Advice From Elder Sisters

I wish I had an elder sister who would have advised me on relationships with inlaws and husband before my wedding. For eg I wish someone had told me to stay quiet and not say everything bad about inlaws on husbands face all of a sudden . Instead manipulate your words and tell him in a tone that you like them but thats how they behave with you and you get hurt....

I learnt not to say anything after 10 years...i realized that my husband is not my best friend to listen about his mom or sister and will always try to take their side if I say something about them....

today where I stand is : I say nothing to him, i'm trying to gather courage to be able to reply back to my mil directly and tell my husband some of the things in a humorous way ....

BUT I'M NOT HAPPY inside...

my mil still hurts me a lot, my husband is going crazy for his mom and dad as they are getting old...he feels more for them, he wants to do a lot more for them now than what it used to be before...as they are getting old, small little things bothers him like a fever....I go mad inside ....

also his mom has trained him a lot in these years for my sil...she has taught him how to be a good brother and always keep doing for his sister...he is always in some kind of guilt for not doing enough for his sister and always thinking of giving her money or pleasing her in some way...i really get very angry ...but i stay quiet for the peace in my house...if i say a small thing, he is always ready with a sword to fight me and my thoughts for his sister and mother...

I'm wondering for those who have been through this phase of life...does this get better? any advice for me ? what shall i do ?

i'm looking for something like : if someone had told me 10 years ago to be quiet and ot say everything to the husband directly on his face ..if I had someone to tell me that 10 years back, my husband would had a better understanding with me today ....

 

thank you so much my indusladies sisters here....

My husband is always pittying his sister , even more than his mom...his mom was a catalyst and now he has just assumed that its his some kind of duty....ofcourse with years her status is changing and they are growing and doing much better but that is the case for all.....where he was 5 years back and where he is today is different ...he just fails to understand that or may be try to ignore it...

but i get angry that he wnt get me a gift for karwachauth while he will never forget any small occasion for his sister...and when she visits omg, its a big burden of me..beacause besides just taking them around, he wants to give him big time cash....he says things or does things for his family that I cant even imagine in dreams....like we have never take a eupore vacation, but he has this crazy idea of taking his parents for such a vacation ....i'm like OMG i dnt even know what to say...

if I say no to everything, its a problem...actually even one no makes him feel that i stop him...

but i have leanrt to bargain and speak up for big things...for small things ( 200- 1000 dollars which is not small though) , i just keep quiet....quiet for the sake of the family , but it does hurt me and i get so angry from inside and i feel that I'm killing myself by being angry all the time or by being sad all the time....

also, the strange problem is that he takes their side all the time..he tries to put their good face in front of me...he tries to tell me how his sister called him when he was sick...well i and our kid were sick the week after and no one called me ...hello ...cant you see what they do..they just try to impress him beacuse they know, he is emotional and will do things like a crazy man for them...but they do not bother if i get sick or our kid is sick...i just wonder how come it doesnt hurt him....