Hi all my daughter is 25years now. She did Ms and now working in a big MNCs in Us. This year we want to get her married. But she doesn't want to.She wants to be single.We don't know what to do. We tried to make her convince but no use.Without her wish we cannot do anything.As a mother I tried my level best.im totally confused whether leave her like that or not.Am I regret latter after some years.please help me in this matter.iIs it ok if she is single?
If your daughter is going to settle in the US,then staying single wouldn't matter to her because single people wouldnt be poked or judged as in India. Here she would have to keep listening to comments from relatives and people around. Also single people in the US can have a life because there may be like minded people but in India it would be difficult for her to have normal life or friends because everybody ends up with their own family and life.
My thinking also exactly the same but some times I feel like if in future she feel lonely ness and by that time her age crossed how. We parents cannot support her life Long . She may alone in this world.even though she has a sibling but she will be settled in her life and she will have her own family how Long she can support her sister.[/QUOTE]
Age will only be a barrier in India.If you are Okay with her settling with a person irrespective of caste and other barriers,leave her for now.She may find a person whom she feels compatible in future. But if you are looking for the typical arranged marriage setup then it is a little difficult without her consent.
I have friends who r in their 30s n 40s dat r single, guys n gals. Der r many reasons like heart break, din find d right match, career, homosexuals or simply jus loving d single hood. Apart from d heart break n wrong match ppl, d rest of dem r really happy. We need to understand dat not everyone r ready to commit n hav a family. I would like to add dat Marriage alone does not guarantee any safety. Der r so many examples of dat in our forum itself. N Ppl's mentality is changing in India too, if she Ever wants to come here. I dono abt d relatives part, but as friends, ppl r a lot accepting towards untraditional living n dey r not gona push them away jus bcoz dey don follow d traditional path. Ders a mix of all kinds of ppl everywer now. N age is not really a problem in this generation. If ur relatives r very traditional, jus look a lil outside of that circle n u wud realise our country n d world has changed. It's a lot more broad minded n different. I see it around me all d time. In fact my single friend in her late 30s, her family jus arranged her marriage in trichy. He's also a single well educated groom with a very good job. So like I said, our ppl r also changing with the world. A marriage shud b d individuals choice n cannot b forced. So u can have a proper conversation with her n check how clear n prepared she is abt her future. Abt d challenges, society, loneliness, if she changes her mind at a later age n all dat. No raising voice or arguing, but very calm n collected, point to point clear talk. A talk like dis won't giv clarity jus for u but also for her.
I too agree with you and I don't care about society and relatives.Next month I'm going to visit her for sure I will talk with her .Thank you friends for your kind advices
OP, You need to be open minded. If your daughter is in US, she may be enjoying the freedom here. Are you pushing her for an arranged marriage with a boy living in India and forcing her to stay in India? I think that is stupid.. Please read IL forum. You will find marriage failure and tons of problems in those lives. Instead of forcing her marry, did you ever had a face to face talk with her (not over phone or mail), that you are here to support her no matter what her dreams are.. Have you asked her ? Why she wants to be single ? Is it because of career option or is it temporary decision, that can change in future or is she considering any one or is she in a relationship? Is she planing to settle in India or US ? What she wants..You can tell her, you can support only if you know the reasons and her plans.. Have a discussion with her and find out the exact reason.. If you continue to force her, she will shut down.. In US staying single is not at all a problem. no one will question or ask why it is so.. In India, everyone ask it.. May be you are under pressure because of these question, quite natural..But I feel that you should give her more time to figure out what she wants.. she is only 25 years.. Let her enjoy her career and single life for few more years than taking up a huge responsibility of PILS, dh etc..She should be ready for marriage. Anyway, have a talk with her... Good luck
Dear OP, As a mother your wish to see a grown up child settling in life in terms of marriage and family is very much understandable. But please also consider that your decision to get your daughter married also implies that she is an adult herself. she is already proving that she can handle her life well - she is working and is away from home and is doing well in whatever she does. Give her that space and try and talk to her just how talk to an adult. She will open up - if not at the very first go then at the second go.
Really thank you very much dear friends. I will surely consider your opinions. She is more career oriented person. She did her studies in TOP Universities.she is still want to do PhD. For sure again I will talk to her as you people said. Thank you very much.
