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Abusive Family And Yes, I Cheated

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sinner, Jun 12, 2017.

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  1. Jun 12, 2017 #1
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,
    Sorry for the lengthy post...

    I want to confess something here...I am depressed very much and want to vent out.

    I have been married for 10 years and have 2 wonderful girls...I have had abusive marriage..
    Here is my story....Mine was an arranged marriage...I am married to a selfish man who always wanted my money instead of love (I work in an IT company)...In these 10 years, he has not bought me anything...I have had both physical and mental torture...He has hurt me badly that I have to live with the body injury and pain for the rest of my life...It is not curable...
    He drinks a lot and have abused me for asking him to stop this...I have even begged him to stop drinking..I have had bad experiences in the past when I was a child from drunkard men...So I hate drunkard men very badly...And whenever my H drinks and comes near me I vomit...He is least bothered about it....He has abused me verbally that I was living a love less life.....Abusive everyday...On top it, my MIL/FIL/SIL are all abusive...Each and everyday I wake up thinking who is going to abuse me today...Everyday was a hell..
    With all this pain, I was living for my kids...I don't want my kids to lose a parent.
    During this time, I was offered for a transfer in my office for a couple of months...Even I wanted a break so I accepted where my H also joined after a couple of months irrespective of me asking him not to come....He was drinking daily there that I was fed up totally with my life...After he left, I went into total depression and was also feeling lonely...On top of it, I had the worst trouble in my office as well...Totally down, one of my colleagues came to rescue for my official problem...The relationship developed emotionally first and then eventually physical...I do not know what was I thinking...I am from a conservative family I have never thought of a man other than my H till that time...I felt very guilty and remorseful that I again went into depression very badly...I came back in a pathetic situation and attempted suicide thrice as well...I feel very depressed now...I feel pathetic about myself...Everyday is becoming very difficult for me to live...I am a great sinner...I am neither a good wife nor a good mother nor a good human being...

    I have not told anyone about this...It's hurting me very badly that I am unable to live in peace now...My family's abusement is still continuing which does not seem a big deal now as I think I deserve this treatment for committing this sin...I am a sinner :(
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    #1
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  2. Jun 12, 2017 #2
    GraceN

    GraceN New IL'ite

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    It is quite common and natural. Absolutely not sin! First of all pls stop damaging 'yourself'.
     
    GraceN, Jun 12, 2017
    GraceN, Jun 12, 2017
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  3. Jun 12, 2017 #3
    joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    @sinner,
    first of all i would request you to change your userID here. The first step to coming out of your depression and self loathing etc is to get over the guilt you are feeling. Yes, it was a very wrong step that could have spoilt your family life still further. But, whats done cannot be changed. You just have to make up your mind to think ahead and plan for a proper future for yourself and your kids. If your husband is beyond any rectification, you have to seriously think of separating from him and making a life for yourself and the kids. When the whole family of husband/Inlaws are of no support to you, what is the purpose of your carrying on under the same roof? Since you are working, you can definitely work towards your independence. What is your FOO opinion on your situation? It is difficult to suggest remedial measures without knowing your family situation in full. Would only say, get out of the guilt immediately and secure your finances, and plan how you are going to manage your life going ahead. Others here, will be able to guide you well. Take care.
     
    joylokhi, Jun 12, 2017
    joylokhi, Jun 12, 2017
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    Amica, sindmani, NeetaR and 5 others like this.
  4. Jun 12, 2017 #4
    poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes you made a mistake – and you admit it – which is half the problem the solved. Yes, It IS a sin to cheat in a marriage BUT the circumstances under which you have done it balances the whole thing out. From what you have described, you are going through utter harassment. I am so sorry for your situation. It is very unfair what you have to go through. You have undergone a lot of trauma. You are in this marriage only because of your children. But what are the children going through? Seeing a drunk father and unhappy mother isn’t going to make your childrens lives better. You need to handle this situation. Do you want to stay with your husband or do you want to be with your colleage? You need to decide. Once you decide, eliminate the other guy from your life. If you choose your husband – clearly tell him that he needs to improve himself as you cannot stay in this situation. Tell him to undergo rehabilitation. At least for the sake of your children. Second option is leave your husband, take your kids and be with your colleague – there will be many challenges and you might have to face them alone. The third option is leave your husband and leave the other dude as well – take your kids with you and start a new life. You are financially independent anyway – this way you will have less burden of your husband.


    Don’t beat yourself up so bad. In tough times, we seek solace in the thing that makes us even a li’l happy. Your colleague would have empathised with you which may have caused you to slip. Even if he made you smile just one a day – I would call this “sin” worth it.
     
    poi098, Jun 12, 2017
    poi098, Jun 12, 2017
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    Divyatherapist likes this.
  5. Jun 12, 2017 #5
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Please divorce your husband and get out.you cheated because of continuous abuse.
    What lesson r u giving ur kids.
    That its ok to get abused???
    Don't demean yourself for the outside relation.
    Since you were living a loveless life,you
    got attracted to the man who was nice to you.
    Mistakes happen
    First get away from ur husband and his family
     
    Sunshine04, Jun 12, 2017
    Sunshine04, Jun 12, 2017
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    sindmani, NeetaR, Naari and 3 others like this.
  6. Jun 12, 2017 #6
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    Thanks for taking time to read my story...I feel better with supportive and understanding people like you...You ladies are doing a great job here :)
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
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  7. Jun 12, 2017 #7
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    Thank you very much....Though he is a bad husband...he is a good father...So I don't want my kids to suffer...after all its for my kids I am still alive and do not want them to suffer.....I am currently spending more time at work to avoid spending much time with him...I am waiting for time to heal my wounds...You are a great soul to understand my situation :)
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
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  8. Jun 12, 2017 #8
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    Thanks dear....I have decided to stay with my husband for my kids sake...He is a good father though not a good husband...So, don't want to punish my kids...
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
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  9. Jun 12, 2017 #9
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    Thanks dear....I don't want to punish my kids...so have decided to stay with him...Atleast my kids will be happy with us staying together....Nowadays I am avoiding to be with my H so that I don't have an unhealthy environment for my kids to grow up...
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
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  10. Jun 12, 2017 #10
    sinner

    sinner New IL'ite

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    @joylokhi can you guide me with how to change the name please....I couldn't figure it out
     
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    sinner, Jun 12, 2017
    #10
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