Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, Mar 7, 2016.
made by mistake....
I agree that it is extremely difficult to bring up challenged children.The last two sentences made me think retrospectively of what happened in 1965.I was 24.My friend had two sons,the elder one had muscular dystrophy, a great challenge to be brought up.He had nil vision.The second child was hale and hearty.The first child was immobile, used to urinate in the cane chair where he used to sit normally.The younger one could not understand the problem.He also started doing whatever the elder son did and became adamant and uncontrollable.Having known the fact that the first child has an incurable disorder and no treatment could bring him back anywhere even near 30% normalcy,she wanted at least her second son to come up in life.Any mother would feel like this. She and her husband had no parents with whom one of the children could be entrusted.
She discussed the issue for one long year with so many doctors,psychiatrists and others.They were not rich enough to leave the child in a special home.After three months the elder child passed away leaving so many queries to be answered.It was made up to be a natural death.
Having brought up the child for nine long years, as a mother what she would have felt? She wanted to do justice at least to the younger son by taking care of him well, educating him and make him settle in life.
Now my friend is not alive.She passed away at the age of 76.She saw to it that her son became an ortho surgeon, had a flourishing practice in Chennai and settled well. She was happy that she had done justice to motherhood..Outsiders view such cases in various angles.Nobody knew the sufferings she underwent.
It is a fact that certain disorders have no cure at all.The patients die after 40 years having spent their entire life in bed.No amt of initiative or sacrifice could be of any use.
I had gone to their house both when the child was alive and after the demise of the child.After grieving for one or two months my friend became calm and diverted her entire attention to the second child.She had confided all the wavering thoughts and confusions running in her mind for one long year until she decided something.
There are unanswered questions:whether the second child would have settled well even if the first child was alive?What is the probability of the 2nd child following the odd behaviour of the first child?
Many may argue that it was the mother's wrong imagination that the first child would be an impediment for the growth of the second child.
Being a working mom one can realise how difficult it is to leave a totally challenged child with servants.
All the dwarfs do not become tall.
@sdiva20, 'abandon' means? In a garbage bin? Or left somewhere with low or zero chance of being found by anybody? Then yes, they are failures as a human being. The rest can be clubbed under 'gave up for adoption' or 'gave up to people/institution capable of better caring for the child'
Thank you Latha.
Hmmm.. This post has made me share about myself. (which I seldom do).
I was born with a Physical Deformity too. That too being a girl my relatives suggested that I should be killed. They said I can never get married and may never be able to lead a successful life. My parents did not agree to it. Actually they even broke ties with my uncle who was adamant that I should be killed.
My parents brought me up equal like my sisters. I was actually brought up more bold and and independent. I did my Post graduate in Business Admin .. got married to a loving handsome guy and have a beautiful loving daughter.
I was not even made to feel that I have a deformity. I never feel that I am different until someone comments seeing my deformity....that God has blessed them !!! I used to feel like saying.. Hey !! Even I am blessed. !!! But I used to just smile and nod my head. At least I make someone realise that they indeed are blessed ..
I wouldn't say that I was never made feel inferior by my peers at school or by my relatives . I have had my share of insults and hurts. I used to cry silently ..but became more stronger.. All credit goes to my parents and sisters for what I am today. And my loving husband.... Every woman would die for a husband like him. God always takes special care of special kids like us.. stays close to them..give them the strength to face life and sets them as example for others to appreciate all that they have.
To clarify, abandon means not having the moral fortitude to take care of the child one brought into the world especially because the parents deemed the child less than perfect. If the child did not have an "issue" the parents would not have abandoned, correct? If the answer is no, then in my opinion it is equivalent to leaving an innocent baby in garbage bin. But I do agree, it is better that a child is in care of people who will make them feel loved and wanted rather than indifferent parents.
Moreover, why be flippant about a serious issue? Did you really not understand the word "abandon" in the context I was using?
In Rossie's example above, and in every one's as well , it is great parents that teach us what love is.....I think love is not about being there when when everything is perfect. If a parent's love is pure and unconditional (as it is supposed to be), then they should hold their child's tighter when times are tough. That is the true test. Abandoning and walking away during tough times is not being a loving parent.
Well said diva.True that is the real meaning of parents.I want to share one more real story.
My H's cousin has 2 kids both born normally.when the second kid got high fever after delivery because of Doctor's negligence he became completely paralyzed physically and mentally. He is immobile,no talk nothing.just like a thing on bed and one should be with him always.Both the parents work but they look after the kid very well with the help of their siblings.Now the kid has 12 years old with good looks but he recognizes his parents and brother only.I really appreciate parent's unconditional love and respect them.
Please don't say Thank you. I have to say Thank you for sharing so many things with us and I'm lucky to get the opportunity to read your posts.
@sdiva20 I asked about the meaning of 'abandon' to make sure, and not to be flippant. It is a sensitive topic, so didn't want to assume.
If a child is left in a place with the intention that it should not be discovered and should die, that is reprehensible. If a woman, man or a couple, give up a child, for me that falls under 'don't judge until you walk a mile in their shoes.' Doesn't matter if it is a teenager giving up his/her child, a well-to-do couple balking at taking care of a physically or mentally challenged child, or any reason in between.
Parents who take care of a child with challenges, and bring up the child to the best of their ability, deserve special applause, acknowledgement and hats off to them. They are really great examples of human beings.
There are some who cannot step up to that level of greatness, I think, greatness need not be prescribed to them or thrust on them.
What you say is true.God opens another door for the challenged.You are blessed with nice parents, understanding husband and a great child.God bless you.
My nephew decided to marry a physically challenged girl. He did and both are happy with a normal son.We feel proud to see him help his wife in all activities and the girl showing regard and reverence to one and all in the family.It is rare to see that type of understanding and cooperation in normal families.The girl is a post graduate in Maths with University rank, affected by polio in both her legs.She could walk only with limp.Now she has a special three wheeler( self driven) ,is held in high esteem in the office.She is a charming well mannered girl and holds responsible post in the bank..