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Adjustment/compromises in a marriage

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SGBV, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What kind of adjustments/compromises that you and your spouse are making to build your happy marriage life?

    Since the secret of a happy marriage remains secret, I try my best to find that out here.

    Let's discuss :)
     
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  2. neetugtb

    neetugtb Silver IL'ite

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    Well, sorry for this silly query dear but please explain what do we mean here by happy marriage. Happy/no happy but comfortable and convenient from DH point of view or happily married for public? How many modern women in for the so called happy marriage? Are these compromises or sacrificing your own self without any body batting an eyelash.
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Being happy to be married to the person whom you love is called happy marriage. Yes, being happy with your love equates your comfortable, convenient and everything that could make someone happy.

    It does not mean staying happy all the time in a marriage, but being happy to be married.

    Why do you say it is a silly query? And why are you bashing the modern women here? Is that anyway relevant, my dear?
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    After long unhappy patches for the initial few years we are having a good 6+ Years and counting. Touchwood!

    My rules

    1. You aren't responsible for what your spouse says or does => let him/ her be without trying to control what they eat, what they talk, who they are friends with etc. accept that the spouse is an individual first of all, with their own brains. They can decide whatever as they see fit. (Applied more to my DH because he was to be too controlling initially. Once he realised this, we have been happier)

    2. Your spouse isn't responsible for what his/ her parents do. Yet, even if the parents are grossly wrong, they are his/ her parents. Communicate by all means about the injustice but do it in a gentle/ diplomatic manner. Complaining and expecting the other to be knight in shining armours results in one being let down horribly. (Applied to me. I started being confident, polite and firm in my dealings and no one has been able to cross me since. DH is way too pleased with the way I deal wih differences)

    3. Be one step extra courteous with your spouse than you would be with strangers. Say please and thank you, compliment on a job well done, make eye contact and plaster a huge smile on your face when you see them. Helps to not take the other for granted. This doesn't mean bend over backwards though. There is a balance.

    4. Show affection through out the day and in public. No need to be over the top. A quick hug on the way to the bathroom, a gentle pat on the small of the back, squeezing the others hand quickly during a show, a sweet-nothing just because call break up his/ her day goes a long way, IMO.

    Im sure I can come up with more but I'm getting late for an appointment. Catch you all later! And thanks sgbv dear for starting this thread. Good to remnd myself as I'm slipping here and there.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for your tips for a happy marriage. Specially I liked your point 2. Following the same, and indeed it gives a positive change in mine too.

    However, please come back soon with your response about the compromises part too. Love to hear real life success stories like yours.
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Major adjustment my husband has done is.....get used to my messy chaotic ways. Initially he would get really frustrated but over the years he has realized that there is some kind of method to my madness.If he can't find it ...he just has to ask and give me some time to hunt for it .

    The major adjustment I have done is learn to ignore his constant criticism......or critique.I have realized it is just not me...MR. perfectionist is not happy with anyone....not even his own work.

    I don't consider it an adjustment...just a change in life style.I have always been a vegetarian.Not for reason of faith though .I learnt to cook non veg first for hubby and then for my daughters.I didn't like cooking red meat but my daughters developed a taste for pork.Initially I didn't cook at home but soon realized it is not safe to eat it outside. Now I cook it at home for them.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Ya.. our lives change completely after marriage. But positively for other's happiness. Good to know that you were accommodating your husband's and kid's preferences despite being an vegetarian. Thanks for contributing.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I quite enjoy it now because they say I cook non veg better than the veg stuff I make usually.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Even I have been raised as a non-veg eater. We usually eat beef on Sundays, and chicken, sea food every now and then. Fish on a daily basis for lunch, and eggs too.
    We hardly go for a veg lunch. As far as I remember we do that only on Good Friday, that too with a heavy heart :(

    But after marriage, I completely stopped cooking or eating beef (inside and outside). The entire cooking set up has changed to typical Indian style since my husband is an Indian (I am not) and he could not handle our food easily.

    Now that, I can cook Indian foods like an expert. The funny part is, not only myself, my my mom, brother and sister too have changed to more veg food after our marriage. My husband is such a powerful influence into our family in this matter.
     
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  10. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    :exactly:Well said :thumbsup
     
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