A Transit Date

SHE: Eureka! I will write a story! I will write a story! I will write a fantasied story!

HE: A what? A story? A children's story?

SHE: No, an adult's story. I will create two arcs of storylines about a couple, one from the past (dating) and the other from the future (married) and they both would intersect in the present.

HE: Why doesn't the amateur storyteller in you start with one arc and then see how it goes rather than confuse yourself with two prodigious arcs.

SHE: I am an ambitious writer, I will straightaway start with two arcs ....with timelines .....that curve and intersect in spacetime.

HE: Are you going for a science fiction story?

SHE: No, a goofy story. Two romantic arcs that will curve and twirl and twirl and twirl like water buffalo's horns and touch each other.

HE: Water buffalo's horns don't twirl and twirl. I think you meant a screw-horn goat, the national animal of Pakistan. Watch out your Veer-Zaara coupling does not spark another war between the nations.

SHE: Yes those screwy horns. I will write a goofy and goaty story and deploy your obscure English.

HE: My English? My obscure English? You mean, obscure or obscurantist English?

SHE: See, see, that twirl-twirl English.

HE: Don't drag me in your quadrants and arcs and romantic rhombuses.

SHE: I will write a story. I will write a stooo-ry! I will write a story ...twirly ... goaty ... horny ... goofy story. I will write a story.

 

Hello @peddadas

I am jittery of how to respond to visitors and their ruminant pauses. I have depleted aptitude for a convivial host. I had no clue what to write back as a reciprocal interaction but for an indrawn blush blush, nevertheless, didn’t wish to ignore the sweet compliments. Therefore, the superinduced meta-fiction. Say, this scratchy and whimsical story is commissioned for my extended self-indulgence and any passing comment is an unexpected and smiley surprise.

 

The Girl with Dark Teeth​

"Poorni, open the bathroom door. You cannot flush away your fears in there! Open the door. It's been more than thirty minutes that you have exiled yourself in there under the pretext of a tinkle. You don't want to flood the bathroom with your fearful whizz."

"I have a severe migraine."

"We shall carry your head in a bag of naproxen."

"I think I also have an upset tummy."

"We will take care of that colluding tummy also."

"I have a virulent flesh-eating bacterial infection which gorged away my limbs and ears and now attacking my mouth. I cannot talk —"

"Stop your gallows humour. Come out at once."

Poorni sheepishly slides the door open and reluctantly drags herself to the bed and flops on it.

"Adi, why did you go for dual degrees? You must be insane. Can I jilt you on those grounds and avoid meeting your parents?"

"Yes, you can jilt me on those impressive grounds. But, for your unscholarly information, IIM with Brown or Wharton is not very uncommon. You will find many dual-honoured cranky achievers. Can we leave now if you are done with your overwrought analysis."

"Tell me again, what is your Dad who paid through his nose with such ridiculously extravagant dual degrees."

"My Dad is an auctioneer."

"Did auctioneers earn lavish in the past? I never knew else I would have taken up a career with a wooden hammer."

"My Dad retired as the Chairman of Nabon Textiles. He has interest in eclectic art collection. His personal vocation is a whimsical caricature of his professional esteem. After he retired, he chanced on an advertisement for a hefty-armed and hammer-clapping auctioneer needed for an auction house in the city and hurried to the next auction and pinched both the priceless job and the unheard artifact. He returned home with a bribed job which costed more than the broken and glued antique vase. That's my Thor-fanatic Dad for you!"

"He could have bribed for a more respectable judge position. Tsk tsk .."

"Sorry, cannot have two judges at the dinner table."

"Seriously? Are you kidding me?"

"No, my mom held the position of a judge in the Insolvency/Bankruptcy Court till last year."

"A family enamoured of hammers, eh?"

"Yes, and now we are looking for a gutsy nail in the form of a daughter-in-law for a troublesome bang."

"Adidas, your family scares me, you scare me, this union is preposterous."

"Pyooh-ma, brace it. Hurry up I need to drop you and leave for work."

________________________________
***
​

Poorni unfastens her seat belt as Aditya pulls the brakes and confronts her with the reckoning moment.

"Poorni, remember, don't jibber-jabber more than needed, don't gush more than felt, don't reveal your bold and baked Maggie skills unless asked for."

"Would I be convicted of entrapment crimes over their spoilt brat by your hammer-yielding family? Why aren't you joining us?"

"No. They know that it was I who chased and wooed you till my bones ached and snapped. Finally, you said 'yes' to those fractured bones. Go now. I will meet you in the evening. Only you and my parents for now. That's it."

Poorni languidly stretches her arm to yank the car door. As she is about to turn the handle, Adi slides his fingers through her limp hair and gently tugs her frowned ear and turns her head around. He shrugs at her perplexed brows and tender gaze whilst slipping his other arm across her nape and nuzzles her lovingly. He caresses her moist lips with his soft thumb.

"And don't freak them out with your callisthenics in the bed last night", Adi utters as he parts her lips with that of his.

________________________________
***​

Poorni is fiddling with her napkin avoiding the looming probe when the voice across the table interrupts her idle act.

"We heard nice things about you from Aditya", Mr Nilakantan beams in a happy tone.

"Like what?", Poorni inquires.

"Eah, I mean nice and pleasant things ....like ... ...like the usual nice and pleasant things .."

"Like what usual and nice and pleasant things?", Poorni drawls.

"Erm, just that you are nice and pleasant ...and", Mr Nilakantan fumbles.

"Poorni, he meant we have a good impression of you even before meeting you. So, where did you meet him?", Mrs Nilakantan cuts through.

"Uh, meet ...him ...uh-ah, I met him at a friend's party."

"Aditya told us that he met you in a train."

"A train? Yes, a train too ..."

"We were inquiring where, as in, which station you met him at?"

"Right! I see."

________________________________
***​

The mobile rings in Adi's cabin.

"Hey poohplum, how did it go? Are my parents still in one solid piece or did you freak them out?"

"You evil-witted litter-brained devil-skulled clodworn shim-shamed dim-domed noodle-nagged-nibbled-noggined blunt-headed lunk-lumped —"

"You sound much horny than Buttercup from The Princess Bride. So?"

"You told them that you met me in a train and what with all your dim-domed training you never bothered to tell me that you told the truth."

"I met you in a train. Why would I train you on the truth. If I had distorted something, I would have tipped you to play along but since I didn't distort that fact, there was no reason to fill you in with truthful facts .... in your already buttercuped and wonky brain."

"You know what I would be known as henceforth in your family ...The Girl Who Lied, The Girl Who Masked, The Girl Who Faked, The Girl Who Lied Through ....through her ...The Girl With Dark Teeth, wait, The Girl Who Lied Through Her Dark Teeth and Foul Lips."

"This morning when I kissed your lips they tasted alright. And the only girl I know in that list is the Girl Who Boils Maggie."

"You ruined me! I am that deceptive and manipulative daughter-in-law with lying teeth and fangs."

"Poorni, since when are you competing with those bedecked and flouncy bahus of Ekta Kapoor serials."

"I am written off from the ledger of virtuous and sanskari bahus because of your sloppy doing."

"Relax! My folks called up. They liked you. They didn't mention any of your flubs. They felt you were slightly uptight and squinty but okay ..."

"Sqinty? What is squinty? Does your entire family talk in some coded language while banging those hammers? I am squinty?"

"Pooh bear, listen ..."

"Don't call me any plush bear..."

"Poorni ...."

"Don't call me that also."

"Annapoorna to be Nilakantan, listen, why don't you go to that cake shop, the one you love which serves your favourite pastries and talk to that Mr Doon, the owner, and pour all your woes and troubles and non-disqualifications and non-deceptions while tucking in that cream and sugar till Mr Doon is discolored and about to faint with your rant and I will pick you up say in an hour. I promise I will pick before Mr Doon is reeled away in an ambulance."

"Sure? I don't want a manslaughter on my name after lies and deception."

"I promise. I will pick you up just in your sprouting dark teeth before they impose any fatal damage. "

Adi hangs up the call. He swivels in his chair and chuckles.

"Adi, we need to review those figures and —"

"Later buddy, I need to head out now before Mr Doon collapses. "

"Is someone ill in the family? By the way, how was that 'meet the parents' shot?"

"Later ...later ... I need to pick up Maggie in her darkly teeth."

"Maggie? I thought you were dating Poorni. Heck! How many women are you dating ..But Adi —"

"I too was deluded that I have been dating only one, but I have just been informed that I have been dating a mob of Girls with horny, er, hornet's assets. Later."

 

The Boy in Bugblatter Beasts of Traal ​

“Help! Leave me alone! Go away! Help!”

“Adi, wake up! Sit up. Are you mad screaming like that in the middle of the night. You give me the heebie-jeebies.”

Adi awakes holding his clammy forehead and swipes his quivering mouth with his stiff wrist. He looks over Poorni who is simpering with two large glowing eyes. He gropes for the mobile on the bed stand and checks the time.

“Poorni, are we still in our home?”

“No, last night you and I flew to the North Pole on a magical dragon and we are waiting for our ride to return to pick us up and transport us back to our home. Do you want to step out of our frosty cottage to check if our bird has returned. What was that devilish scream?”

“I dreamt a nightmare that your Dad tossed me into a well.”

“My Dad tossed you into a well. First, we don’t have a well in my hometown. Second, my Dad can hardly lift a rice bag let alone a disposing of a six-foot-something shrieking human into a well. Third, if you scream like a banshee in the midnight, why wait for my Dad, I would volunteer to dig a well and throw you right in it and return home and sleep in peace. Adi, we are travelling tomorrow to my hometown and I am worried about your state now.”

“Pooh, do we have to meet your parents so soon. Why not wait for few more days? You cannot be this vengeful to arrange a meet-up right after you met my parents.”

“My Mom calls me up everyday and inquires if I am ever going to introduce you to them or should they book their tickets and land here. Adibuns, let’s go and meet them. ”

“Parents are unnerving, eh?”

“You are in a double-bind between a hammer-hitting and a well-dumping Dad. Good luck to you. Gag your mouth and go to sleep.”

________________________________
***​

“Adi, my room is downstairs. Come down for lunch after you shower and dress up. Don’t wear those obnoxious shorts. Wear something handsome and smell good.”

“Why don’t you stay behind? I am already freaked out. Your parents know that we stay together in the city.”

“And transfer those freaks to my Dad. Nope! Chant something terrific like Hanuman Chalisa and quell those fears. Sorry hon, cannot share the room with you here.”

“Shucks! Poorni, I forgot to pack my towel. Auh!”

“Wait, I shall fetch a spare towel for you.”

________________________________
***​

“Are you serious? Is this shred of cloth a towel or a theosophical flag? Orange?! You give me an orange towel. Since when are towels orange? I cannot have this towel. No way.”

“Adi, towels in my house are dyed orange or purple. I know you avoid purple, so, here’s your orange.”

“What kind of a family buys orange-coloured towels?”

“Dad has a thing for bright colours. He believes when you swipe your face with a bright-coloured towel your whole day would brighten up and glow like a sun.”

“Is your Dad some Icarus with such devotion to sun-charmed vitality. Poorni, I want my kind of a towel. ”

“Stop it. There are no ravenous Bugblatter beasts of Traal here that the paranoid hitchhiker in you needs the towel to protect you from its attack. Any towel should do. Close your eyes and pretend that it is blue and pat dry your body.”

________________________________
***​

“Is everything OK? I saw you on the terrace inspecting the towel and muttering something to yourself?”, inquired Mr Pooh.

“Oh, that, erm, I was just admiring the towel, the fabric and the tasteful colour”, replied Adi.

“You will find all bright towels at our place. I personally shop for all the towels in our family. I heard you and Poorni have moved in together.”

“Yes, Poorni moved in with me at my behest. Both in the same city, commute, dinners and roses and smoke and traffic, best if we stayed together. Nicht wahr?”

“What war?”, quizzes Mrs Pooh.

“Sorry. I apologise. No war. That’s how Poorni and I converse. I meant, nicht wahr, as in, right?”

“OK. Poorni told us that you were in IIM and then you were expelled and your dad bought a seat for you in some war college again”, declares Mr Pooh.

“Did she tell you that? Right. I was expelled and travelled abroad and joined the War ..the Wharton”, replied Adi.

“It happens. We are not critical of how you managed your studies but as long as you can take care of Poorni and –”

“Don’t worry about it. Poorni will unremittingly ensure that I take great care of her. Your daughter is something. A very inscrutable something of a something of a something woman she is.”

“We won’t spread the word around that you were expelled from IIM. It happens”, both Mr and Mrs Pooh nod.

________________________________
***​

“I was expelled from IIM. What other facts about myself am I supposed to learn in this trip?”

“I was humouring and didn’t realise that my parents bought it, and that I was really serious. But, after meeting you , I assumed my parents would laugh at that practical joke dispelled by your sophisticated habits. Hmm, you didn’t put up an outstanding show if they still believed that you were expelled. Tsk, you didn’t impress my parents with your dual-degree charm.”

“How can I? I went to some War College that only trained me in deflecting your father’s rant on bright and sunny towels in the household.”

“Adi, we are leaving early morning tomorrow. Sleep well. Good night.”

“No kiss, no tucking me in the bed, no warmth from your –”

“Clutch the pillow and dream away about fire-breathing dragons and bugblatter beasts in wells. Mooh! Good night babykins.”

________________________________
***​

Mr and Mrs Pooh bid the couple as they get into the car and speed away.

“Poorni, what a relief! I missed you, missed having you fussing around me.”

“Both the sets of parents arranged for. So, next what, Adi?”

“Next? I cannot wait to get back to our place and take you in my arms and –”

“Wait, before I forget, Dad has a gift for you.”

“Really?”

________________________________
***​

The poultry van behind the Nilakantan car is steered by a stout fifty-something man loudly playing the FM channel and debating with his mate in the shotgun seat about the chickens being raised healthy and happy by playing hip-hop or classical music to them. Suddenly, they are jolted by an object flung out of the Nilakantan car. As the van slowly drives past the spot where the object has landed, they both turn their debate to whether that forlorn object is a lungi or a table cloth, nevertheless, both agree that it is orange in colour.

 

Hey @peddadas, I enjoyed reading your comment. I will respond in detail later.

 

The Three-Cornered Hat​

Text:
Poorni, Mom and I want to finalize the wedding month. Would you prefer April or July wedding?

Text:
Dad, let me check with Adi and get back to you.

Text:
Addy, Dad is inquiring, April or July for the wedding?

Text:
July.

Text:
Dad, Adi would like the wedding to be held in April. What with monsoons and and rains in July, he wants a sun-ridden April wedding.

Text:
We are okay with that.

Text:
Love you, Dad.

Text:
Poorni, what about the flowers? Mom and I were thinking of lilies and gardenia.

Text:
Checking with Adi.

Text:
Adi, Dad wants to order chrysanthemums and other orangey petals for the wedding. You okay?

Text:
Pooh, orange, bleuhh!

Text:
Dad is keen that flowers should be bright and bursting.
I told gardenia and creamy stuff but you know how Dad is.

Text:
Cancel that. I will order the flowers.

Text:
Dad, Adi is thrilled with your floral idea. He is so thrilled that he wants to foot the bill. I tried telling him that Dad wants to sponsor but you know how Adi is ...

Text:
OK, fine then.

Text:
Sushie, will white lies ever be caught in a marriage?

Text:
Poorni, I am 29 for Mr Sushie. Not to worry.

Call:
Hey, is that Trellis Florists?
This is Aditya Nilakantan.
I would like to order the best of the orange collection you have for a wedding.
Yes, my father-in-law loves everything orange.
He is a good man.
Would you take the order please?
At the earliest.
Yes, I am sure she will broker as April.
Say, I have a wicked girlfriend.
And her boyfriend is more sweetly wicked.