1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

A moderately close friend took my concern wrong

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Version3NR, Jan 31, 2012.

  1. Version3NR

    Version3NR New IL'ite

    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I have a friend who I have known for 3 years already.We had no fight so far,and we used to discuss spirituality,food,hobbies etc,but not personal stuff.Her daughter is my daughter's best friend.Infact both of them love each other a lot.

    Problem happened when this frined told me that another lady "complained" about my friend's daughter's bossy nature towards her daughter.Otherwise, my friend's daughter is a damn sweet girl.She never behaves like that.She was furiuos for some days after that happened,that she used to hardly smile around people,saying that how dare that lady tell her how she should discipline her daughter....Then,my daughter started telling me that my friend's daughter had started fighting a lot with her,and also my friend started saying that she was wetting the bed,etc......I had full trust on the girl that even if she fights with my daugter,she wouldn't harm her.I love her too just like my daugter.And also,in this week,she was calling my daughter home a lot of times without her mother's knowldedge,which I was not aware that her mom didnt know. this girl is 5years,and my daughter is 4 years.

    While all these things started happeneing,I noticed that probably the girl was acting so differnt because she was missing her grandma(who had stayed with them for 2 months,and left few days back).I had also noticed the same attitude when my daugter was missing her dad when he was away for a month for an official visit. So,I was very concerened for my daughter's friend.......Then,I took the courage to tell her mom that same things my daugter was saying,and she seems to be missing her grandma or worried abt smthg else that she needs to find out....aND GUESS waht happened? Yep,she yelled at me like crazy saying as if I had complained about her daughter,she was offended...She repeated the same sentence that she said to the other lady asking me "are u trying to tell me that my daugetr isn't disciplined"..and lot of things.I was so taken-aback.Because I went with the concern,and ALSO kept it so,but she took me the opposite way.......Seriously,I FELT LIKE CRYING....

    then,she told about an incidence that happened 3 years back,that apparently I had told her that "your daughter doesnt mix up with others"..I told her that if i have told you that and IF that has hurt you(thought i wudnt have intended to hurt),I am sorry about that...

    then she went on telling sometihing that my ex-maid told her.That maid works for her now.Itseems the maid told that I had told something bad about this friend.I told her it wasn't true,and asked her if it is right,that she has been believing that maid instead of mine.She said that the maid never tells a lie.it really hurt me when she said that :)....

    No matter what I said,she went on shouting at me.She also put a message accorss to me saying that she doesnt want my daughter and her daughter mingling any more..........I left cooly,but only I cried a lot after reaching home......

    How do I deal with this situation?

    I thought to myself that she is sufferring from BP-Thyroid-Sugar and maybe thats why she burst out at me....else I am ready to frgive her.I dont understand why she thought so wrong about me.

    I also learnt a lesson that I shouldnt "advice" or show concern like that to a moderate friend.But I couldnt help it when I saw this littel girl in such a bad state,that I was worried for her,her daughter....

    Please suggest what relationship I should continue with this friend and what do I do about the 2 best friends,the little girls?
     
    Loading...

  2. abinayav

    abinayav New IL'ite

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi version3nr,

    Read your post. You seem to be very sensitive for a neighbour friend. You need not take it to heart too much. Mingling with neighbors is fine but you need not worry much about their personals. You tried ur level best to give life to your daughter's friendship and your friendship. And your part is over with that. Your neighbor lady seems to suffer from some kinda mental problems which could be due to menopause, sugar, etc.. Its better ifu keep yourself away from her. If you are really disturbed coz you could not talk to her , may be you can mail her in a detailed manner regarding what exactly happened. That might make her understand since she might read it patiently than listening to you directly. Please stop crying for such small things. It has got nothing wrong on u.. Just stay away from them and automatically things might set in place.
     
  3. jj009

    jj009 Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Version3Nr,

    Times have changed now. Gone are the days when people were not so sensitive about anything and took any advice with a grain of salt. Remember the days when we used to get scolded by our maternal, paternal uncles and aunties and parents could care less. Not anymore, they cannot take any kind of advice from their relatives, let alone friends. Kids are way too precious to their parents these days. So, any kind of negative feedback is taken as criticism. They start thinking something is wrong with their kid.

    So, yes, lesson learnt from this episode is never, ever give any advice, even if your intentions are good.

    Now, about your current situation, there is nothing you can do. Your friend may come back to her senses, if the pattern with her daughter continues. She may realize in the near future that you meant well. There is no use dwelling on the matter, you should move on. Your little girl will make more friends. Do not let all these things affect the kids.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    61
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    hi,
    These are small issues in parenting and also part of growing up in children.
    It looks like your friend thinks herself a perfect mother and dont need any advice even from friends.
    Keep distance for few days for your peace of mind..:)
    Dont let your daughter know/show about your strained relationship with her friend's mother..children will not understand these kind of elder's issues and may feel bad.
    Let the time pass things will be normal again dont worry.
    RGDS
     
  5. Version3NR

    Version3NR New IL'ite

    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks girlz! I shall remember !It was a good lesson for me. :)
     

Share This Page