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A Mans Story

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Madankrishna, Mar 1, 2017.

  1. Madankrishna

    Madankrishna New IL'ite

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    My name is Madan, married for 10 years and currently residing in Australia for several years now . Mine was a typical arranged marriage.
    Six months back she moved out.

    My question to you ladies is , Is she right in her actions. I understand that we live in times where at the drop of a hat a working, independent woman can walk out. But when do you really think your partner is insufferable and you take such drastic steps.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
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  2. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    Were you both raised in India or by outside the state do you mean another country - like Australia, etc.?

    It sounds like there were some long-standing issues that she never brought up and then just left without trying to resolve it for one reason or other. Why do you think she left in your opinion? What would have caused her to be so unhappy with your relationship? How did you show her that you had her best interests at heart, and how did she show you the same, if at all?
     
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  3. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    questions:
    1. who dropped the hat ?
    2. do you find women who work, and therefore become independent, get ideas about walking out ?​

    When insufferable ? when a woman walks out, that should be a good sign that her partner is insufferable.
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Women are not all the same. Everyone has their reasons and varying thresholds. Economic independence that women have is brilliant as it helps not put up with the kind of crap generations of women before put up with. Along with that though is a responsibility to make mature decisions.

    Not knowing your story one can only assume she had had enough. If the lines of communication between you both had been open, you'd probably know why.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Separating is a difficult decision for most women,independent or not.
    She gave it ten years.......I guess she didn't want spend the rest of her life in the same state.Happy people don't leave.
     
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  6. Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    She left after 10 years - You want us to judge her based on this statement.

    Did you not have any clue why she moved out? Had she not spoken to you about her problems/expectations? Did you work towards fixing it?

    When the action and the cause are missing, no one here can/will judge the reaction.

    About independent women moving out for a hat being dropped, your definition of hat and hers might differ. Also, please be informed that most of the women of yester-generation urge their daughters to study and become independent because they dont want their daughters to face the same fate as theirs.
     
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  7. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    For the record, your unedited post provided a lot more information where you said that the first few months had the "normal" difficulties with your parents / her in laws. You also mentioned that you were unhappy she had a relationship before you she didn't tell you about and that you felt misled that she was more innocent and just caring for her widowed mother while rejecting other men. It is easier to get a helpful response if you provide more information.
     
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  8. Madankrishna

    Madankrishna New IL'ite

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    Hello "cantdecide" , you have seen bit more of the backstory. It was interesting to see other responders pounce on the one fact that women today are educated and independent and rarely put up with the "crap" of yore. What they also fail to realize is that male partners of today also seek such capable spouses.
    Yet what at least my spouse didn't realize is the affect of her actions on her family and child. Her drive for independence is to have a career of her own while fully aware that her spouse in no way is an obstacle to that but has been a catalyst. She claims that she can achieve more by living alone. She fails to recognize that both of us should have a common goal and support each other. She has had no troubles from her in laws more owing to the fact that 90% of our married life we have been abroad. She also claims coz of the age difference of 6 years we do not think alike. And yes she had played the teasing game about her past relationship when a complete and honest disclosure at the beginning would have laid a stronger foundation. Despite all this I have still overlooked everything and been accommodative yet she has been stubborn. This is where it hurts when a woman keeps claiming that she has been at the receiving end when in fact an open and sincere expression that Yes She wants to love and live with this stranger that she married was needed.
    Someone here said maybe she had enough in 10 years and walked out. A physical presence of 10 years is not an investment in a marriage but an expressed desire and effort to make her partner to feel needed. Remember that we were both students to the institution of marriage and have to learn along the way.
     
  9. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Who has got that child now? What affect do you think her actions would have on her child ?

    If the lady says she is better off alone than with you, be a catalyst, and scat.
     
  10. Madankrishna

    Madankrishna New IL'ite

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    So Nonya, you espouse a woman breaking up her home for the sake of career that she can very well achieve within it when her actions are also spoiling a kids childhood. Are your suggestions based on personal experience?
     

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