Hi all, Need ur valuable opinions on this. I am a full time working mom of 2 yr old. My office timings are comfortable for me and theres not much stress as of now. Touchwood! I get up make bf, lunch and sometimes dinner also and wake up DS and make him ready. Then around 9.30-9.45 i drop him at daycare near my house and travel to work in auto. Earlier i used to go by bus but nowadays im going by auto as i have to reach office on time and evening pick up my son also on time. So for these i need to go by auto and they charge within 200 rs per travel. Now recently my concers are that - 1. may be im not being good mother as im putting him in day care at the young age of 2 2. may be i should take a break/quit my job and dedicate my time for my son and his growth 3. may be im spending too much in autos may be i should get up early and complete all the works and start soon so that i can take bus atleast for one time travel 4. the last and most disturbing factor recently my mind is : im not being a good mother, like my mother! she had dedicated her entire time and life for me and my sister! but im not doing any good to my son im just putting him in day care and going to office this kills me daily seriously.. i feel bad everyday when he is crying in the morning time when i leave him in the day care... when he cries in the morning daily my heart shrinks i feel i must leave my job this very instant and take care of him ... in the evenings when i pick him up from day care , he comes smiling at me! But i dont know how to express my mind here.. i want to work and stay with my son, do both..dont want to send him to day care i know both r not possible together! both set of parents cant come to take care for various reasons.so dont give that suggestion. and i have few more questions : 1. if i leave my job and decide to sahm, then will i be made guilty of my choice by the people around me?? what if i feel i took wrong decision later on?!! im scared of this question 2. is this a feeling tht eveyone might come across and will fade away as my son grows??? 3. im not planning to work for the entire life.. and i have decided that i ll quit my job once my son grows into adolescent age, so that i can take care of him and his studies... now the confusion i have here is- whats the point in taking a break/quit when my son has grown big enuf to take care of himself???? the much needed time for him to be taken care by me is this time (i.e) 2yrs to 5/6yrs.. and am i doing foolishness by deciding to work in these small age of his and like a fool thinking to quit when he has grown up and faced all the loneliness by himself?????? please help me out of these confusions/guilt feeling i have as a working mom!
Do u have work from option ?? if its thr.. ask for ur employer.. Even U r kid will start going to play group in a year or so . Think all pros and cons.. if there is no such financial responsibiltyon u .. .. I will say take a break for 6 - 8 months.. n then start again without any guilt.. n kids cry when u leave.. But they will adjust thr in 15 - 20 mins.. n then they happily play n enjoy...keep checking with ur daycare..
In my opinion, if there is no financial burden, you can take a break till he goes to school. After that he will get busy and you may have to sit idle.So 2-3 years now should work the best for you. As you said, you quitting your job during his adolescence may not be as helpful as it will be now.
It depends on how much your income is important to your family. If you have financial responsibility think twice before quitting. also he is already 2, in another 1 1/2 yr you can put him to school and go to work. Also children do cry whenever we leave them for school or day care. Even we have a hidden tear whenever we leave our parents home so this will continue for a long time. The security given by the presence of a mother is something different. If ur DH supports you to quit and take care of DS then better. Otherwise, you may end up hearing taunts from all especially in laws. Just a warning, i dont know ur case. Dont be emotional when taking decisions, take time analyse the prons and cons and give credits to each of them. May be u can arrive at a better solution.
Hi Bdivya I can completely understand the guilt part. I left my 15 month old with my mil and started my own business. Mothers always have guilt.. Some working mothers feel, they arent spending time with their kids while some sahm feel they aren't giving nutritious food. Some feel they are short tempered and many feel guilty about not being able to guide them in studies or give them the educational opportunities that they like........endless examples. Moms guilts are of various types. But the Common thing is that all moms feel guilty and inadequate. It's inbuilt on our system. I wonder if dads also feel this kind of guilt though !!!!!! Regarding giving up your career....just for a moment think of yourself without the kid in picture. Do you have career ambition, did you ever felt like you need to have a career in your life.... If answer is yes then continue working. But if you don't have that inclination then quit. Kids actually are flexible for anything... They take intial bit of time to adjust. Since your kid us already 2 years. This would be the best time to continue the job if that is what you really like. One more problem is that 3 or 4 year old kids are more likely to oppose mamma starting to go back to work since they are more matured when compared to 2 year olds. There are threads which say thatkids staying at daycare are much more independent that kids that come back home. I feel you need to think what you want to do. Some ladies would have studied hard or worked hard at their career and feel difficult to give up. Many ladies would have never thought of working as they would be content as sahm. It's very relative to each individual. I feel most Indian moms mostly sacrifice so much of their needs for the kids happiness and same time expect their kids to obey their orders since they have sacrificed.Just because you work doesn't make you a bad mom. And just because sahm stay at home give all attention to kids. Instead enjoy your life to the fullest according to your wishes and let the kid also enjoy his life according to his. Just my 2 cents. Regards, Cliona
You 've not mentioned about your financial status, is your earning important to both of you? 1.In the present scenario using day care facilities is not wrong or nothing to feel guilty. Its good to put them for half a day.kids get lot of friends there n play. Even though we keep them at home, we cant engage them fully. I have found myself drained of ideas to keep them engaged.so its a good idea. 2. To bring up 2 year old kid n concentrate on his growth, its enough you spend some 2 or 3 hours concentrating on what you want to teach him. Manners,or what ever 3.life is to live. Why do you want to feel guilty in fetching an auto. It all depends on you earning.spending 200 rupees per day so average 6k per month, if that s not an issue, go a head. Be comfortable n enjoy your ride Your next set of questions 1.you 'll be made to feel guilty of what ever decision you take. Be a sahm or working .you take the call n decide. No intruders. Make your decision firm .no looking back 2.yes. my mom was a working mom.she used to stay I used to stand near the door n keep looking for her coming.even I have rolled on the ground that I 'll go with her. I have quarreled with everyone on my street who would come to rescue me .it 'll all pass by. Don t worry. Every working woman faces it 3.growing child will demand your attention all the years till they finish schooling.when kid goes to school, what will you do at home? You should weigh the pros n Cons and decide.I know people who say I 'll quit the job when my kid grows big n still they continue working. The independence you get while working is addicting. If you feel to quit when your son grows, its better to quit now provided your Financial background is good. If you wish to continue , then keep doing it. Sahm or working, choice is yours. Enjoy doing it.no guilt feeling. You can t be and will not be mean to your son. Don t worry
Divya, I am full day working mother of two kids, whose both kids go to daycare since they were 10 month (one is 5 year old and another si 1.5 year old). My thoughts are inlined below
Dear OP, I can understand your struggle. Options - 1. Asking your employer for WFH option, if it's available 2. If there is no much financial burden, then take a break (unpaid long leave) from work for 1 year till your son starts his school & you can resume your job later. 3. Ask your DH to drop you at office, so that you can save time & money. First of all, it's your life, take a decision as per your comfort, convenience and financial situation, you don't have to bother about what others say. Others will just pass comments, but they are not going to help you in any way in your current situation.
Thank you for all your replies.. As many suggested for WFH option, its not available with my current client.. Im more concerned/feel emotional about how he takes the day care concept by himself! Whenever i feel guilty i always imagine him standing near the gate and making a sad face and waiting for me This even though imaginary , still make me dull through out the day!! Now the last point that i had mentioned is making me go mad and more confused after reading all replies.. i really am not sure if this is his age that i should dedicate for my son and look after him (2yrs to 5yrs) ???? Or i should dedicate my time for him at his adolescent age??????? Im getting confused thinking-should i spend time now or later with him?? what if I leave him in day care when he too small and cries daily?????? Whats the point in making him cry daily while he is going to day care and me going to office by letting him cry Please someone (who has overcome such a situation) help me in deciding which phase of my son i should stay with him all the time?????? And during which phase i can go to office??????? Earlier i was sure that i should stay with my son during his adolescence phase and guide him through good and bad...I had earlier decided that during that age i should quit my job and stay with my son... But now when i see him crying daily in the morning, my heart aches I m not sure if im doing the right thing by putting him in day care at this small age when he needs my care and attention most. Please help me ladies.
