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A very disturbed marital relationship potentially heading for divorce

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by VSharma007, Jan 10, 2012.

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  1. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, I know that you have come to this forum for getting details "for separation".Even as outsiders we do not want someone to separate just like that.As a relative, I am not sure how much you would have tried to patch them up.(But I feel you should have left them by themselves and they could have sort out the differences.Only the husband and wife will know better).But it is annoying to see that you and your sis have been abetting this separation.I am not trying to be shrewd, but imagine if the same thing happens to you tomorrow and your hubby's relatives advise him to gather evidence against you.Isn't it unfair and crude?A husband and wife relationship should be ideally beyond all this and they should be sharing a special bond instead of hubby trying to act as if he is dealing with an enemy/criminal and trying to gather evidence.

    Agreed there are few cases where you have to gather evidence since the other person turns out to be a torturous once.But in this case , come on yani , the wife is not so mean.Atleast you have not provided any such instance/story.It is just the plain male ego which is hurt here.Better to work on it than working on separation.

    What is this "willingness" to bring up child?It is his duty and if he does not have the sense of belonging to the child , forget it, he would never try to understand his wife.Though he is educated , he is one of those men out there who thinks that household responsibilities are wife's and he does not have to fill the duty(sometimes these men do not even know what it is to be a hubby and father) as a hubby and father.

    JAG, I do understand that there are some men who are being tortured by their wife , but I do not think this is one among them.JMO.Some men think it is easy to wash of their hands and get a fresh start.
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Bhuvnidhi
    And how did we conclude that?Because he collected evidence?
    One can seek clarifications without being judgmental.....that is sadly lacking in this thread.
    But yes it would do good to read up/get informed on abuse of men before we embark on the task of 'helping' them.
     
  3. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    JAG, It is not only based on him collecting evidence.The OP says that the wife was beating him and he did not retaliate (like a saint-My words).

    The guy who was quiet as usual , now thinks of stopping his wife from going to US again.He only intends to divorce in India where the laws can suit the one who can bribe and not in US(where laws could not be bent).

    Things are not straight here in my opinion.He wanted a child thinking that things will get alright.But now he does not want to give a penny for the lady who bore his child and raised him?And he has his lovely cousins who could pamper his male ego.Afterall I am not here to judge the man or the OP but it irks me when he wants to get rid of her without paying a penny.
     
  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi OP,
    1The reason why some of us are upset is that its easy to provoke someone and tape it, witnessed by cousins. Why not call her side of people to witness her outbursts? Its doubtful if any man woul allow to be beaten without retaliating. What is the hubby doing to get beatings ?
    2 Most hubbies say that wife is insane, abusive to get divorce. Why did an educated girl turn into a basket case after marriage?
    3 If the Doc is so morally correct and saintly why not give one time settlement and be done with it? He can continue to roll in money and SHE wont get any.
    4 Trying to get away without alimony sounds bad , after all the "stupid" lady did spend her youth with him and bore his child.
    5 Hope there is no third angle from the Docs side since his wife already had an EMA!
    6 The "stupid" lady has so much piled up against her , makes her look like a bechari=poor thing instead of a cheater/ abusive person. The sympathy goes to her not to Doc.
    Its incredible that so much hatred can pile up against a person whom one had married voluntarily.Could have been an arranged marriage to please parents.
    If the dice is loaded against the other spouse then its a cake walk to get a divorce anywhere.
    One just needs a good lawyer thats all since all the evidence is ready at hand .

    But divorce takes a loong time in India and the good Doc may have to make several trips from US if the wife puts up a fight .
    All the best !
     
  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    That is the definition of abuse Bhuv....the victims don't retaliate. There
    is nothing saintly about it. Just because he is a man or a doc I don't want to
    assume he cannot be abused. Reality is often stranger than fiction.
    Divorce in India.. and professional counseling?

    I am not going to comment on the corruption of legal system in India.
    Us legal system is no cake walk either...esp when u don't have expensive
    lawyers.
    Actually the guy has a better chance of proving he was being
    abused in Us than in india. In India male abuse is just not accepted and he will have to pay alimony.

    May be we should wait for OP to clarify the push for filing the
    divorce in India and if professional counseling was attempted before we
    brand and label him.
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    If he was the one who posted this...things would have surely took a diff. turn...but another woman talking CRAP about some other ladys married life is what is undigestable...this OP is also calling her names and potraying her cousin as the saint...she doesnt know all the inner details but she and her sister are guiding this cousin for divorce. (sad state of affairs..)

    one sure thing is....this cousin of OP has fallen into bad hands....divorce/no divorce...he sure needs someone mature to help him out and not someone who can be judgemental and scheming (like our op).doesnt matter if the cousin is a physician or anyone else...he should have gone to a therapist or counsellor..atleast for his own sake...forget about taking his wife...if a man knows how to avoid alimony and prove his innocence by taping n recording..dont tell me he doesnt know that he can take professional help. (ooor is it that as bhuvi said..he thoughts its better to get rid of her after his ego n selfrespect are hurt!!!)
     
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  7. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Let me tell you the story of an indian family. We bought a house from an indian family. They were retired couple, the gentleman being a cardiologist. We became actually good friends. Uncle would keep complaining abt his kids being "american" and not calling him. He had 4 kids. All the kids were raised in boarding schools in the US and hence not much attachment to his parents. I mentioned that since they were raised in boarding school, they dont have much attachment coz they have never seen thier parents unless on holidays. It was surprising that they would send all kids to boarding school. It turned out that the Dr. had divorced his first wife on the grounds of mental instability (very similar to the above case). since he was a Dr. and with good disposable income, he also won the custody of his kids. Ex wife had visitation rights. But then what happened is karma - his exwife died. He being a Dr. could no longer care for his kids all by himslef with his busy schedule and he packed all of them to boarding school. The kids are successfull but they have no attachment to their father. I cant blame the kids at all!!..All this money and the man keeps pining for his kids - they dont even call him or invite him. he has 4 kids and none of them care abt him. who lost here?? The poor kids lost their mother and father.....

    If you have money and influence, you can win the custody of your kids - but you cant win your kids.....Your Dr, cousin will regret this move many years down the road.
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    We on the other hand are entitled to it !(Dishing of CRAP..) when we barely give people a chance to come back and clarify...
     
  9. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I think OP might be fully justified in being angry with this lady. If this lady indeed abuse and had extra marital affair I would say the husband did the right thing by recording the abuse. He is also justified in not wanting to pay alimony. Let's give OP & her cousin benefit of doubt. For all we know he might have tried get his wife for counselling but she might have refused. Some females are capable of as much evil as some men so OPs version of events are entirely possible.
     
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  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    JAG

    you are entitled to your opinion JAG. no issues.
     
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