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A very disturbed marital relationship potentially heading for divorce

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by VSharma007, Jan 10, 2012.

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  1. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    FL,Billybob
    Why do we insist on doubting the credibility of the post. Is it because a 'woman' is abusive. And why is it wrong for family to interfere ? Don't women seek help outside when they are being abused? There are plenty of intelligent women who are abuse victims and sometimes we do need friends and family to suggest things like collecting evidence when as a victim we are unable to think coherently. His IQ as a physician is irrelevant here.
    Yes I had my questions too after the first post but OP clarified . I have certainly seen my share of verbally and emotionally abusive women . Physical abusers might be rare because women are generally smaller but they are not non-existent. Lets give benefit of doubt to OP and help him the way we would if the post were about a woman being abused.
     
  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    JAG

    no no....atleast as per me we are not doubting the credibility...but what irked was the RECORDING n TAPING part....this is done only by those people who have a motive....

    Tell me how many abused woman come n say I have his abuse recorded!!!??? this is the point of doubt/question.

    Moreover this is not even the husband himself explaining...this is one of the cousin who is talking about the married life of another cousin...:bonk(not even sister or someone who grewup in the same familyyyy so that she can say i know her nature from childhood)


    the husband is a doc...and instead of opting for counselling he opted to record/tape....to top it his relatives are already involved in this entire sitaution...thats another thing...
     
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  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    But think about it ...A woman has to only say she was abused and show marks and no one will doubt that she was being abused. But for a guy its going to be incredibly difficult to prove that he was the victim. He needs to get more than a few marks..he actually needs witness and evidence. Yes its sneaky but I doubt he had a choice and its not wrong. If he were my friend then thats exactly what I would have suggested "Get it on tape..no one is going to believe u that ur wife hits you".
     
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  4. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Collecting evidence is the smartest thing he did. It will surely help in the court.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree....but being a doctor, he had many options to separate himself from the situation isnt it??? if he was sure his wife was insane / mentally not fit, he would have taken her to a therapist or counsellor, instead of having a kid and now when she went to India, he is planning all this....


    JAG

    There were other posts where men came up with their divorce issues/ reasons...we all supported them and suggested what we can....if a case sounds fishy..thats when people start asking questions isnt it??? havent we asked questions to women when they say they are abused? as to why n whats? and whatelse she did to avoid the situation or to make her feel better n safe?? why she had kid etc??? why is it that we cant ask such questions with this case???

    again as I said...if someone is talking about how they suggested recording n taping of abuse...why didnt they suggest counselling/therapy? being angry on that abusive wife is not wrong....but as usual this appears more like one sided story...(there is no mention of why she gets soo abusive n upset and angry...whta are the fights about...etc)

    no one is saying he opting for divorce is wrong...we are alld iscussing plausible solutions or what he may/may not end up with....diff.scenarios
     
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  6. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Opting for divorce is fine, as long as it is done through right channels, not in a sneaky way. Since his did wife ask for divorce, they can settle in a more civil way. In this situation he did not go for counseling, all he did was gather evidence and thinking about how to avoid alimony. I have seen few of my friends and acquaintances divorced, but eventually they recovered and settled legally about child and spousal support, it can be hard on the child if not done in a proper way. As a physician chances of him paying spousal support are high at least for few years, which he wants to avoid and this applies to women as well. On the top of all complaints he did claim that she was cheating on him, probably evidence for that will be more acceptable in courts. I did not come across women doing the same, educated woman physician with H1, I do not think any one will pity them.
     
  7. shobana sridhar

    shobana sridhar Silver IL'ite

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    Whatever the matter be nobody i say NOBODY has got the right to call another human stupid.Anybody who uses such words must surely go to a psychiatrist before he or she tries to solve others problems. I resent that the woman being called stupid for her husband spends time from his "so called busy job"with his family apparently does not know what "busy" means.
     
  8. anonymou

    anonymou Silver IL'ite

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    Well said JAG.
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. Technically, it is the husband who needs to apply for H4 visa and if he doesn't, wife can't enter the U.S. But is that the right thing to do morally?

    Yes she can file a divorce case in the U.S as it is the normal place of residence for both of them. Both Indian and U.S court claimed jurisdiction in similar cases in the past. The marriage happened in India and the normal place of residence is the United States. Hence, both court will claim jurisdiction and your cousin does not have a choice in this matter.

    If she files a divorce case in the U.S., the court will decide the divorce along with assets as well.

    However, I have the following questions about your post and I would appreciate if you can kindly answer them.

    1) Why your post is silent about the wife being taken by your cousin to a psychiatrist? The mental sickness is also a sickness that deserves attention by the husband especially by a physician husband.

    2) Why your cousin thought that having a baby would fix issues? He being a physician he should no better than that. The stress associated with pregnancy would probably increase her mood swings. We live in 21st century and thoughts like marriage will fix the problem of the son and a child will fix the problem of the wife, etc. are thoughts of 20th century.

    3) What is the basis of the accusation that your cousin's wife was involved in adultery? Normally, the husband would never accuse wife of adultery. The fact that he is ready to accept his child indicates that he has implicit faith in his wife as a person of integrity. Is he going to take a paternity test for his child? These two behaviors of your cousin conflicts with each other.

    4) You had mentioned in your post that your cousin is willing to take care of his son financially or otherwise. Don't you think that he has that duty as one of the parents and he is not doing any favor by agreeing to take care of his son? The willingness is necessary only if he does not have a duty but he is willing to do it anyway.

    5) Lastly, in your second clarification, you said, that stupid woman did not care that her husband devoted as much time with his family in his super busy schedule. Do you really think any wife with self respect would think that the husband is doing a favor by devoting much time to the family in spite of his busy schedule?

    In my humble opinion, he should be spending time on constructing his life back by a) consulting psychiatrists to find out how to fix his wife's problem and b) plan his son's future instead of gathering evidence against his wife. If (a) above is not feasible, then he could apply for a divorce but still he should work on b) above.

    Viswa
     
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  10. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    the cousin of urs is too clever to provocate and record all that..who knows he might have bet her and she bet him again.. these days court is not accepting all this..instead of taking divorce both would have sat with each other and find the way to reduce temper..
     
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