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A Lady Avoided Conversation - As I'm On H4

Discussion in 'H4 Indian Ladies' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vedhavalli,

    Please don't be so fragile that others can hurt you this easily. In your shoes, I would be glad she moved on, if she is not trying to make friends with me for my personality. Give her the benefit of doubt like others have suggested - perhaps she was trying to find out how to get a job. I have been a stay at home mom intermittently and it always has been by choice. I quit working to take care of the kids. While at home, I had people tell me things like "you should start an at home day care to help working moms like us", "Hey you stay at home no, can you pick up my kid and keep him with you till I get back from work?" If the request is from a good friend, I would absolutely do but it was usually acquaintances and I would always tell them that I was busy and couldn't help. I also gave them a benefit of doubt and assumed their request was genuine and meant nothing else, even if it meant something. That helped me immensely. I also realized, if I don't take offense it helped get better to say no with more confidence - yes, you shouldn't let this affect your self esteem. You shouldn't be finding reasons or justifying your position to anyone.

    If you are asked questions like this, be upbeat about what you do and you can talk books you read, the me time you
    try to get out of the day, the new skills you are learning or the new dish you cooked - whatever you think made you happy for the day. If they say you have a lot of time for your child, please say "Yes and I absolutely love it!"

    I somehow felt that you were genuinely hurt, so chose to respond. I am sure you have many good friends and come across quite a few wonderful women. Give them the preference, even in your thoughts.
     
    Vedhavalli, Greenbay, Laks09 and 3 others like this.
  2. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    And oh to this comment,
    way back when I moved to US Amway was pretty popular and we would get bombarded with people asking me to join considering I was not working. One time we met a couple with a toddler and newborn in a temple, made friends and the husband would call us routinely and without fail. My DH was suspicious and started avoiding them but they persisted and so one time I took the call and asked them directly if they have anything do the said business. They were mortified and we eased a sigh of relief - 20 yrs fast forward we are still good friends! Touchwood!
     
    Vedhavalli, Greenbay, Laks09 and 2 others like this.
  3. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vedhavalli ,

    sorry to bombard you but in a different context while reading an advise column :facepalm: :biggrin: :facepalm:, I came across some advise that can applied to many of us though it was told in a different context. I wish I could get that concise and precise like in giving counsel, but then again, thank goodness I am not! I am still learning too....So here I quote -

    "If you react to the comments positively rather than defensively, your remarks would give you the opening to smile and tell these “conventional thinkers” how proud you are of your daughter’s decision to pursue her dreams."


    See, we can all apply this at some point in our lives!!

    Okay you will hear no more from me ...promise!!
     
    Vedhavalli, Greenbay and Laks09 like this.
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you... Your replies made me feel better.
     
  5. Anabalas

    Anabalas Senior IL'ite

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    DON'T YOU WORRY!
    There are few people behaving like that for the last twenty years. Just avoid them.
     
    anika987 likes this.

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