6yr Old Using Less Words And Has Social Issues...any Suggestions?

AnooSA · Apr 6, 2017

Rihana said: ↑

Think of that game as something that showed you that he can talk if needed or if he wants to. But, in the longer run, better to not tie a monetary award to him talking and greeting people. Or, even any other reward. Been there, done that. The amount was $20. I was quite desperate. : )

In addition to the many activities suggested above, one thing you can do is talk with him about whatever he likes. If he likes to read some books, read them with him or separately, and then talk about the book. The story, how the ending could have been different, why the characters did something. What would happen if characters from two different books met. What could be a sequel to the book.

If he likes something else, like Pokemon, get to know enough about it. Read it up. Talk about that with him. The idea is to have him talk about things he has an interest in. Then, when he feels the need to talk more with others, he will do it.

Some group activities like martial arts or Cub Scouts might be worth trying. Or recreational basketball. It will help him interact with more kids, and finally it only takes one friendship to change a less-talker into a more-talker. Not that there is anything wrong with continuing to be a less-talker!

Keep in touch with teachers and your pediatrician, but finally, go by your gut instincts too. Good Luck. Going by your description, it seems to be just a phase, and he simply needs more time. My son was somewhat like that till about 10 yrs age. Now, a bit older, he once addressed a group of 15 people without practicing much before.
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Hi Rihana,
Thank you for responding... The quarter game is really helping since some of my neighbors voluntarily tell me, he greets them whenever he sees them and he collects all this money to buy books from school book fair... so, i'll keep it going for some more...But, like you said, i should stop bribing him else will become the norm...

I and his teacher are both working to get him read fiction books He says he doesn't like fiction and readily dismisses them...brings back human body and solar system based books from library all the time
I find it really boring to discuss all this with him...I tell my husband sometimes, based on his reading habit, he'll one day become a famous person so let me get into his good books so he'll attribute his success to me ...lol

In the name of teaching my daughter, i ask him to read some fiction books and explain to her... he seem to like it...
He also likes some disney and hot wheels cartoons, so getting those books for him...
Good to know about your son...Even though i was an extrovert, was afraid of Public speaking...i think vice-versa is better

I hope what you said happens
"and finally it only takes one friendship to change a less-talker into a more-talker"

Thank you!

guesshoo · Apr 6, 2017

You have a lot of suggestions here. Something that could help him open up is drama classes.

Or you could choose an age appropriate book and get him to read a chapter or two aloud everyday with expression. That should help his words flow.

Play hot-seat game with him - he'd be a character from a book. You throw questions at him and he has to respond as that character. Eg. If he's the little bear from the goldilocks story, ask him how he feels when the chair is found broken or when he sees a little girl on his bed or even how the weather was when he went on a walk that morning etc.

Such games will help unlock his communication skills instead of merely telling him to talk more.

As far as reward goes, giving stickers or stars for everytime his talking impresses you would be better. Choose a gift for when he gets, say 20 stars. Let him work towards achieving it.

AnooSA · Apr 6, 2017

guesshoo said: ↑

You have a lot of suggestions here. Something that could help him open up is drama classes.

Or you could choose an age appropriate book and get him to read a chapter or two aloud everyday with expression. That should help his words flow.

Play hot-seat game with him - he'd be a character from a book. You throw questions at him and he has to respond as that character. Eg. If he's the little bear from the goldilocks story, ask him how he feels when the chair is found broken or when he sees a little girl on his bed or even how the weather was when he went on a walk that morning etc.

Such games will help unlock his communication skills instead of merely telling him to talk more.

As far as reward goes, giving stickers or stars for everytime his talking impresses you would be better. Choose a gift for when he gets, say 20 stars. Let him work towards achieving it.
Click to expand...

Hi Guessho,
Thank you for your suggestions... I'll do some serious role play in the coming days trying to make it more fun ......

Sachini · Apr 12, 2017

Dear Anoosa, boys interests slightly vary from girls. I too hav a 6 yr old, so can understand. He also likes to read about solarsystem n science related things. So its absolutely normal and engage him in those conversations though it might be boring just ask a few questions and let him explain like whats a black hole? Or What plants need to grow? . Don bother about it being absolutely correct. Let him speak up.
Try questioning him in a way where he has to answer in sentences than a single word. Ask him what he wants to become in future and why so?
Try interacting more with him or bring him into conversationeven when you are interacting with your lil one.
A very good aspect is your daughter keeps questioning him and definitely this will improve his interaction . Encourage both in this and allot lot of time for it. Ask him to explain her whatever interests both.In way you can be spared of all the science stuff by directing him to teach those to your daughter.
The key point is try interacting more and more in way he has to answer in detail. Its your ( family as a whole)valuable time that can bring in the desired change.
Hope this will also help apart from what our friends have suggested.

butterflyice · Apr 12, 2017

Some great suggestions here.

I grapple with the same problem. I do not agree with the view that he is perhaps an introvert, so its probably okay to talk less! Introvert or not, everyone has to be able to present their views in a compelling, creative fashion to succeed in life. That's how the world works. As an introvert myself, I have had to spend lots of time and energy in the "talking" department. And I believe it holds good for my son as well.

One of the things that I have been emphasizing with my kids is to talk in full sentences. Of course, it doesn't happen all the time. But constant reminders over two years has finally started to work. One word answers are rude, people don't like talking to rude people - this is what I literally tell my son. Now, this is the norm in Western culture whether we agree with it or not. I let them do single word answers in native language though.

Coming to native/vernacular language, if your kid speaks your mother tongue and is raised outside of India, its going to take some time to develop fluency in speaking both languages. The fact that someone does well at school is beyond the point. Speaking clearly in well-modulated tone is not a skill that is taught in many schools these days. So as parents we have to step in and offer opportunities to develop the Art of Speaking.

We do mock group discussions at the dinner table sometimes. I will throw in a topic and ask my son what he thinks about it and why he thinks the way he does. Something like the US Elections or the budget cuts in school district budget. Mind you, these are topics that I do not know his opinion about before the discussion. But I do know that he has some information on those topics coming in from school and society. If he does not know anything about the topic, I explain what it means. I did have to prompt him using questions, if and or scenarios and so on.

The story cubes is a wonderful suggestion. It hasn't worked with my son, but I can see its unlimited potential. I also have my kids read aloud some times and have them summarize the content. We still have lots of work to do on making it a compelling presentation. One more thing assigned to the Summer.

Shanvy · Apr 12, 2017

@AnooSA my son is a voracious reader but likes fiction less. He is 18+ and still does not like fiction. His elder sister loves fiction. Even as a kid my son used to be interested only if I could make the fairy tale interesting. If it was Arabia, I had to include where Arabia was the dress culture the currency food habits and more. Yes I agree it is lot of hard work but it has made him so thirsty for knowledge and he loved Wikipedia, dictionary more. And give him non fiction like Mitch albom, Paul coelho, robin sharma or Osho he loves to read them Andy he would read the book more than x times and when I used to ask him why, he would say it gave him a different perspective. Some days he makes me wonder is he a old soul in a young man.just kidding.

Keep the curiosity and the thirst to explore going, and these are the kids that emerge focussed on their personal goals given the freedom to nourish them.

The take away from being updated to keep up with my young man is me always on a learning mode and learn and read and we have a lot of discussions and it has helped a lot.

P.s I was a kid of very few words. You had to pay me to talk and now I need to be paid to stop somedays.

AnooSA · Apr 12, 2017

butterflyice said: ↑

Some great suggestions here.

I grapple with the same problem. I do not agree with the view that he is perhaps an introvert, so its probably okay to talk less! Introvert or not, everyone has to be able to present their views in a compelling, creative fashion to succeed in life. That's how the world works. As an introvert myself, I have had to spend lots of time and energy in the "talking" department. And I believe it holds good for my son as well.

One of the things that I have been emphasizing with my kids is to talk in full sentences. Of course, it doesn't happen all the time. But constant reminders over two years has finally started to work. One word answers are rude, people don't like talking to rude people - this is what I literally tell my son. Now, this is the norm in Western culture whether we agree with it or not. I let them do single word answers in native language though.

Coming to native/vernacular language, if your kid speaks your mother tongue and is raised outside of India, its going to take some time to develop fluency in speaking both languages. The fact that someone does well at school is beyond the point. Speaking clearly in well-modulated tone is not a skill that is taught in many schools these days. So as parents we have to step in and offer opportunities to develop the Art of Speaking.

We do mock group discussions at the dinner table sometimes. I will throw in a topic and ask my son what he thinks about it and why he thinks the way he does. Something like the US Elections or the budget cuts in school district budget. Mind you, these are topics that I do not know his opinion about before the discussion. But I do know that he has some information on those topics coming in from school and society. If he does not know anything about the topic, I explain what it means. I did have to prompt him using questions, if and or scenarios and so on.

The story cubes is a wonderful suggestion. It hasn't worked with my son, but I can see its unlimited potential. I also have my kids read aloud some times and have them summarize the content. We still have lots of work to do on making it a compelling presentation. One more thing assigned to the Summer.
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Thank you...I've noticed the "rude" reaction and also surprised how much they know on US politics/presidents even at 6yrs...
The dinner table talking is a great way... I'm slowly implementing all of these

AnooSA · Apr 12, 2017

Shanvy said: ↑

@AnooSA my son is a voracious reader but likes fiction less. He is 18+ and still does not like fiction. His elder sister loves fiction. Even as a kid my son used to be interested only if I could make the fairy tale interesting. If it was Arabia, I had to include where Arabia was the dress culture the currency food habits and more. Yes I agree it is lot of hard work but it has made him so thirsty for knowledge and he loved Wikipedia, dictionary more. And give him non fiction like Mitch albom, Paul coelho, robin sharma or Osho he loves to read them Andy he would read the book more than x times and when I used to ask him why, he would say it gave him a different perspective. Some days he makes me wonder is he a old soul in a young man.just kidding.

Keep the curiosity and the thirst to explore going, and these are the kids that emerge focussed on their personal goals given the freedom to nourish them.

The take away from being updated to keep up with my young man is me always on a learning mode and learn and read and we have a lot of discussions and it has helped a lot.

P.s I was a kid of very few words. You had to pay me to talk and now I need to be paid to stop somedays.
Click to expand...

True that... I and his teachers think the same, like he is so much more matured at this age and surprised how much information we are learning from him...and you put it in a funny way
I recently noticed he likes that he knows things I or his teachers doesn't know and uses more words in explaining them than other stuff... So, i'm getting him books of his taste and let him explain those to me

AnooSA · Apr 12, 2017

Sachini said: ↑

Dear Anoosa, boys interests slightly vary from girls. I too hav a 6 yr old, so can understand. He also likes to read about solarsystem n science related things. So its absolutely normal and engage him in those conversations though it might be boring just ask a few questions and let him explain like whats a black hole? Or What plants need to grow? . Don bother about it being absolutely correct. Let him speak up.
Try questioning him in a way where he has to answer in sentences than a single word. Ask him what he wants to become in future and why so?
Try interacting more with him or bring him into conversationeven when you are interacting with your lil one.
A very good aspect is your daughter keeps questioning him and definitely this will improve his interaction . Encourage both in this and allot lot of time for it. Ask him to explain her whatever interests both.In way you can be spared of all the science stuff by directing him to teach those to your daughter.
The key point is try interacting more and more in way he has to answer in detail. Its your ( family as a whole)valuable time that can bring in the desired change.
Hope this will also help apart from what our friends have suggested.
Click to expand...

Thank you Sachini...
Yeah, now i'm well versed with distance between each planets, how Jupiter can potentially bcome the next sun and black hole etc
After watching/reading few magic school bus series, i know all about how WBC fights germs and how plants make their own food and now into curiosity stream... Wish i had done this when i was young though
But maybe i wasnt asking him Qs that would make him answer in detail or sometimes finishing his sentences for him ...Patience and time are two things i'm gonna work on ,So, i can make more time to Q him more and listen patiently giving him the time he needs to complete his own sentences...

Sachini · Apr 15, 2017

AnooSA said: ↑

Thank you Sachini...
Yeah, now i'm well versed with distance between each planets, how Jupiter can potentially bcome the next sun and black hole etc
After watching/reading few magic school bus series, i know all about how WBC fights germs and how plants make their own food and now into curiosity stream... Wish i had done this when i was young though
But maybe i wasnt asking him Qs that would make him answer in detail or sometimes finishing his sentences for him ...Patience and time are two things i'm gonna work on ,So, i can make more time to Q him more and listen patiently giving him the time he needs to complete his own sentences...
Click to expand...

Gr8 Anoosa. All d best. I luvd d i wish i had done this when i was young part. Same feeling.