A sad man's life....very very true..he can't cry like a women

Harrassment in any gender is never to be tolerated.. pls ask your brother to talk to a councellor and a lawyer... preferably.. good luck..

 

It must be very difficult for your brother to lead this kind of life with no peace at all. If things do not get better, it is not good for anybody as everyone in the family is under stress.

DO you know any reason as to why your brother's wife is behaving like this? I mean, any complaints or grudges from her side or is there something that is making her behave like this?

Perhaps, the full family needs to sit down together and have a talk. Mayb you copuld ask her parents also to come and then both the familes can sit face to face and try to find out what is the actual problem.

Hope things straighten out soon as this is a very difficult situation to be in.

 

ppl dont question credibility when its ususally the harassed wife posting/talking abt problems in her marriage, not a sister in law/cousin/friend/random nosy parker who thinks her bro/friend etc is trapped in a horrible marriage. Maybe such posts will get more credbility if the husband himself comes here n posts about his horrible marriage (instead of a 3rd party who is not directly involved in the marriage)? and in case you dont know this yet, here's a news flash for you, a marriage is between a husband and a wife, not between a husband n wife n mil and sil and what not! Sometimes the husband's family keeps imagining up situations about how their dear sweet little bro/son is leading a terrible unhappy life with a psycho terrible horrible wife - when it is wishful imagination on their part (that since the mother/sister etc are not there directly taking care of the man, the man must be suffering terribly). Not saying this is the case here, but happens!

 

Hi Meghapoornima.

Sorry to hear this about your brother and his wife. I am curious.
Where does your brother live now? And where did he live when his wife was with him?
With parents or separately?? Is she expecting him to move out?
Any idea if she is harassing him this bad just to set up a family away from the in-laws?
Was there an issue about it that your parents objected to?
And does his work always go so tight? What about weekends??

 

MeghaPoornima, Let your brother sort out the issue by himself as they would know what is happening between them.Both are grown up adults and let them sort out the differences.Maybe he might solve the situation in a better way than you.

This says a lot to me.There might be something more than what you think or see.There are certain things which cannot be discussed outside the four walls(I hope you understand).That is the reason elders say husband and wife should sort out the differences on their own as much as possible.

 

Megha,

I have three brothers trapped in similar marriages, where one ultimately filed for divorce. I just wanted to mention that, although there is a common perception that the law is "for" women, in reality it is different. In many cases, police don't blindly take complaints from women. They have seen first-hand how many women (and their families) abuse the domestic violence and dowry harassment laws. So, IF your SIL is threatening such cases, I don't think your bro should cow down or be intimidated by it. Let him record such statements so that he will have some ammunition if things get ugly.

Having said that, I think your brother has to talk to his wife to find out the root cause of the problem. If your parents are well-meaning and just want them to be happy, I take it that they are non-interfering and aren't placing unreasonable or insensitive demands on their DIL. In that case, it is up to your bro to find out what the real deal is. Of course, if she is a born-whiner who is never satisfied in life, he can't do much about it! Good luck.

 

whats wrong if sister posts about her brother's troubled marriage here??

 

Hello Meghapoornima,

So, your SIL was OK with your bro for first two months.
Your brother must have laid out some rules during this time.

You didn't say , whether she is working ? Since , she has masters in Pharmacy , it could be that she prefers a career along with family life , and your brother's profession looks like the tight scheduled one , there may not be time for her to pursue her career goals.

I see you are sympathetic to your bro and parents ,
but , your brother's work timings are bizarre ,
why can't he make time for his wife , take her out evening ,
take care of the baby and let her pursue her career alongside with his ???

There is a lot of info. missing here , unless you tell the whole story , we can't find a solution to your brother's problem ?

 

FS

Nope there is nothing wrong....just that sometimes when a sister looks at her brothers wife talking in a high pitch tone, she may take it wrong; not out of anger on her SIL, but just out of love for her brother...infact we dont know what we see when it comes to others married life right? (its just similar to posting on forums ...we see with colored glasses already i.e love for brother in this situation or hearing one side of the story and picturizing and understanding the other side...

Ex:- you may see a wife very dominating and reserved in a group, but she may be the one who is undergoing abuse at the hands of her husband....the husband may act all lovey dovey to outside wrold...

In OPs case hasnt the husband acting everything is ok infrontof the outside world when wife is giving him such hard time at home??...we dont know what is the real face of the person..(sometimes our own siblings change over time...)

By no means I am saying that the wife is right here! as CJ said she indeed sounds like a whiner,but what bothered me was, when this woman has/had so many issues and this guy was that unhappy how was he able to physically connect with her? the equation here was made complex when the nature of the wife was known from teh begining. please understand my thought process on why I asked some questions about having a baby. If people say that justbecause they both had sex mechanically and brought the kid in to the world...do you think that was right?? now even the if the husband wants to separate, do you think this wife will give him the easy option? why do we have to encourage such wrong things of having kids in dysfunctional marriages just for the heck of it? situations were different 10 or 20 yrs back, now a ddays life is so stressful and unless we understand our spouse if we step into something like this...whose life will end up more complicated?? the person i.e me who asked the question?? or the one who is in that situation?? i.e OPs brother?

There is surely a disconnect here...either this lady might have gone into severe post partum....husband is a doc, very busy schedule, wife is at home all the time, with a kid...seems more like she is doing this whining thing to get his attention....she is not getting it and day by day the abuse is escalating instead of making teh situation any better. she definitely needs some therapy and OPs brother definitely needs to spend more time with his wife n kid and I guess family counselling is needed here by explaining how things may end up if people dont make time for each other or how if they are living in this istuation, the kid may grow up to be

I rememeber reading the same kind of post jsut couple of weeks back, (sister posting about brother who is a doc and how he took out time for his family and how SIL was still unhappye tc..etc..)

 

Megha
Do urself a favor. Find another forum ...better still ask ur brother to talk to a lawyer.
You will battle with 50 pages of why this why that ,why you , stay out of ur brothers marriage posts before u can get an iota of help.

As CJ pointed out may be law is not that biased and they can give u concrete advises. MOst first consultations are free .My workplace has discounted legal service for its employees. Its a perk that most employees dont even realise they have. Ask ur brother to talk to his HR.

SV
FYI if people have to be "in love" before kids are born to couples in marriage....our country will not have a population of 1 billion.Lets get realistic here. And about why such "anti-DIL" posters never return...
may be its time we think about why ?