A Former Lover Is Back After 15 Years..feeling Drawn..what Do I Do?

Is he married ? I did not read it if I have missed I don't know..
u feel to meet him n u feel for him and if u end up with him u will be ruining his married life n that gals life .. what if he has kids ...

This does not mean u don't deserve second chance or happy life definitely u deserve but look for the right one .. don't get in rush just to get out of the one u have..

 

Pls dont fall for temporary emotions. He is married and dont be an extras/afters. I find this as a self-destructive mode not as a pleasure mode. Better to nurture your interests and re-live along with your children. Quit him. Think- Think and Re-think.

 

Nice, creative and so apt!!

 

Madras2018 your post is so refreshing and practical .. I second your advice..
One thing you can learn is you need to make decisions that will make you happy.. Cheating is generally wrong because it is a breach of trust, it can hurt your partner. We all have a duty to not hurt our partner and maintain the trust. However in cases where you are living a loveless marriage, neglected and abandoned, you have a duty towards yourself to keep yourself happy. If you are getting the happiness from this guy then you should end your marriage and move on with this ex of yours

 

Hello, I completely relate to you. I am a guy and i faced similar situation.
I had been in a loveless marriage for a long time, later i got connected with my ex who was married by now but the emotions remained. I never cheated on my wife but my wife assumed that I had been in relation with my ex even after marriage and now things began to fall apart. There was nothing that could convince her and this went on for about a year. Now the same situation arose like that of yours, she met a guy who used to flirt with her before we got married, she enjoyed his attention and wanted to get married to him but couldn't because he was from different caste. She then began spending lots of time chatting with him and fantasizing how beautiful life would have been.

NOW THE CATCH.

1) Imagination is not reality. Just because someone showed so much interest in you does not mean he would be interested in you forever. There are many guys who are obsessed with a girl and treat them just as a trophy. They forget everything after they have achieved it, and mostly woman fall for such guys assuming that he would be a awesome guy if he continues to do the same thing forever.

2) All that glitters is not Gold. And Happiness is relative. We are very much impacted by things going around us and what we see on television, love and romance seems to be so beautiful. But reality is not that, life is a struggle and we need to find pleasure in that.

3) We need to introspect. Many times we fail to realize that a small change in our-self could make a lot of difference. We are sometimes adamant and do not wish to make a change in our self while our partner silently wishes that his/her partner could just change a bit.

To continue, i caught her affair and we used to fight regularly. She finally decided to part ways and stay with him. This guys wife was in different country and didn't know whats going on back home. I then decided to give her time to decide. They moved in together but within a month she realized that he is not the same sweet guy, he had changed and all that he wanted was her body. Then after all the cries and apologies we are back together thinking that if we had just changed few things in our-self we could have got the one we were dreaming of. Nevertheless the wound will remain forever.

Now you decide. If at all you are very positive that he would be the one for you, then better break up with your husband and marry him. I think a secret affair is not bad idea because it will give you a hint of how things would go on. but usually affairs are always sweet and exciting and wouldn't really tell you what the reality is, and as you mentioned little happiness is not bad idea provided you dont mess things up. If your hubby is open minded you could openly talk with him and ask him to help you out of this situation. I dont know if he would give you consent and freedom for you to decide what is best. Finally do what you feel is right for you. whats the use of living a sad life and dying unhappy.

 

I agreed with most of what you had to say but found myself questioning the veracity of the story about your wife. In a previous thread you mentioned that she is a village girl who was sorely lacking attention from you and chatted with a few male friends on her phone - no physical affair. You mentioned she treated you well and that she had a traditional mindset. Naturally it begets the question of how such a person could have left her husband to move in with her lover. It seems too radical, too out of character for the person you described as your wife in your previous thread. So is this a tale of fantasy ?

 

Well Maam, I wouldnt like to defend you neither prove myself but would like to clarify a bit. My wife was raised in a small town, and she aint a villager like those ladies going in the fields and working, shes pretty educated. I think in today's India men arent so narrow minded as you would wish to believe. I personally feel the best a man could give his woman is the gift of freedom, freedom to decide and choose her source of happiness just putting someone in bondage isn't the best thing for the couple. So live and let live. Regarding fantasy, i cannot restrict your perception, you may perceive whatever you wish to.

 

Little pleasures will lead to BIIIIGGGG problems. So, please do not make any big move untill you are officially out of the current marriage. If you are in a loveless marriage, try to find the reasons and work on it. So, please dont trap yourself into new emotions as this side is bright to you bcz marriage life is dark.

 

You clearly know what to be done.. be rigid and try to work on it