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A Former Lover Is Back After 15 Years..feeling Drawn..what Do I Do?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dhimati, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to you op, I understand very well the pain and emptiness of being in a loveless marriage, but don't you think you deserve something better than a man who atmost can make you a mistress and not more than that. Being tied down to one jerk is enough, don't find yourself another one. Its not too late now, you are not very deeply involved, put an end to it.
     
    shri0218 and yellowmango like this.
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....if you had just met someone new in life who made you yearn for his love and care ,then most people would tell you to get out of your loveless marriage and find love with him.

    This guy made you uncomfortable. You left this guy because you did not want to marry him .He is the same guy . You rejected him for marriage . He cannot even offer you that now. At most you will be a hidden dirty affair for him.

    In this world of revenge **** and revenge disclosures...you should be vary of this guy. He exhibited behavior before that made you uncomfortable.Infact you should be very careful of what you write to him or say on the phone.
    If it was someone new ,single and available, things would be different.
     
  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm working through the list, and it's a real test to my marriage. Its not pushy, but it's definitely opening my eyes on what a marriage should be (and what my marriage is not). I wish I read it earlier.
     
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  4. dhimati

    dhimati New IL'ite

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    Such an amazing post Madras 2018. It feels so nice just to know someone is out there ,who have read my mind correctly and have taken the trouble to share such valuable perspective. Thank you, indeed
     
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  5. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Please also look up Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner. You can thank me later for saving your life. JK !;)

    And no, its not that kind of intimacy. Refers to emotional kind.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2018
  6. dhimati

    dhimati New IL'ite

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    Thank you Bhumibabe for your recommendation. I'll definitely go through it. I doubt if we could keep it in a platonic level, though that would be an ideal situation. To be honest, I do not care much about how my husband would feel but I am definitely concerned about his wife. So probably that would give me the strength to come out of this
     
  7. dhimati

    dhimati New IL'ite

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    Yes, Shreema..I too feel the same.Thank you
     
  8. resa

    resa New IL'ite

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    In college we had friends and at that time we helped them get to do few things. Always thought they get happily ever after.But her father rejected the boy saying he is still struggling and she got married though we friends thought if they could elope but there parctical problem,parents....nothing happened they both seperated. The girl left all contacts and cut her off with all of us.
    But Naveen(the boy) we are all still friends and now he is very good position with extremely successful position with a wife and daughter. He loves his wife and mostly shares evrything(not love story ) and sometimes he wonders how life would have been if he married Sanjana(the girl) . One day we had a huge row friends got divided about trying to get contact with the Sanjana. Finally when we said will he be ok with being friends how he was with rest of the gang?
    The problem would be if he cheats on Swathi(his wife)..he got angry because we thought he would cheat.
    But its possible....Anyway he thought to stay away because he was scared too as he may not be able to treat her (they had physical relation too) as he treats us.Attending functions, partying with our husbands....

    your Ex may be nice man like my friend.But even if its like friends you would be waiting for messages or few snippets from him which would make you unhappy. As the history says affair never gets well normally girls (may be because of emotional thing) bound to hurt.

    As you are in unhappy state of marriage any attention would make you feel. If children are involved its a huge mess.
    But Divorcing is not going to work. You may be willing but he may not or even if you both got truly can u think he is best man...dreams and imagination is lot rosier than reality.
    I wish you all best and take your time to think and talk to him atleast you would get some persepctive of what is thinking.
     
  9. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    This.
     
  10. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    This whole thing is a process.
     

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