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About Parents & Siblings After Marriage

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Rihana, Feb 7, 2020.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Getting married is a big life event for anyone. This thread is about the impact of marriage on a person's relationship with his/her parents and siblings.

    A person gets married and the couple is living by themselves. In what ways does marriage change a person's relationship with his/her parents and siblings? What are the changes a person ideally and voluntarily makes or should make in his/her dealings with parents, siblings after marriage?
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A few that come to my mind, in no particular order:

    - The person's wallet or purse becomes off-limits for parents, siblings. Might sound weird but it came naturally to us in my family. After brother got married, we stopped taking money for his wallet lying around, even if to pay to the vegetable vendor waiting impatiently outside and no one else had cash handy. If brother was in the bathroom or something, we waited, or took the wallet to him and let him open it. If his wife was around, we asked her to give us money from it.

    - Certain states of undress between parents and siblings that were earlier OK are better avoided.

    - If a person's spouse is around and you need to talk privately to the person, ask or at least tell the spouse. Don't sneak away or whisper. That's rude.

    - Joint bank account: If a parent and child share a bank account, that should stop being the child's primary account. It can be maintained if it serves a specific purpose that cannot be met otherwise.

    - Knock before entering even if this was never practiced earlier.

    - Check with the person and his/her spouse before planning a trip or visit to their house. This does not mean you no longer drop by with short notice. It is simply an understanding that now the person might not be as available as he/she was earlier.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Moving on to more contentious things... a few actually based on threads started here by aggrieved women.

    - mother feeding grown son food by hand. A beautiful act. And kind of sad that marriage might put a stop to it. It is up to the husband to "know" whether his wife minds. If she does, humor her. Don't delve too deep into the why's. Saves on therapy bills overall.

    - When a brother or sister gets married, the brother helping the sister with saree pleats or pallu arrangement has to cease forthwith. No discussion.
    saree.jpg
    Picture source.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2020
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  4. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    Who decides whats right? Its not like every person who is marrying will follow “IL-ites codebook”. Things will vary and best that couples figure out what works for them. Where boundaries are drawn is going to be so much a factor of the product of how one was brought up.
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignoring posts that question validity or need of thread.

    Next:
    Don't tease the married brother or sister who says, "I will check with <spouse> and let you know." Earlier your sibling could give you answers by consulting only his/herself. Now he/she has to ask spouse sometimes before responding to your request or question.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    No labelling the newly married guy joru ka gulaam because he feels the need to include his spouse.

    Not tagging along with bhaiya or didi every time they step out.

    The older siblings should make sure their kids are not being a nuisance to the new member .

    Nice thread @Rihana :clap2:.....as usual.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It is un manly:facepalm:. I personally find it a major turn off.:nono:

    Learn to eat like an adult before taking on grown up decisions like marriage.

    Of course this is my personal opinion :).
    Some others may find it chooo chweet !
     
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  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    True I feel there is nothing wrong in it. Especially if the adult kid was far apart from parents for long time. The affection and love from mother is natural.
     
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I had to go and look at the other part-labels in that picture.
    :roflmao::roflmao:
    Here is something I want to add:
    upload_2020-2-7_21-46-22.png
    I have noticed that the younger people don't actually touch one's feet; they are really a socially acceptable distance away from the hem. There may be a distance that is appropriately optimal for an effective blessing, without the young'un actually touching any part of the hem. [ Recently @Cheeniya had wondered about the older-blessing-the-old-enough ...and that got me on this track!]

    In a few posts of the newly weds, and those who were reminiscing about their wedding (that is not so new) this "touching feet" to gather blessings from the elders, is not viewed all that positively. I think it is best for parents and older siblings to ignore this custom, and get on with more important stuff.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2020
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  10. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    And that - one finds it this way and another may find it another way - is precisely what I tried to write. Ofcourse OP swiped it away, so make merry, bye.
     

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