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A Peculiar Problem - Need Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KeerthDhan, Nov 15, 2019.

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  1. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    The women at the office has forgotten her boundaries for whatever reasons.

    Why are you both doing nothing about it?.. your husband is avoiding when he can and just facing when he can. You are angry but you are thinking of all other things. As you are just flying with the wind with grump faces and thats all, she is going with the wind too and continuing.

    You both haven't done anything firm or substancial... this is not winter weather that you wait and it will pass away.

    Be straight, firm and warn her that she WILL face consequences if she continues. Say her its NOT A JOKE and she will be sorry.

    You can easily make evidence and all, if you actually take the situation serious enuf.

    ACT.. both of you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
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  2. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone for taking time to post replies. I really appreciate it. I will reply when I get some time today. I am so grateful for all your inputs
     
  3. Dhamini

    Dhamini Platinum IL'ite

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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So what happened?
    She stopped being amusing and entertaining ?
    Became boring?

    May be she should up her game to keep it entertaining .


    Op...you are an amazing person.
    I can understand why your husband found it all amusing and entertaining ....but I can't understand why and how you found her amusing ?
    It is a little hard to believe a wife would let this pass and continue for so long .You have a lot of patience not just with her but also with your husband .
     
  5. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    All your questions make me think. Thanks to each one of you. We thought it is just an infatuation on her side and she will eventually realize and stop. The other reason is we both are passive in nature and try to avoid conflicts in any way. That’s just the way we are. Especially i am the most insecure, tolerant, overthinking person you will ever meet. That’s my biggest shortcoming. Even now I am surprised I am more worried about how she will make me look bad among our common friends for dejecting her. I must change. When coming to my husband’s part he is more concerned of the job situation. He himself has said many times that a similar incident happened when he initially joined the organization and even though only one person was at fault, they fired both of them citing some lame reason. They don’t tolerate all this. And it is not an everyday thing. She does something one day and then be quiet for some days which my husband always ignores. For some reason I lost my patience when she did the last time. Our entire finance , my job, our ability to stay in this country all depend on his job. Sorry for incoherence in my writing. I am not so good at expressing thoughts
     
  6. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    Also to add, we were so shocked to learn how bold she is to express her thoughts to him initially without fear of anything. To have some kind of attraction temporarily on a male coworker is not uncommon. But expressing that and trying to take it to next level was unbelievable for us. We just wanted to stay out of the mess without realizing we are getting deeper into the mess. My husband is usually very matured and level headed and he usually says how a third person thinks of him is none of his concerns. He thinks that is the way to deal with it.
     
  7. Dhamini

    Dhamini Platinum IL'ite

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  8. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Has your husband been so 'tolerant' to everything until now?

    Else he is just getting ego boost and using your insecurity to prolong it as long as possible.

    Because brave women give double ego boosts because they are brave ( sometimes stupidly brave) and they say it out loud. A women blatantly saying 'I am head over heels for you, you charming guy' is addictively hard to lose for a guy.

    If the answer to my question above was an yes... then I say again ... ACT both of you.
     
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  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I might be wrong but how can insecurity and tolerance exist together?
    If you are overthinking shouldn’t you have already thought about the consequences of being tolerant for 2 years towards such expressions of love regardless of the finances?
    Isn’t a woman expressing her feelings to your husband from past 2 years, enough to feel insecure and worried?
    Its your marriage at stake OP. If not this job your H can find another. Can’t he?
    For the sake of a job and social circle, with your tolerance you are unknowingly encouraging her.
    Did you realise that?
    Sorry but a man sharing the “expression of interest” from another woman and laughing about it with the wife, doesn’t sound right to me!
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
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  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Infatuation at work only happens in Bollywood movies . In real life, it is called sexual harassment.
    The longer you let this continue, the deeper the hole you dig for yourselves.
     
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