A Former Lover Is Back After 15 Years..feeling Drawn..what Do I Do?

Op..I doubt any one here is going to advise you to cheat.
You have to decide what you risk losing. Whether that risk is worth it.

You rejected him. Men don't take that easily.
How do you know he is not coming back for revenge?
How do you know he is not doing this so that he can break your heart and dump you?
How do you know he won't destroy your life.

You want to play with fire.
Understand the risks involved in doing that.

Do you have kids?
Do you work?
Are you willing to live with the guilt of destroying his family ,although that is his responsibility?
You know he has a thing for you and you are baiting him to cheat on his family.

You say you got cheated...your husband cheated with another woman?
Are you sure you are not tempted because you feel what is okay for him is okay for you.

How did you both get over the cheating or how did you deal with it?

 

You guessed it right. It is temptation. He is determined to have the relationship which you once denied him... what is his motive?
Physical relationship? Or what?

Are you asking us for support to cheat your husband or his wife, not sure.. hope venting here might have helped you. Look like he is looking for a relationship behind his wife..you are simply a tool. If he cannot love or respect his wife or kids, do you think he can love you.

There are two options.

Don't allow the past , which is a ghost, to affect your present or future.. have you thought about your kids. If he can come to your work place, slowly everyone guess what it is.. So completely cut off all contacts with him and stop him right there if you want a dignified life..be a good role model to your kids. Be a person of integrity. Stay away from him.

If not, ask him to get a divorce from his wife, you can also get one, then both of you marry and lead a good life.. But remember , reality will be totally different from fantacies... you may get good life or bad life... no one can predict it..

All other options are like having EMA behind your husband's / his wife's back as this not a friendship, but more than that. He may use you and then dump you .Taking revenge?.. that's also possible..

So think well about the kind of future you want.. you will get an answer. Good luck.

 

Such relationships which rebounds after all these years will fizzle out faster than you can imagine. You both were never destined to be together so accept it and move on. Such EMA which you are calling as "little pleasure for yourself"is not ethical in a married life and this will have long lasting negative consequences not just for you but your family as well. How did you feel when your H cheated on you? In spite of being in a loveless marriage , you decided to stick to this marriage for some reasons (kids,security). So how come after all these years you are thinking of letting it all go for some guy who is also cheating on this wife. Even if you start something with him now, do you think it will be all fancy in the long run? When the initial steam blows off, it will be very ugly and bitter so are you ready to face that? Ultimately, in this mess, you will be the one left with nothing because these kind of guys who are cheating on their wives will find someone else for fun.

You are an adult so whether you decide to indulge in EMA or divorce your spouse to start afresh with him , which I highly doubt , either way think about your families first.

 

If being fiercely ethical is a must
Don’t give in to the lust
Even though the idea seems Zabardast
Your “lover” is not worthy of trust
Two marriages will be reduced to dust
So, Work on your own marriage first !


You chose not to marry him when he was single and insanely in love with you. If you didn’t take the chance then , you have no right to pursue him now that he is married. Morally, ethically wrong wrong wrong!!!!

 

Nice poem!

 

Never cheat. If you must be with someone else, then first divorce your husband.
This guy's love is not real, Suddenly he is willing to cheat on his wife for an old crush- can you be happy with such a person? He comes across as highly immature.

I feel since you are in a very unhappy marriage , you are not able to think properly and getting tempted even if you know it is wrong. If you were not in bad state of mind, you would have judged properly, so first deal with your marriage issues and become emotionally stable. It could be positive or negative(divorce) but first deal with it. Never cheat - there is no justification for cheating in marriage , whether husband is good or bad.

 

Don't beat yourself so much.
This is just a temptation, a passing cloud.
Don't give so much attention to this feeling.

It happens, specially when you meet with "those times" best buddies. That too, when your own marriage lacks any sparks or affection, it is natural to feel tempted towards those buddies, who are close to your heart.

As an adult, you know the consequences of it. So tread it carefully.
It is not wrong that you have dropped him a mail, apologized, met him, and exchanged a few e-mails.
Now that you have to draw a line.
He can continue to be your friend, or an on-line buddy with limitations.
Don't cross the line, don't disturb his and your marriage.
Don't try to find all the lost happiness of your marriage in him..
If this is your intention, then you are on a wrong train. You must get down quickly and find your path.

 

Do not give importance to these kind of emotions. They do not last for long. You may be trying to make a comparison between your husband and this guy. But how sure are you that life may be better if you quit everything and go behind this guy. This is not a fairytale and You won't get transformed to a magical world. You may need to face quite a lot of challenges ( much more than those you may be facing now). Do not get yourself into a deeper trouble.

You don't need to be hostile to this guy. Just turn down his offer.

You need not be an ideal wife but you be true to yourself - your conscience.

We are not always gifted with people whom we get along all the time. We accept how our parents are, our siblings are, relations are. Likewise just accept how your married life is and invest your time in implementing the ideas that you may have for your progress. Don't let your mind digress. All the best!

 

Wow!!