A Vent (random Thoughts Mostly)

It’s been a while that I posted here , but it’s just been a overwhelming night so it calls for random vent post .
Some of you know me from the ancient times , we moved ahead from all the craziness of infertility - the much coveted male child is now 4years . And the much coveted male child bought some sanity (I thought ) to the inlaw situation. Not that we have become best of buds but I at least called once a week and kept it to a courtesy of “all okay ?” . But over time I guess having totally different ideologies, that is they being regressive and I being more the Naari Mukti Morcha type, things had to fall apart . Once a while if I came across a very patriarchal view I kept snubbing it down , for example , your surname is still “y” you are now a “z” you need to change your name - I said nope , no thank you I am happy being “y” and I am living with “z”(dh) anyways and keeping my “y” name will let me be both . Not as much a smart mouth comment but at least I tried (I think ). May be I should not have ? May be I should have just said yeah sure I will and left it at that ? May be just laughing anything offensive would have been better ?
Well anyways things fell apart last night , dh (this guy is a true champion of women’s empowerment if he only just kept quiet and not prodded me to stand up for myself , may be things would have been better ) , yes so the DH was having a 1:1 with inlaws on how they can better treat their Bahus - haha - which obviously dint go well . Then came out the vomit of allegations of- how I dint divulge my pay - How there was no dowry - how my parents took money from them to book their tickets to the foreign land we live in and this is a way by my parents to humiliate them - how I make snarky comments - how I never invite them over to the foreign land - how I never cook for them ( so the expectation is I go stay with them for few months and cook and clean - no don’t even ask ) - and how inspite of all these humiliations their son has not stood up for them and that he is under a magical influence right now and how when they die and he won’t be able to touch or feel them even if he wants too that when he will realize how wrong he has been - and how I am basically a ichadari nagin vs the sanskari bahu they want .
Eventually the call ended with them saying things will only get better if I the younger one will work towards it and they are too old to change ,till then we don’t have to call or care for them ??!!

I cried yesterday a lot after a long time . Not because I need their validation but it hurt , i stood by my husband no matter what ,my parents supported me financially (no not happy about this ) when we were in a financial mess .4 years ago I would have never in my dreams thought I would be here doing so much better and to hear that people keep tab on how many times I cooked for them versus I slave here together with their son to build a better future is just heartbreaking .i feel the need to stick to my ground as a women but also feel sad for not being subservient enough just so I don’t break a family ??!!

There is so much more to life than cooking cleaning and the Bull crap drama . I wish people stopped living behind these false social facades and made living much more fun and happy .
Edit : had to add , even made a comment as to how lucky I am that they don’t physically abuse me and I don’t have to face things like that with them

 

Glad you remember me Rihana , I liked the anti gravity bharatnatyam woman
So far the modus operandi was to say “hello are you okay “ once a week , but with last nights call ( I was not involved in the conversation never have been , this particular conversation happened to be on speaker phone ) status has been upgraded to “if docile bahu doesn’t shape in there need be no further talk between the two families including their son “ and hence the whole overwhelming feeling .
But I see your point , since it’s a family dynamics always change if it ever goes back to talking mode I will auto revert to “hello how are you “ and further developing much thicker skin .

 

@Rihana its been 6mnths and continuing to make the weekend phone calls and keeping it very simple no matter what . I am beginning to realize that no matter what I do or how I do things are not going to get better , they are destined to be unhappy with me . Need to learn to live with this and continue to keep the calls and visits going on . Hopefully I will grow wiser and detached (from being irked and annoyingly surprised every time ). And reading some very depressing threads I am grateful for a understanding spouse .
I wanted to thank you for caring enough to listen .