, children copy their parents--and they need a good example so that they can have healthy marriages. Issues in marriage put off for years and years by then how can they be repaired without much difficulty? As years go by DH gets more settled in his ways....it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks goes the saying (well it actually says you cannot teach--but I'm clinging to hope here) I'm going through the difficulty still but acting like things didn't bother me was NEVER a permanent option. Changes began in 2016 because I fought for them for years--we were married in 2012. When you don't say anything or take ACTION---NOTHING changes. Men are comfortable that way. It's a shame but communication is usually initiated by the wife. I just don't want to be like my grandmother, her children were her life when her marriage was tough. My Grandfather made efforts with my Grandmother when my mother and her brothers was small but as he grew older....men tend to forget why they married and get so involved with work that a wife feels forgotten. I no longer cry anymore when DH comes home late, I have given myself over to my hobbies. I'm slowly changing, and I feel I am becoming a soft person less and less---DH wants me to return as I was but without MAJOR changes from him to let me know he takes our marriage seriously, my altering WILL continue bit by bit....I never know what my limit will be, until I reach it. I'm growing weary of having to be understanding because HE is under much work pressure---when do husbands place themselves in their wives position? Empathy is only from wife to husband? That's not fair. It should go both ways. Make sure you work on your marriage since your children are still young--it's easy to get lost in your children--but in the end the state of our marriage will reflect the effort placed into it by the time we reach the later years. I don't wish to be the mother constantly meddling in my children's lives the way my mother-in-law does because my father in law doesn't communicate. If they communicated and spend time alone together often she'd be more obsessed with her husband than her children who are nearing 40 and 40+. Instead she depends on my husband for emotional support....OFTEN. Sometimes is fine---but when you can't talk to DH about ANYTHING---that's not happiness.
     
  6. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    I too got married in 2012 and having very similar kind of feeling. I cannot even indulge in some hobby. There are many times when I even forget to comb my hair for so many days. Internally I too want to live but being a homemaker and husband's work pressure and financial pressure ask for my adjustment and I am doing this. I may be wrong but I can't see any other option at present. My kids need me all the time and I cannot avoid my duties for them. My h is busy every time I cant cry daily to give me some time. Everything is just going without any disturbance as I am adjusting to all the things. My little argument or expectations disturb our life. It happens many times still learned to avoid it a lot.
     
  7. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    I understand, I am not advising you to avoid your responsiblities to your children---but your marriage is also worth fighting for is my message. I take comfort in my hobbies, so that things are less tense in marriage and it has helped a lot, but the problems are still there. Just be aware you can't avoid issues forever---eventually they all come out and it doesn't have to be ugly if you take care of matters little by little so that DH doesn't feel overwhelmed. Change is SLOW with an Indian man...SMH The contradiction is when they want something done, it must be done within a time frame but when the wife needs something done---he takes his sweet time...avoiding doesn't solve. It just delays making matters worse when they are finally dealt with---years later. In my case it was 4.5 years later and it was ugly. All because DH kept avoiding the truth of how his family made our marriage miserable for those years and continue to do so but now DH is feeling it more than me--- especially now since they see I am serious about NOT changing back to the way I was with them. My SIL thought she could convince me--indirectly of course lol. They think "I'll leave some gap and after some time it will be back to normal" NO I couldn't let them get away with this for another few years! They don't like that I left the group on WhatsApp and stopped talking with my in-laws. When I reached my limit there was nothing DH could do to stop me. But guess what there is a peace between us now that didn't exist in 4.5 years...it was worth the hell of fighting for my marriage. When people make you miserable why must you suffer in silence permanently? The root of the misery should know the affect it has had on our marriage.
     
  8. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Nice to hear you fought for your self. I had done that and sorted out many things. It was a hell when I came here. Now many things are in my favour. But I can't go for any hobby at present. Can't go out can't live freely. Have so many limitations that I accepted to live peacefully. I know no one can understand what I want and the time will come when I will be able to live my life too. Just waiting for my kids to become little mature I will change many things. But at present living peaceful life is my priority.


     
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  9. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    When you don't feel your best it can affect your normal day to day things. I want you to be ready. Your physical health has a way of letting you know when you are overworked. Don't wait to get sick, listen to your body. Your H works 7 days a week, there must be one day or time frame within a day at least 3x a week where he can spend with his children. It can't just be ALL you with your kids ALL the time for EVERYTHING. That creates dependent individuals. My SIL is nearly 40 and she is still depending on her parents who always came to her rescue and never let her do anything for herself--- and now she's married to a leech with a tornado for a daughter (who she can't control and her daughter is fat fat fat) who only respects my MIL. My BIL lets my SIL do everything---its the man's children too. They are not just yours. I am assuming your children are not teenagers yet? If they are 13 they can serve themselves to eat. My mother would cook and after school we would serve ourselves. My mother never would baby us once we are in our teens. She made us wash the dishes too lol. Do this for lunch or dinner. Breakfast I understand that you want to make sure they eat before going to school.
     
  10. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    They are 4 and 2 year old. Can't do anything.
     

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