Advice need - How to make my MIL understand my view

Hello Indian guy...

What you said is very true.. they will find fault in everything we do...:rotfl. And when it comes to appreciation... My manager will score more than her.... and in case... by chance.... she appreciates.:coffee.. she will either say.. even I used to do it now I am old so I dont do or my daughter used to do it tooo but you see she is married and she has so many other things ..
Sadly ( though now I feel luckily) I dont have brothers else I am sure even my mom would have done same thing as my MIL..... I feel its more of our female nature.. with minor changes in Every generation.... I read this thread about what you would change in your MIL and sadly.. I too somewhere feel wish she was non-existent.. however when I think she is my DH's Dear mom I feel ok let her exist...One thing I feel bad ( the female nature of me ) is that she never had in laws at all and my FIL moved out as soon as they got married as he was a smart man.. I Really really wish I could also do that but I know they have none other than my hubby so I dont want to move out.. moreover I feel ok even if we move out.. Life would be so boring as every morning we need to just see each others face.. ( I get bored easily)... Life is not easy.. Married life not at all easy... Its not all that rosy as it looks from outside.. Every where in life its a struggle.. Now that I am at this stage I wonder how my parents, uncles and aunts pulled through so many years.. phew.. My Journey has just begun..

Regards,
Roopa

 

Dear Just another girl..

Its not always true that DILs should be dissatisfied with MIL.. In fact I appreciate so many of her things.. I appreciate her memory... I appreciate her attention to details which even I lack being in corporate world.. I openly praise her.. she will gladly take it.. but when it comes to praising me she will think think and think..

You know what I personally feel... girls these days have become more independent yes, but along with that they have become more sensible and know that some things can be ignored.. afterall we are not being ill treated by our MILS or SILS like many of our elders.. so we can tolerate this stuff..

Regards,
roopa

 

Hmm..lets see

How kind of u to let ur MIL exist..

May be you should go back and read both ur posts.The inconsistencies are glaring...remember the knife of generalizations cuts both ways.

 

Silvertulip,

It's only a year since you got married.. It is going to take a while to understand each other. Ur mom-in-law is simialr to mine. According to mom-in-law, she is the best dressed person in the entire family. (To a certain extent she is). She would say that people expect her to come like that as only then the gathering is enhanced!! In front of her, they would all admire her saree or her jewellery.. but to her back, they would tease her for wearing whatever she wore that day.. It would hurt when I happen to hear it. She would ask me to dress up in the same way too..esp when we visit the extended family. I gave in, intially.. then slowly moved away from all that. If I listened to her for one occasion, I would do what I wanted the next time.. Try to work out a middle ground. As for her complaints that you dont take her suggestions, ask her and try to implement at least one. That could make them happy. Definition of beauty differs, and maybe you can tell her that your husband likes you to be simple.. but that depends on whether your husband will back you... mine would, so I can get away with this statement

Saying all that, I live in a different country, and I can get away with most of this, but if you live together, it can be difficult.. But dont let this spoil ur relationship with her. Good luck!!

Mythili

 

Hi JAG,

Certainly what you said above also is a frequent possibility. I did not talk about the Converse because, the thread starter herself is a DIL.

Had it been a MIL, starting the thread, I would have told exactly what you said above. It is true both ways..............though there can be very many exceptions. I can quote one hundred exceptions wherein the MIL really loves her DIL as a real daughter and the DIL loves her MIL as real mother. I have certainly come across such cases. But, they are exceptions , rather than rule.

The rule is...........I repeat, the chemistry between DIL and MIL is hate. I am justified in making this generalisation, though there can be many exceptions as I told in the previous para.

Stay in touch. Bye.

 

If it makes you feel any better.. my MIL bought me 2 hosiery material night dresses with some lace. Why? because i was wearing tracks and t-shirts during the day(just after wedding).I guess she thought thats what her poor DS gets to see me in in the the night as well. She would have fainted if she had seen the actual ones anyways, each MIL is different and they do really strange things which offends DILs and embarassed DH.

 

lol...... many of us face the "same" problem. I never can actually appreciate someone interfering with how I go about my life....yeah my mil is a REALLY A VERY GOOD PERSON, but she decides on nitty gritty things and its final lol.

Sometimes i give up, sometimes i dont. its give and take either way.

Let me tell u two simple way to tackle this.

1. sometimes, in some issues YOU GIVE UP, and smile and say "If it pleases u, i shall do it, seeing u happy makes me happy (remember , be genuine and REMEMBER....SMILE

2. sometimes, when u WANT IT UR WAY, smile (smiling is very important and should be genuine too) and say
ur view or opinion and do it ur way.

3. if she gets upset or is angry, GO STRAIGHT AWAY and HUG HER warmly , but later remember to do it ur way (again smile)