A No Means No

What is a NO?

When did a NO come to mean a coy Yes, a covert Yes.

How on earth does NO get graded into an assertive NO, a feeble NO (the learned judge's statement), selective NO, reluctant NO, an agressive NO, violent NO or abusive NO. We're not talking of a kiss, we're talking rape. A rape is a rape is a rape. What is a feeble ‘no’ ?? God's sake. Nobody, invited a rape. NO , could be feeble, even voiceless, if speech impaired or disabled, even comatose. How could an act be ethical or moral, if the protest is not vocal enough. It is so brutally unjust. This is exactly is what happens, when misogyny rules.

A nation brought up on sanskar and mythology, star crossed with movie masala and ****, where woman is either deitified devi, mata or objectfied selling mango pulp guised as (k)ama sutra.

Recall movie lines….. "pavitra naari" (pure woman) what's that supposed to be…. distilled water?? Ladki ke na mein haan hai?? Ladki hansi to phansi?? "Giri hui aurat "(fallen woman) etc., where the movies have set the tone of an average Indian male psyche. Brazen courtship of hero and heroine extend from eve teasing to near molestation, the girl's simpering smiles implying consent, accompanied to bees, butterflies and nodding flowers… somewhat indicative of sex, because, we prefer allegorical references and also, don't make out in our movies. Once married, she's stamped, sealed and delivered, all custodial rights transferred to the in laws. This arrangement, we're ageeable with, since any assertive tendency from the girl is seen upsetting the apple cart.

What Marital rape? There is no such thing as marital rape in our society. It doesn't happen in India. It is against our holy cows - sabhyata and sanskar….. period. No further arguments. Marriage is a sanctimonious arrangement for legitimised sex. Else we'll have brothel and whore house alongside pubs and parlours.

Who decides what a woman wants. If she doesn't want it, she has said it. Or is it still feeble, how does her NO come to mean a yes for sex and sex alone? Why are we so damnably hypocritical about denying a woman's her choices in life? Why should anything within marriage viewed as perfectly legal, if outside it isn't? Why must woman allow herself to be used abused and discarded as disposables?

Just read an article where a rape victim herself dissed off rape, “ it's only a rape stating there isn't any need for a collective social outrage. The case was apparently dropped by the court, in view of the victim's statements. A crime is a crime, whether committed individually, socially, or consensually; partners in crime, abettment of a crime, all constitute criminality. So it is not contextual to a particular crime alone. Any crime cannot not viewed in isolation in the terms victim per se, but, also society at large.

I remember a sensitive judgement that read “….. rape is a not only physical but an indelible psychological scar inflicted on the psyche of the victim”. Why is rape not seen as revolting enough for a male sensibility. Is it ‘boys will be boys’ attitude, or ‘choti si galati’, or ‘she invited it’ mindset ? Absolving a crime does not make it a lesser crime.

Judicial system is entrusted not only with the responsibility of the interpretation of law in letter, but, in spirit, too. A judgement is reflective of correcting an existing social malady, it is curative, an atonement of crime, a retribution of justice. Dispensing justice is seen as restoration of faith in an established social system.

Today we find criminality assimilated into our social fabric, our families and homes. We have come to live with injustices, creating a sort of self defensive mechanism that ‘it happens every where’, to lessen our angst. In the process we have created a social acceptability towards crimes. Our sensibilities are not repulsed enough when we see crime against women happening at our homes, work place, schools and colleges or public spaces. We have begun to live with enemy. Don't look away because it's not happening to you. Today, it's not you, but, tomorrow you may not be lucky. Nobody else is going to do it for us. Stand up for our sisters. Let us not abandon our mother, daughter, friend or stranger, ever, in need. Let us stand up for our women. Wake up to a new beginning.Stop looking for a messiah to deliver us, for he may not come. Damn the pink…. why are we associated with pink alone.... get radiant and choose a different colour, each time... every time. Each one... Reach one, to be One in spirit.

 

Happy to know that so many of us feel the outrage against misogynistic mindsets. Hopefully, next generation might see a more progressive society, more equitable man woman relationship.