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Accused Of Withholding Sex

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by BhumiBabe, May 1, 2017.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been accused of purposely withholding sex from my husband (by my husband, of course), but I can't seem to understand this. I'm not purposely doing that, I'm just not in the mood, 29 out of the 30 days in a month. And when I am physically in the mood, being happy helps me reciprocate, while being insulted at, clearly doesn't work. The thing is, sex is painful to me, when I am not in the mood, which I assume is NOT normal.

    I would like to know, if pleasing your husband needs means overlooking your own? Does this happen to anyone else?
     
    Dragon, noemie, jmsd and 1 other person like this.
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Do you mean you are not in the mood 29 days.
    Is it because your husband insults you
     
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sex when not in the mood can be painful.it is
     
  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Yea, not in the mood for 29 days...There are a couple days when I'm physically ok for sex, but my brain doesn't switch to.. "sexy mode". My husband being insulting definitely make me less interested.

    Good to know that it's uncomfortable for more than just me.
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    tell him to change his attitude .then you will be interested in him
     
  6. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Consult a gynaecologist and find out why it's painful. Something must be wrong with your organs.
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    i too am being accused of the same
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I have, they say everything is A-Ok.

    The thing is, the things that excite me, aren't textbook things that my husband thinks should be foreplay. I like to laugh and share something like a movie, joke, etc - it helps relax me. When it's straight business, I can't disengage my brain.
     
  9. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm sorry. It really sucks, because it's supposed to be exciting for both partners. Thinking it's an obligation or right is dangerous.
     
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  10. WiseAgnes

    WiseAgnes Gold IL'ite

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    Actually, it is normal and I know many women who find sex painful when they are not in the mood. I am oncological gynecologist, so believe me, I met many women with the same condition. The thing is, when a woman is not turned on, her vagina is not going to lubricate itself so it is not ready for penetration. Having sex without a proper lubrication can cause pain, bruises and even labial or vaginal fissures. So please don't do it.
    Also, it is completely normal not to want to have sex with someone who disrespects you. You are not obligated by any means to have sex with your husband if you don't want to. Tell him that when he insults you, he doesn't look sexy for you and you stop desiring intimacy with him him. Maybe he will realize that the problem is him.
    Good luck
     
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