A very disturbed marital relationship potentially heading for divorce

yes totally possible....provided the husband says it....not OP or me or you or his parents/his siblings or his neighbours or friends....person who endured it is the one who knows the real whys n whats.....not a third person...(we all know about chinese whispers havent we??)

may be OP is checking with her sister to know more about what really happened...lets wait...

 

Sally, glad you said it - giving the OP the benefit of the doubt when she has not come back to clarify things.

When I'm in deep s**t, I would like to confide my problems with someone else (parents, sister or closest of friends, assuming my problem is with my BF). When someone is in trouble, more often than or not, logical thinking and analysis goes down the drain. Decisions are made in a haste and emotions come into play. So when I'm in trouble, I usually call up one of my close friends, to calm me down and restore my sanity back. When the problem is as big as an EMA and abuse, I sure would do it, to get back on track. So disregarding the OP as a third person and calling it as chinese whispers is taking away the credibility of the post. (Isnt that the reason abused women come to IL to find out what to do next? In this case it was OP and her sister who helped their cousin out.)


OP:

IMO, I would say your cousin has to fight it out fair and square, and not by refusing to give immigration papers. Infact, contesting a divorce on the grounds of EMA and abuse (esp coming from a man), he has a much better chance to win here in the USA. You really gave a good advise to him in asking him to record the abuse. That will help him prove his case. But as long as she is on H4, I do not see how he can avoid paying alimony. Maybe proving the EMA would help too?

Edit : Before we start reading between the lines, lets wait for the OP to clarify!

 

Yani..... , SSC.Come on!

I am not sure whether the OP would come back by the way we have dissected the issue.Probably this would have made her realise few things/mistakes.Else she should/would check back with the cousin and get back.

OP, we are just giving you possible angles as to what would have happened(you might have heard only one side of the story from your cousin) and hope a lady's life is not spoiled for no mistake of hers.

 

What a conclusion to OP being non-responsive.
If the OP doesnt respond here, then the assumption is, she is incorporating IL suggestions after realizing her mistake! C'mon, gimme a break!! :bang

 

May be OP is hurt and felt cornered. so stopped responding?

 

OP is male and single.
Let your cousin consult a lawyer and be done with it.

 

after reading JAG & SSCs posts yesterday I kept thinkign and there are some similarities in other cases we have heard so far...

Specially doctor husbands wanting to prove their wifes as mentally insane......

remember the calcutta doc who called his wife insane and sent her for therapy/counselling (instead of he attending the counselling???) finally he was the one who killed her and stuffed her in the car which was gifted by his FIL......

another case where the kid was kidnapped by his own mother because the mother was proved insane and she was running from country to country?? when she was having shared custody she was all ok, but when the husband pushed on sole custody for kid on the grounds of his ex wife being mentally insane..things went out of hand....as much as kidnapping is wrong, i also think how would a helpless mother react to show what she really is???

Cases where a wife wont go for counselling, may be that she knows she cant fix or change anything in her marriage....because husband is the one who is rigid and doesnt accept or see what wrong he is doing..in such cases even if the wife goes for counselling how does it help....(can this thought be given benefit of doubt now??? when SSC said there are women who will say no to counselling....)

its like we see abusive husbands....they dont want to go to counselling , rather they will say wife is the one who instigated them and want to send the wife to counselling....if the wife says no ...then she can be branded as the one who was torturing her husband...(can this be the case?? may be!!!!)

Whatever it is....there are many ifs and buts in this thread..because OP never came back with any answers...(for that matter may be he/she had answers or no answers....) just like how there might be a chance that OP may not want to explain or may not be at fault...there is also chance that may be hthreads here have actually made OP thinking on what really happened....

Lastly JAG as far as I am concerned, my posts are not going to be tailor made like whoever posts about abuse, I will start blasting their spouse...NO. you can refer to all my posts...there are cases where I told women to have a hold on their anger and nature...when I respond to a post, its purely based on my hunch...and intuitive feeling...and reg.this poster....my intuition says...entire fault may not be only the spouses (speciallyw ith the kind of words chosen by the poster and the sequence of events..)

I agree everyone has their own way of looking at things...I understand your perspective ...but that doesnt mean my perspective is wrong...(there are lot of may be's involved here)

 

You are entitled to,SSC!

 

Indian males in USA do not want to go for counseling when they are at the brink of divorce. If they have sensible freinds they are lucky if not they are out of luck and the third person adds fuel to the fire. It is always better to get unbiased opinion from third party who is not emotionally attached to the couple. As far as wether wife deserves alimony or not is determined by a number of factors other than abuse. She is the mother of his child she need to be finically secure for his child to have a healthy childhood. All he is thinking about is himself and his money. He has every right to get out of this abused situation but he needs to pay his dues for getting married and having a child. He is not a woman who was forced to have a child. It is good to put emotions aside and opt for a divorce with mutual agreement to raise the child, once a child is involved in a relationship you cannot make mother of his child disappear from equation, even if you divorce her. In USA atleast both ex spouses try to live in the same city for children.

 

well said....

thank you for mentioning this....seems like not just OP or her cousin...many men and women forget this.....they have a kid as a companion....instead of the spouse