Adoption

iyerviji · May 19, 2017

All are not lucky to become a mother . So in present age adoption has become common. Those who are mothers and have got children fast wont understand the feelings of a person who has not had the opportunity to be a mother.

Some people dont give the importance to an adopted child. They think that child is not from our family and born to some other lady. A child is a child whether born to the same person or adopted by someone who has no child. Recently in a marriage since the boy did not have a sister someone else had to tie the third knot to his bride. His father's brother had adopted a daughter but his mother did not allow the brother's daughter to tie the knot to the bride. She made her brother 's daughter to tie the knot. The bridegroom's grandmother and his father's brother felt so bad. The bridegroom's mother always says the adopted child is not of our family and never loves her. Since she has a child of her own she does not understand the value . But the adopted child's mother did not feel bad and took it positively. But she was saying without knowing what the future holds for his son she treated the adopted child like that . The bridegroom is recently married and heshould have a child of his own,without thinking about it she has done like that.

Though the brother in law has adopted the child has the same qualities of her mother and noone can feel that she is adopted. The child is very intelligent also and takes part in everything , has good grasping power . May God bless her

“What we, and others, often fail to realise is the depth and reach of our loss: that not only will we never have children, but we will never create our own family. We will never watch them grow up, never throw children's birthday parties, never take that 'first day at school' photo, never teach them to ride a bike. We'll never see them graduate, never see them possibly get married and have their own children. We'll never get a chance to heal the wounds of our own childhood by doing things differently with our children. We'll never be grandmothers and never give the gift of grandchildren to our parents. We'll never be the mother of our partner's children and hold that precious place in their heart. We'll never stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our siblings and watch our children play together. We'll never be part of the community of mothers, never be considered a 'real' woman. And when we die, there is no one to leave our stuff to, and no one to take our lifetime's learnings into the next generation.

If you take the time to think about it all in one go, which is more than most of us are ever likely to do because of the breathtaking amount of pain involved, it's a testament to our strength that we're still standing at all.”
― Jody Day, Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children

Kamla · May 19, 2017

Dear Vijima,

Sad that adoption is still not accepted in our country. Recently, few popular movie stars from our country have all opted to have surrogate children. Many do not want to marry but still opt for surrogacy? Why not adopt a child instead? There are so many little ones looking out for a nurturing parent and home.... Really sad.

Very true that an adopted child inherits the mannerisms of the parent! I have mentioned it before about my German friend adopting a girl baby from Mother Teresa's and she grew up to look and behave like her mom, in spite if the marked racial differences!!

It is only the bonding love that matters!

L, Kamla

sindmani · May 19, 2017

Mami, great thoughts. Mother hood is great. Hope all women get it.

satchitananda · May 19, 2017

Dear Vijima,

I would like to ask the bridegroom's mother whether she cuts her own veins and those of her son and husband to check out 'blood' relationship every day. It is ignorance that prevents people from accepting adopted children. All I can say is God bless them with some good sense.

On the other hand it is very heartening to see many people adopting children, sometimes even twins because they don't want to separate them. So there is still some hope.

iyerviji · May 19, 2017

Kamla said: ↑

Dear Vijima,

Sad that adoption is still not accepted in our country. Recently, few popular movie stars from our country have all opted to have surrogate children. Many do not want to marry but still opt for surrogacy? Why not adopt a child instead? There are so many little ones looking out for a nurturing parent and home.... Really sad.

Very true that an adopted child inherits the mannerisms of the parent! I have mentioned it before about my German friend adopting a girl baby from Mother Teresa's and she grew up to look and behave like her mom, in spite if the marked racial differences!!

It is only the bonding love that matters!

L, Kamla
Click to expand...

Kamla dear glad to receive your first fb. True that the bonding love matters . Since the child is near to me I felt very bad seeing the treatment by the bridegroom's mother. As you said even single ladies prefer to adopt and give life to the child. The adopted child is lucky to have parents who love and care for them

iyerviji · May 19, 2017

sindmani said: ↑

Mami, great thoughts. Mother hood is great. Hope all women get it.
Click to expand...

Thanks dear

iyerviji · May 19, 2017

satchitananda said: ↑

Dear Vijima,

I would like to ask the bridegroom's mother whether she cuts her own veins and those of her son and husband to check out 'blood' relationship every day. It is ignorance that prevents people from accepting adopted children. All I can say is God bless them with some good sense.

On the other hand it is very heartening to see many people adopting children, sometimes even twins because they don't want to separate them. So there is still some hope.
Click to expand...

Very true Satchi . Glad that mydaughters have adopted a girl child and now they have become part of our family.My elder daughter has already told her that she is adopted and that since her mother is no more and its difficult for her father to look after her due to his financial position he has given to them. She took it in the right sense as my daughter and sil look after her very nicely and she gets what she wants

wish4miracle · May 19, 2017

Hi ma,
I second your thoughts. I am not lucky yet to become a mother. Struggling in a society wherein this issue is seen as one's physical disability rather than seeing motherhood as emotional thing.
Adoption is a boon for people like me. Though I have not adopted yet, we r planning to do so in future(positively). Adoption would actually give a meaningful life to me. Adoption is mutual. Not only adults adopts a kid as their child, it's important to realise that the kid adopts the adults as his/her parents. Adopted kids are way more smarter to understand the situation and get on with life. We need to respect them and their families.
Few people who do not understand the sense behind adoption will eventually find its meaning one day. Hopefully.

Viswamitra · May 19, 2017

Dear Vijiakka,

Like the saying goes, "When people are sensible, they stand on their own legs and when they are not sensible, we pray for them". That is what I would like to do for the heartless woman why prevented an adopted cousin to tie the knot for her cousin's wedding. It is the height of ignorance. How does it matter whether a child is biological or adopted? A mother is a mother whether she raises a child of her own or someone's child.

Every child deserves to be loved. I have seen many adopting a child even though they have a child of their own. Many think it requires a big heart to adopt a child. All one needs is a desire to enjoy raising and shaping the life of a child. The adopted child brings a great pleasure to childless couple. It should be done with an attitude to experience parenthood happiness rather than expecting a gratitude from the society.

Viswa

jayasala42 · May 19, 2017

Dear Viji,
Good thoughts on Adoption.More than our shaping the child's life, it is the parents who are more lucky because the child gives full meaning to the life of adopted parents.Recently I saw a statistics,There are one crore orphans in India and one crore couples who are not blessed with their own children.If each couples adopt a child, there will be no orphans in India.

In India Adoption is not totally recognized and welcome as yet.Even after the child comes home, if the child is naughty or showing tantrums, immediately the MIL remarks about the blood and lineage and passes sarcastic comments in front of the child.The parents as well as the adopted children get hurt.
In foreign countries, many beget children and also adopt another child and bring up the two kids with equal care.

Now CARA ( Centre for Adoption Resource Agencies)is stated to have computerised the procedure and you have to apply on line.The procedure for local adoption is comparatively simple.But NRIs find it cumbersome. They can adopt a child which has been rejected by three Indian parents.Naturally the child that is left to their choice is a physically or mentally challenged child.The girl would like to be a mother of a child of lesser complexion and not a totally challenged child which she may not be able to bring up.Small biological problems can be tackled.But greater problems which require constant medical attention cannot be handled by parents.It is better if CARA relaxes those regulations.
This is a complex situation in CARA. Recently my friend's daughter from UK adopted a child with cardiac problem.The child lived for 2 years only irrespective of the best care.Now they hesitate to go for second adoption.
Another rule is just confusing.One can give birth to two daughters or two sons and both have legal entitlement.
But if you adopt a girl and want to make second adoption, the baby should be a boy only.If you adopt a girl ,the second time, the second child will not be your legal heir.You can be only a guardian and after 18 she is not entitled to your property unless the parents willingly settle some property to the child.In such cases the sibling rivalry will be too much.The first child ,though adopted, would deny the benefits to the second child.But if you adopt twins-both boys or girls, this rule does not apply.
Before going for adoption, approach a reliable NGO, understand the instructions thoroughly , and if a feasible child is in the offing, accept the baby.Don't reject the child because of looks and complexion.Each baby is wonderful.
People interested in adoption, take the decision in early thirties.The procedure itself sometimes takes nearly 18 months.
All these talks and gossips will be there for a few months until some other matter catches their attention.
The baby is yours and you are the parents.Proceed and enjoy parenthood early.

jayasala 42